Moon And Stars
by L-Ishida-Dark
Summary: A long story charting the ups and downs of a Hogwarts love affair. RLxSB, rated M for language and slight smut. NOW ON INDEFINITE HIATUS.
1. A Letter

**I : A Letter**

**Remus**

James and Lily are in the common room, taking pulls of Firewhisky and trying to drink each other under the table. I suspect James isn't playing to win. He never does, with Lily.

Peter is passed out in a chair. As expected, Rat-Boy can't hold his drink.

And Sirius is in the toilets, throwing up.

They're lucky one of us is still sober.

I'm also in the toilets, holding back Padfoot's long hair and alternately comforting him and scolding him. This always happens. Every time someone gets hold of any alcohol, I'm the one left to take James and Peter upstairs; I'm the one to clean up the sick. Because I'm the only one of us with the sense not to drink half a gallon of Firewhisky.

Great. Now Pads is dead to the world too. "'Nks a l't, M'ny. 'preciate 't…"

I swing him over my shoulders and haul him to the common room. I'm lucky he weighs practically nothing, or I'd never get him up there. As it is I can just about get him upstairs and into bed, where I collapse, panting. Why the hell did the makers of Hogwarts have to make it so far between the toilets and the dorms?

Oh well, better go back and haul Wormtail and Prongs back up here. They'll both be unconscious by now.

As I stand up to leave, the hand Padfoot had been holding in a fist opens, and a ball of paper falls into his trunk. I try to ignore it…it's none of my business…but I'm really curious as to what it is. And, um, yeah, if I don't get it out now it might sink into the detritus of Sirius' suitcase and he'll never find it. That's the only reason I grab it. Not because I'm nosy or anything. And then as I pull it out I see my name scrawled on it.

_Moony,_

_I'm writing this letter because you have to know how I feel. I'm not a great letter writer, so bear with me. _

_Ever since you came up to Hogwarts, a shy little kid, I've wanted to protect you and look after you. I became an Animagus for you, just like James and Pete (and I think you should know that was MY idea. ALL MINE!!!!) And looking at your smile made it all worth it. And whenever you were sad, so was I._

_And then about two months ago, I realised why. I love you, Remus Lupin. Everything about you is beautiful, even your scars, because they're YOU. I know you don't feel the same, I know you've got a girlfriend. I know I'VE got a girlfriend. But I still love you._

_And I'm scared of how you'll react, so even though my feelings are burning away at me, I've never told you. And even now I've written this letter, I'll probably never post it. So if you get this, take it as an example of love triumphing over fear._

_Your friend (hoping to be more)_

_Padfoot_

…

Oh shit.

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So, how was it?

REVIEW ME!!!!!!!!!

Or Sirrie will get sad.

Next chapter will be written from Sirius' point of view.


	2. Ignoring You

II : Ignoring You 

**Sirius**

Don't move. I'm lying here telling myself that, because every time I move it feels like someone is jumping up and down on my fragile skull. Argh, my precious brain! I was using that! As long as I lie here in the nice quiet darkness, I'll be fine.

A swish of curtains. The LIGHT! It BUUUUURNS!!!!! Vampires of the world, I feel your pain! I bury my head in my pillow. "M'ny. G'way. 'S too early t' be 'rly."

If I don't get up, Moony will jump me. I just know it. That boy is unnaturally energetic in the mornings. He must be a robot. A super-intelligent alien. Something inhuman anyway.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. He's going to jump me because he's an alien. I think that's what I was thinking? It's hard to remember when my brain feels full of cotton wool. Damn hangovers.

I bury my face further into my pillow, awaiting the inevitable impact. Nothing happens. Cautiously lifting my head up, I can hear Pete's high-pitched protests and an UMPH from James as half a ton of teenaged werewolf gets him full in the stomach.

Oh well, much as I'd like to, it's school, and I can't stay in bed all day. Just five more minutes and I'll get up.

A freezing jet of water hits my face, back, hair, butt, legs…you name it.

"NYARARARRAGHHHHH!!!!!!"

I look up to see James standing over me with a wand and an evil grin. I hate him. Ihatehimihatehimihatehimmmmmm!!!!!

"Prongs, you absolute WANKER!!!!!!"

"Well, Remus wasn't getting you up, so…" He shrugs. That irritating, self-absorbed BASTARD!

---

I sit at the breakfast table in the great hall, pushing a bit of bacon around on my plate. My hangover is terrible and to make things worse, Remus is totally blanking me. I'm miles away when Pete brings me back to the real world with a large bump.

"Are you going to eat that, Padfoot?"

Pig.

---

Joy. Double History of Magic. They should bottle Binns and sell him to insomniacs. Yeah. Sell him in a chemist. Next to Snivellus (Snivellus being the best emetic ever invented)

I turn to impart my razor wit to Moony, but then remember. Moony switched places with Prongs at the start of the lesson. I send Prongs a note.

_Hi Antler-boy._

_What's up with the wolf? He's ignoring me. Make him stop it._

_Your ever-loving bestest friend_

_Padfoot._

I didn't realise how much I rely on Remus. Him ignoring me is weird with a capital W. And I'm SOOOOOOOO bored, because all James is doing is staring at the back of Evans' head. Lovesick moron.

Hey, James just nudged my arm.

_**To the ever insane one.**_

_**If you need to know why Moony's ignoring you, bloody well ASK HIM!**_

_**Now leave me alone. I'm engrossed in this lecture.**_

_**Incidentally, don't you think Lily has the most gorgeous hair?**_

_**Yours**_

_**Mr Prongs**_

Charming.

_Moronic moron._

_How can I ask Moony? HE'S IGNORING ME!!!!!!_

_DO SOMETHING, or I'm telling Evans about your collection._

_Love and kisses from the annoyed one._

That should do it.

_**Padfoot,**_

_**You wouldn't!**_

_**Prongs.**_

_JP_

_TRY ME!!!_

_SB_

That should do it. Yep, that is a distinctly note-like object passing between my two "friends"

**Dear Mr Black.**

**I am not ignoring you, I am thinking.**

**You should try it sometime.**

**Yours,**

**R. Lupin.**

Ouch.

---

Lunchtime.

The best bit of the day.

But somehow I've lost my appetite. I can't eat if Moony's not there to nag about my eating habits. I need to tease him about being the neatest eating werewolf ever. I knew I needed Remus, but I didn't realise how much until he wasn't there. This is shaping up to be a looooooooong day.

And he's got up now. He's leaving. Maybe I should go after him. Maybe not. Eventually, my curiosity gets the better of me and I have to take any chance I have to find out what I've done wrong.

I jump to my feet and run out after him. I can't see him, but he's been my friend since we met. I _know_ Remus Lupin. Panting, I rush down the corridor to the library. There's no one else about. I round a corner and see Moony's back. Unable to stop, I cannon into him. I slap my hands over his eyes.

"Guess who-oo!"

"Get off."

Remus continues his path to the library.

"I'm hurt, Remmie. What have I done?"

I pull the puppy-dog eyes. Remus ignores me and walks on. I follow him, until…

"Noooooo, not the library! Anything but the library!"

Too late. He's gone in. Git. Who needs Lupin anyway? I can have fun all by myself.

---

"James"

"James"

"James"

"Ja-ames!"

"For fuck's sake WHAT????"

"I'm bo-ored! Say something Remus-ish!"

---

Well, that was officially the most crappy boring day of my life. I'm sitting on my bed in the dorm. Being in the common room is just upsetting. Remus is still ignoring me and James is trying to seduce Lily. Idiot. Pete, of course, is hanging onto James' every word, not that he'd be good company anyway.

And I'm stuck up here. As lonely as Snivellus on Valentine's Day.

The door creaks open and somebody walks in. I pretend to be deeply immersed in a book.

"Oh my goodness, Sirius Black is reading a book! It's a miracle!"

Remus?

The book is yanked away from my hands and replaced by a grinning face.

"Shame you had it upside down."

Shame? Shame all I can do is stutter.

"M-moony?"

"None other."

I regain some composure.

"So am I forgiven?"

"I wasn't angry"

Like hell.

Remus' weight depresses the bed next to me.

"I decided."

Decided? Decided what? Decided to read another book? Decided to reveal his extraterrestrial identity? What?

Remus leans over and grabs the front of my robes. Then his face is against mine, our lips touching, and he's kissing me.

I don't know what to think. I have no idea what's going on.

Which isn't to say I don't kiss him back.

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Well, chapter 2! Wow, two chapters in one day? Go me!

Anyhoodles, a couple of thing I forgot to mention.

1. When I showed chapter 1 to my friend Toni, she said it was too short. I hope this one makes up for that.

2. This is my first ever completed fanfic. Yay!

3. Clearly, I own none of these characters, since if I did Sirrie would be dead from glomping. That is the preserve of Ms. JK Rowling (lucky b)

So thanks to my first ever reviewers, and to any more of you who might feel inclined to review me to make Remius happy. (Remius being the sexy beast combining Sirius and Remus in one super hot package)

Bai bai!


	3. Confusion

III : Confusion 

**Remus**

I pull away from Sirius, staring into his confused grey eyes.

I have a horrible feeling I've just done something rather stupid.

"Um, Remmie, not that I'm complaining but WHAT THE HELLLLLLLL???????"

I've just done something rather stupid.

I've kissed my best friend.

He doesn't know why.

My life is officially over.

Hang on…how does he not know why? He wrote that letter, didn't he? If it was just a joke courtesy of James Potter I will KILL HIM!!!! HE WILL DIE!!! For ruining my day and possibly my life I will…

"Moony, where did you get this?"

Sirius sounds surprised and a bit angry. While I was mentally killing James in five thousand different ways, he seems to have noticed that bloody parchment. He looks embarrassed but murderous.

"Well, I can explain…"

Oh shit. Sirius is drawing his wand.

"DON'T PRY INTO PEOPLE'S PRIVATE THOUGHTS!!!!!"

"Private? It was addressed to me!" That's what I don't shout, because I'm Remus Lupin, the doormat. The one who looks after his friends and doesn't let them get hurt. The one who's only ever made the first move once, and apparently made a mistake. The one who's about to get hexed into oblivion, judging by the look on Sirius' face.

"You were drunk. You passed out and…"

Hmph. Sirius doesn't look convinced.

"Levicorpus!"

Crap! I feel a pulling on my leg, like travelling by portkey, and before I know it, I'm upside-down with my robes hanging over my face. I can hear Sirius' steps getting closer.

"Your death will be slow and painful, Remus Lupin. You will writhe in agony as I perform hex after hex on your pained body. For such an offence, I will even use an Unforgivable Curse! Prepare to DIE!"

James, Lily, Peter, someone save me! An insane Black is trying to kill me! HELP!

"Densau…"

No! I can't let him finish that spell. Desperately, I shut him up in the only way I can think of. I kiss him again, hard. He drops his wand. I fall from the air headfirst, the pressure around my ankle released. He catches me and puts me down. At least, clearly that's what he meant to do. What actually happens is that he catches me, stumbles forward and falls over. On top of me. Once again, I thank God for making Sirius Black such a puny so-and-so.

I run my fingers down his back. "Sorry, Pads. I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't know you felt this way, that's all. It was a bit of a shock. But I honestly wasn't prying."

I'm making no sense. Crap, I'm babbling.

And then I hear the door creak. Simultaneously, me and Sirius look up. It seems we've gathered quite an audience. My face is rapidly turning crimson. My life is officially over.

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Wow, THREE chapters in one day? I'm on a roll!

Although I'm not that proud of this one. It's a bit OoC. I think I'm still in Sirius's mindset.

By the way, the spell Sirius starts to say is Densaugeo, a hex to make the victim's teeth grow. Look, JK just doesn't give us enough hex incantations!

Sadly Sirius and Remus DON'T belong to me, although life would be perfect if they did. They are the property of good old JK.

REVIEW ME!!!!!!!!!


	4. Please Understand

IV : Please Understand 

**Sirius**

Hey, people!

How long have they been there?

Long enough to see us kiss?

Oh well, whatever. It's not like I can help it if they saw…

Or can I?

(I can, by the way. I might muck around in lessons the tiniest wee bit but I still learn from them…which is to say Remus learns from them and I steal Remus' work, but whatever. The point is I can wipe people's memories.)

Shut up, brain. I have to work out what to do. You'll just get in the way. Who needs a brain anyway? Sirius Black needs no brain to escape a tricky situation.

"Um…it's not what it looks like!"

Idiot. I am surrounded by total morons, one of which, a certain Mr R. Lupin, has wriggled out from under me and is standing next to me with a face that looks like a vampire's vomit (red and sick) Cool, his scars are glowing white.

The crowd at the door is muttering excitedly. Several of the lads look freaked out. For some strange reason large numbers of the girls look extremely excited. Perverts.

Remus said EXACTLY the wrong thing. As any true Marauder knows, denial is the most suspicious thing to do. Quickly, I must do something. Get lost brain, this is how a Marauder handles an embarrassing situation.

"Hey you lot, what's so interesting? Surely you all know how much I love my little Remmie-muffin? Look at him, he's so cute!"

Remus is standing there mouthing like a goldfish. Ha. Serves him right for reading my stuff. If he blushes much more his head might explode. Hey, that would be interesting! I should definitely embarrass him some more, just to see what happens. I can see James over there at the front of the crowd. He'll know what I mean. Time for some fun, methinks.

"Anyway, Remmiekins, where were we? Oh yes, I remember. Music, maestro!"

Good old Prongs. He's got the sexy music going. I walk seductively over to where Moony's standing and push him down onto the bed. I slip my robes off my shoulders. I can hear a lot of squealing coming from the general area of the girls as I lean over him. I can hear his nervous breathing on my bare chest. I press my lips against his, slipping an arm around his back. I don't want to let go.

And then, the _piece de resistance, _the icing on the cake, the bit that makes this scheme work and not deepen the shit I am in. I slide off Remus and walk sexily up to the crowd. I pick out a random person and start to do the same to them.

---

Well done Pads! My dear audience leave satisfied. Only I could pull that off. Or maybe James. Thank god for my eminence as Official Sex God and Hilarity-inducing One! I am truly the greatest…

"IDIOT!" Oh crap, Evans just got here. And it sounds like my supposedly "loyal" friend James has told her what I've been doing in a desperate bid to impress her. "Remus is hiding in the bathrooms. You may have permanently traumatised him! Well I just hope you're happy! Your little joke might well scar him for life!"

"It's not a joke."

I cut her off mid-tirade. She's looking at me in a funny way.

"I must be going soft, Black, if I thought you had anything interesting to say."

"I said IT'S NOT A JOKE!!!!"

And somehow I start telling Evans everything. The way I feel about Remus, the way I miss him when we're apart, the way I hate seeing him with his girlfriends, the way I wrote and burned letter after letter, the way I couldn't live without him. The way he kissed me and the way we ended up on the floor together. WHY???? Why am I telling this to my worst…no, second worst enemy? I am clearly infected by Remus' stupidity.

And yet…it feels good to get it off my chest. I've never told anyone all this before. I can't tell James, he's to busy with Evans. I can't tell Remus, I haven't got the words. I can't tell Pete, he's a disgusting little homophobe. This is one battle the Marauders can't help me win.

Woah, this is weird. I'm telling _Lily Evans_ my innermost feelings, and she's just sitting there nodding and looking sympathetic. Am I hallucinating? She hasn't even bitten my head off since I started talking.

"And now I've totally screwed up. He hates me now, doesn't he?"

I trail off, looking at Evans, fully expecting her to call me stupid. But she doesn't move. Oh my god, is she paralysed with rage? A tiny little sobbing noise comes out of her throat.

"E-Evans?"

Shit! She grabs my sleeve and yanks it into her face. Her eyes are red and tears are flying out everywhere, especially onto my shoulder. I'm drooooowninggggg!!!!

"S-sirius! Iiiiiis that hooow J-james feels about meeeee? I'm a horrible personnnnnnn!!!!!"

I have no idea what I should do. I vaguely pat her hand. Hey, hang on a moment, aren't I supposed to be the one all upset? Evans ruined my emo moment! Bitch!

Oh well, I'd better go see if Remus wants to kill me. As soon as Evans stops crying, that is.

---

How can one girl make so much water? By rights she should have shrivelled up and turned to dust about two hours ago. Instant Evans, Just Add Water. I may have to change my robes. They are saturated. I look like I've just swum the channel. Oh well, Remus, reports show, is still in the toilets. He must be a bit bored by now, and in need of my razor wit. I'd better go and save him from himself.

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Yosh! A new chapter!

Once again, not the best. I'm starting to think I should have quit after chapter II.

Ahhh well. I'm both cheered and worried by the fact Sirius is lapdancing inside my head. But I swear this chapter was not gratuitous smexyness! That really is how my Sirius would react.

If you like it, review. PLEASE!!!!!!! It makes me feel loved!

Oh yeah, and James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily et al are the property of JK Rowling.


	5. Betrayal

**V: Betrayal**

**Remus**

I hate Sirius Black. I hate him.

I wish I'd never read that letter.

It's ruined my life.

Because now I know I love him, and it's tearing me apart.

And it's going to tear the Marauders apart too. There's no way things will be the same after this, even assuming Pete and James never find out. I'm going to be responsible for the loss of something so important to all of us. I'll never forgive myself.

I was so happy when the others wanted to be friends with me. I like to think they need me, as the responsible one. I make sure they do their homework, look after them when they're drunk, lend them notes, work out logistics, generally help out. But then I think of what they do for me. They became Animagus for me, broke the law for me; they keep my secret, put up with my moodiness and my "furry little problem"… I need them much more than they need me.

And I'm going to lose them.

After reading that letter, I'll never feel comfortable around Sirius. It took that confession to realise I'd always loved him, and I thought he loved me.

But is it love if one person doesn't care about the other's feelings?

If they kiss someone else in front of them?

If they won't even come looking for them afterwards?

I've known all the time Sirius isn't exactly faithful. I know he only started kissing other people to stop people realising how we feel about each other. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Watching Sirius kissing someone else made me so jealous I felt like killing them. I'm disgusted with myself for feeling like this.

I can hear footsteps outside.

"Remmie, are you there?"

Sirius. Go away.

"No."

"Are you OK?"

"No."

"Sorry."

Sorry just doesn't cut it.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you"

But you still did.

"Remus, I love you."

No you don't.

"Remus?"

No. Remus isn't here. Just turn around and walk away. Hearing your voice makes me want to cry.

A black nose appears under the cubicle door, followed by a shaggy black muzzle and, eventually, by a big black dog. Padfoot has invaded my private space. Make him go away, before he turns back into himself!

There's a swirl of smoke, and Sirius stands in front of me.

"Go awa…"

Before I can finish my sentence, he grabs me and kisses me passionately.

I feel like I'm melting. And then I know that however he might seem, Sirius does love me. He'd die for me like I'd die for him. And I wind my arms around his back, and I twist his hair around my fingers, and I love him with all my heart.

And then we break apart, and Sirius says "Come back to the common room now, ok?"

I shake my head mutely. I might not worry about whether Pads loves me any more, but that doesn't mean he didn't embarrass me in front of most of Griffindor House.

He unlocks the door, grabs my hand and leads me forcibly out of the cubicle. We step out into the corridor and Sirius drags me towards the stairs leading up to the tower. That boy has a grip like the giant squid! Then he stops dead, letting go of my wrist. As I massage some life back into it, he turns to me with an expression of shock etched on his face. He raises a finger to his lips. I turn to see what surprised him so much.

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DundunDAAAAH!

What could have surprised Sirius so much? Tune in tomorrow(ish) to find out!

And you'll find out about an hour after I do. Seriously, I swear Sirius and Remus have a life of their own…I have no idea what's going to happen.

All characters, settings etc are the property of Ms JK Rowling. Good for her.

By the way, thank you for all your faves and reviews. They all make me very happy (except the one about me being hunted down and smoked like a fish. That was just scary.)


	6. Sacrifice

VI : Sacrifice Sirius 

Merlin's underpants!

That is so unreal.

I may well be hallucinating.

I cannot be seeing my cousin and my worst enemy in an alcove together, anyway. This must be some kind of bizarre dream.

Funny, Snivellus looks kind of scared. And not in an "ooooh, bit nervous" way, either. In an "Oh my god, I need fresh underwear" way. Mind you, being that close to Bellatrix would make anyone shit themselves. Even my parents are scared of Bellatrix.

I definitely am.

Which is why I turn to Remus and gesture at him not to talk. He looks surprised, but to my relief he obeys. Silently, I change direction and beckon to Remus to follow. We'll take a different route back to Griffindor Tower. One that doesn't involve my scary Slytherin cousin.

We've made it halfway back to the bathrooms before I hear the swish of robes behind me. Crap.

"Redimio!"

I can't move. I can only stand where I am, facing forward, unable to move. I will Remus to go away. Bellatrix is dangerous at the best of times, and now would not appear to be the best of times. She's got her wand drawn and a dangerous expression on her face.

"How much did you see, blood-traitor? What did you hear?"

"N-nothing, Bellatrix."

She looks at me with contempt. That was always how it was, wasn't it? I'm the blood-traitor, the blot on the noble Black family tree. If it had been Regulus here, she'd have…she'd have…she wouldn't have done this, anyway. And even though I truly don't know what's going on with her and Snivellus, she doesn't look like she believes me.

"Snape!"

"Um…what?"

I never thought I'd see the day I felt sorry for Snivellus, but I do. He looks like he wants to sink into the ground. Bellatrix directs her glare straight at him.

"Deal with it."

Snivellus looks terrified. He draws his wand and points it at me.

"Sectumsempra!"

A beam of white light shoots out of his wand at me. I've never heard that spell before, I don't know what it does, but I'm willing to guess it's not good. I'm going to die. I just know it. Oh well, maybe in death I can get Snivellus and Bellatrix expelled. Tell…Remus…I love him…

Remus!

He's suddenly in front of me. The light hits him in the chest. Blood spurts from his body. Remus!

Snivellus turns tail and runs. Coward! Leaving me and Remus to die!

But Bellatrix just follows him in a swish of robes and long hair. I don't really care, anyway, because my robes are spattered with Remus' blood, and he's lying gasping on the floor. Damn. I can't get him to the hospital wing on my own…he weighs a ton. It's the middle of the night and everyone's in their dormitories.

But Remus is in pain, and I'm helpless. I can't leave him, but I don't know what to do. I'm screwed.

And then Evans turns up.

That girl is an angel in a very heavy disguise.

Those are my last thoughts as I drift into unconsciousness, holding Remus' hand.

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OMG! The story gets Sirius!

Geddit? Serious…Sirius…hahaha?

Noes!!!!! I've lost the fluffiness!

Anyhoodles, thank you for reviews, faves, alerts etc…I love you all (even Ina556, since you apologised about the whole hunting-me-down-and-smoking-me-like-a-fish bit)

Everything in this story belongs to JK Rowling except the spell Redimio, which is mine in all its crappiness. Yay!


	7. Awakening

VII : Awakening 

**Remus**

Cool sheets. White ceiling. Clean smell.

I sit up, or at least I try to. The moment a single muscle moves, a wave of agony floods my body, overloading my senses and turning the world into a blinding white place of pain. I flop back onto crisp pillows and try to work out what happened. It's too much hard work to open my eyes, so I let them slide shut as I drift gently into semi-sleep.

I have no idea of the time. I just lie here in the darkness behind my eyelids for what seems like eternity, just hearing the sound of the hospital wing. Nurses walking past, medicine bottles clinking, chairs scraping, low murmurs.

In fact, I could just lie here all day, not thinking, or moving, or speaking. And I would, too, if there wasn't suddenly a closer noise. Footsteps draw closer, and a slight weight depresses the bed. I want to open my eyes and see who's there, but even that takes more energy than I currently have.

"Remus, are you awake?"

Sirius. I try to open my mouth, to croak a reply, but I'm frozen.

"Remus, it's been nearly a whole day since…" His voice trails off.

A day? How? I struggle to reach out, but my arms won't work.

"Remus, why?" His voice cracks. I yearn to touch for him, to hold him close, to apologise and comfort him. I strive even harder to reach out and cling to him, but the pain overwhelms me again. I can't move.

"Why did you sacrifice yourself? I can't bear looking at you like this. That curse was meant for me!" A tear drips onto my face. "It should have been me."

Stop, Sirius! I can't bear it! I've hurt you much worse at full moon than I'm hurt now, and you've never complained, always taken it without a wince.

"I love you, Remus Lupin. Always and forever. Never forget that."

I can feel his hot breath on my face. His long hair brushes my eyelids. He places his lips on mine. This time it's gentle, not fierce and lustful like it was before, but soft and loving, and the touch of his lips fills me with strength. And somehow I find the strength to reach through the pain, and put my arms around his neck, and kiss him back.

---

Somehow, between me and Sirius, I manage to get into a sitting position against the steel bed frame. Looking down at my body painfully, I can see it's criss-crossed with bandages. Sirius puts a steel beaker in my hand.

"Madam Pomfrey said this would help with the pain."

"Least not…ngh…silver cup."

Sirius smiles, eyes laughing. I know he's remembering, like me. Remembering the night after my first full moon at Hogwarts. Madam Pomfrey giving me this exact same solution, but in a silver cup. Every time. Twice a day, in a silver tumbler. To a werewolf.

It's not that funny, I suppose. But the air is light with relief.

I smile at Sirius, although even after the potion it still smarts.

But after the initial release, he looks upset and almost…guilty. Why does he feel guilty? I chose to throw myself in front of that spell. He didn't force me. It was my decision. So why is he looking at me as if he wishes with all his heart he was cut up and I was whole?

"Madam Pomfrey says the cuts are enchanted to be resistant to magical healing. She said the best we can do is look out for the pain and wait for it to heal naturally, and that we're lucky that werew…that people like you heal fast."

He won't look me in the eye, staring off into the distance and looking thunderous. Angry at himself, angry at Bellatrix, angry at me.

"Sirius." My voice comes out in a low pained croak. Every breath hurts. "I chose to protect you. Because I…nnngh…I love you. If I wanted to…grargh…to stay safe, I would've. I would rather…die than see you hurt when I could save you. Believe that if you believe nothing else."

He gazes at me solemnly, in a way that is at once pure Sirius and absolutely unfamiliar. He looks like he can't decide whether to kiss me or hit me. He settles for turning his back on me with a pout.

"Sirius…aaaargh…"

He directs his silver gaze into my brown eyes. His lip trembles like an upset toddler.

"I've missed you, Moony."

And without a second thought, he flings his arms around me and clutches me tight, his sobs racking his body.

"I thought…I thought…I thought I'd never see you again!"

I hold out for almost a minute, because I can sense that Sirius needs to hold me. But the pain is indescribable, even after taking the potion. It rushes in waves through my body, making me spasm and clench my muscles. Eventually I can't stand it any more.

"P'ds. G't 'ff. H'rts!"

He releases me instantly, settling me back down under the covers carefully, like I'm a china doll, easily broken by a wrong movement.

"I love you, Remus."

I love you too, Sirrie. Thank you.

And now there are more footsteps, and James and Lily pull back the curtain, Pete hot on their heels. The group have a quick scuffle over the only chair, ending up with Lily sitting on James' lap and Pete on the floor. I never thought I'd see the day Lily would sit on the same chair as Prongs, and holding hands as well! What's happened while I was out?

And then everyone starts talking at once.

"Are you ok, Moony?"

"What happened?"

"Was it Snivellus? I'll wring his slimy little neck?"

"James, don't automatically assume…"

"How long'll it take to heal?"

"How long have you been awake?"

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"EVERYBODY OUT! MR LUPIN NEEDS **PEACE AND QUIET!!!!!!**"

Some things never change.

-------------------------

Well, I hope you are all pathetically grateful. It's 2:55 AM IN THE MORNING!

Aren't you lucky I succumb to my muse whenever he strikes…(my muse is shaped like Sirius by the way…)

Ok, Lupin's gonna be fine, see? He's well enough to kiss so he's ok.

And by the way I know Madam Pomfrey wasn't school nurse in the 70's (probably) Therefore, let us assume this Madam Pomfrey is Madam Pomfrey sr.

Once again, I would like to profess my love to everyone who's read this story and particularly those of you who faved, watched and reviewed. And by the way, GothicTulip, HOW DID YOU KNOW??? How did you know of my immense adoration of Monty Python?????

And now for something completely different…

All characters, settings etc belong to Ms JK Rowling, that lucky, jammy bastard….


	8. Healing

VIII : Healing 

**Sirius**

It's been too long.

Remus has been in the hospital wing for a two weeks. Two whole, painful, lonely, guilty weeks. It's been awful. It's worse than anything to happen to me before, even worse than that day that seems to belong in ancient history when I thought Remus hated me. Because this time I can't feel hard-done-by, or blame someone else, because it's my fault. The hex was aimed at me, and if I'd just turned and run sooner Remus wouldn't have been wrapped in bandages for a fortnight.

He didn't seem to care, though, and that just makes me feel guiltier. If you've nearly been killed saving someone's life, you should resent it.

And now he's out of the hospital wing, life should be back to normal. I don't have to be in the hospital wing all my free time and some of my lesson time, I can go back to stealing Remus' notes, I can do everything I've been missing out on.

And miss out on something I've been doing a lot…oh, the privacy of the hospital wing…

Oh well, true love always finds a way.

And it'll be good to be with Remus every hour of every day, like before.

He's gone to bed early. I'd have thought he'd be tired of lying in bed by now. It's no fun without him, and James and Lily are talking, and for the first time in the last five years Peter isn't hanging around James like a shadow. In fact, I haven't seen Pete all evening.

So I'm bored out of my skull, and for the first time this term I'm going to bed before midnight. I head up the stairs to the dormitory.

Turns out Remus hasn't gone to bed. He's sitting on the windowsill engrossed in a book. Strange boy. Who would rather read a book than talk to me? I'm insulted!

"Sirius"

I turn. Remus is looking straight at me, his book forgotten.

He stands up and walks over to me.

"I've told you it wasn't your fault. Stop acting like I'm so easily hurt. It's not normal. Please."

I stare at him, beautiful in the twilight.

"Sorry."

I turn away and head towards my bed.

"Sirius"

"Wha…"

As I turn to yell at him, he puts his arm around my back and kisses me. It's the first time he's instigated a kiss since he replied to my letter. He holds me tight and kisses hard and fiercely, nibbling my lip and digging his nails into the back of my neck. I gasp as he pulls away slowly, running his tongue along my mouth. Blood oozes gently from the scratches on my lip and he licks the drops away. Pleasure mixed with pain. Sums up my relationship with Remus so far.

That kiss was…different. Lustful, animal and quite unlike the bookish quiet Remus I know. I glance out of the window. The moon is almost full, and waxing.

"It's full moon in three days, Sirius. You could just ask me."

I take one look at him in the light of the rising moon and kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I love you, Remus."

----------

As usual, it's too short. Sorry I haven't posted for the last couple of days, but my Sirius-shaped muse has been away. I don't know where, but I heard noises coming from the room where my Remus-shaped muse lives. Moans, banging…

Anyway, that's my excuse…

(If you hadn't guessed, I've been reading some quite explicit Sirrie/Remmie fanfic…drools…)

Tomorrow's should be forthcoming quickly, since it's mentally half-finished already.

All characters etc belong to JK Rowling.

Anyway, night night!


	9. Snow Kiss

IX : Snow Kiss 

**Remus**

"Remuuuuusss!!!!!!"

Wha…Sirius? I roll over and look at him in annoyance. He's yanked aside the curtains around my bed and is grinning madly at me. I stifle a yawn.

"Sirius, what time is it?"

"Five am. Why?"

I bury my head in the pillow.

"In that case, go away"

Why is Sirius even awake this early? It's so unlike him. Normally it takes half an hour to shift him.

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

Running footsteps. This doesn't sound good.

"UNGH!"

Sirius has taken a running leap and is now sitting astride my chest, bouncing up and down.

"Moony!"

Bounce

"Get up"

Bounce

"It's snowing!

Bounce

"Marauder's…"

Bounce

"Pre-breakfast…"

Bounce

"Snowball fight!"

Bounce

I shove him off me. There's no way he'll let me go back to sleep now, so I might as well get up. Grumbling and cursing the day I ever met Sirius Black, I stumble out from under the nice warm covers and pull on my robes quickly, trying to stave off pneumonia. It is, needless to say, abso-bloody-lutely freezing.

---

Ten minutes later me, Sirius, Pete, James and somehow Lily (how did she get up so early? How did she KNOW?) are standing by the lake wrapped in scarves, gloves, jumpers and warming charms. Sirius grabs my sleeve.

"Me and Moony against you three, ok? Ten minutes preparation, then Muggle rules."

James and Lily nod in unison, running off to find a good defensive spot with Pete scuttling along behind. I turn to Sirius questioningly

"Three against two, Pads?"

He grins and wades off into the deep snow.

"I know what I'm doing. 'Tail's hopeless and Prongs is a gibbering wreck around Evans. Dunno how good Evans is though, so keep an eye on her."

We walk on in silence for a bit, then I see it.

"Pads."

A hollow between two trees. Not too far from where the others are frantically building their fort, perfectly within range, but on high ground. Sirius claps me on the back.

"See Moony, this is why I teamed up with you, you tactical genius you. With my snowballing ability and your strategies, we're unbeatable!"

With a flick of his wand, he tunnelled out a cave in the built-up snow with a wall in front, and together we start stockpiling snowballs.

It isn't long before our ten minutes are up and the snowballs start flying. As usual, Pete's snowballs get about two inches, usually falling apart in transit, and although Lily proves to be tough competition, in under half an hour we've demolished their fort and all three of them are caked in snow.

"We surrender!"

They conjure a white flag and wave it until Sirius knocks it out of James' hand.

"Cowards! Lions never surrender! Where's your Griffindor spirit?" Sirius calls after the trio, pelting them with snowballs as they bolt for the safety of the castle.

The snow is falling harder now, hiding Sirius' black hair under a coat of white and crystallising on his long eyelashes. He puts his arms around me.

"Sirius…"

Brushing the wet hair out of my face, he surprises me by kissing me softly. It doesn't matter how often he does it, I'm always knocked off balance by those kisses that show me without doubt how much Sirius loves me. I hold him close and kiss him back, and the wolf in me that's so strong at this time kisses fiercely, and thoughtlessly, and gives me so much pleasure. I scrape at the inside of his lips gently with my sharp teeth and scratch at the neck under his red and gold scarf, and I can tell by the way he moves closer to me he's enjoying it as much as me. We stand, melded as one in the whirling snow, then wordlessly we break apart and walk back through the untrodden snow towards the bright warmth of Hogwarts. The sun is still only just rising in the sky as we squelch happily back to Griffindor Tower and the nice warm fire in the common room.

--------

Well, I'm back on track!

There are two ways this can go

Either a) A steamy shower together with both Remus and Sirius

or b) Skip straight on to full moon.

Let me know which you'd rather!

(Why do I get the feeling it's going to be a?)

By the way, there are two deliberate anime references in this chapter. Kudos if you can spot either. I shall reveal them in my comments next chapter. There's one I bet no one will spot! If I feel like it, there may be a prize.

All characters, settings etc are the property of JK Rowling

And you know the rest!

Bai bai!


	10. Warmth

X : Warmth 

**Sirius**

We tramp into the common room, stamping snow into the red carpet. I run my hand through Remus' wet hair. He's shivering. The burning warmth of the fire isn't stopping his teeth from chattering, and he's liable to catch hypothermia in those wet robes.

"Time for a hot shower, methinks, Moony me old pal."

We run up to the dormitory where the early risers are beginning to stir, and Remus grabs his towel and dry clothes. I take a while longer to find my towel, and as I rummage through my stuff I realise what I have to do to get closer to the one I love.

The shower cubicles in Griffindor tower are simple, just two walls with a curtain running along the front. I throw my towel randomly onto the wooden bench and slip into the third cubicle from the right.

"Sirius, what the…"

I grin mischievously at Remus, standing naked under the spray of the shower. He really is beautiful. Grabbing his wrists, I pin him to the wall.

"People'll see, Sirius…"

I stop him talking, holding a finger to his lips.

"They won't, you know, Remus. I am a wizard, after all."

"I don't think…"

"Oh relax, Moony. I've seen you naked before."

"Yes, but that was…before."

"Before what?"

He looks like he can't speak, so I help him out.

"Before this?"

I hold his hands to my heart as I kiss him, long, slow, soft, and without hesitating he kisses back, nipping gently at my lips and running a long slender finger down my chest. I pull away, the taste of his lips lingering on mine.

"Now try telling me you don't want me here."

He looks away, trying to hide the very un-Remus-ish look in his eyes. His chest is firm and muscled as I run my fingers along the gouges and ridges that cover his body.

"You've got more scars."

He drags my hand away from them.

"Don't look at them. Don't touch them. They're hideous."

I gaze at his golden hair, his scared brown eyes, his soft lips. How could he ever think anything about him was ugly? He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and a few scars don't change that.

"I love your scars, Remus. They're a part of who you are, so they are beautiful. Even this one."

I move my fingers gently to touch the bitemarks on his upper thigh, white with age but still raised and still causing so much pain to Remus.

Then I brush my fingers lightly around to Remus' inner leg, so tender and sensitive. He moans softly as I run my fingertips upwards.

"I love you, Remus Lupin. I'll love you until I die."

With a slight whimper, he grabs me around the neck and kisses me passionately, and we stand under the warm water entwined in each other, holding on to each other, our lips melded until he releases me and I gasp for breath from my suddenly empty lungs. I hold him close, and as he tightens his grip on me he puts out a sharp little tongue and licks my shoulder. The gesture is surprisingly erotic, and I'm so turned on I'd like to take him right then, but he turns away, releasing his tight grip on my back. I feel blood oozing from the fingernail marks on my back. He lifts his towel off the curtain rail and wraps it around his waist.

"I think I'm clean enough for today."

I grab his arm as he goes to leave the cubicle, pleading in my gaze.

"Bad dog!" he scolds, eyes twinkling. "Down, boy."

Bastard. He leaves the shower and I can hear him getting dressed outside. He's left me here in the shower, and more to the point he's left me so weak I can hardly move. My legs feel like jelly after his kiss. Eventually I get up the strength to leave the shower, grabbing my towel as I go past.

And I see James standing in the doorway, grinning like the cat that got the proverbial cream.

"Well well well, this is an interesting development, isn't it, Sirius…"

---------------------

What the hell, I couldn't wait. And judging by the reviews received so far, this is unanimously agreed on…

Yay! Steamy shower!

Ok, so it might not be as steamy as some of you would like, but this story has a T rating! Plus I'm only 14 years old! (which doesn't stop me reading smut, but whatever…)

Also, depending on how I feel, there may be ahem more…intimate acts later in the story…

Hope you enjoyed it!

3 for all faves, reviews, alerts…

Harry Potter and all characters therein belongs to JK Rowling.


	11. Beast

XI : Beast 

**Remus**

Nothing much happened after Sirius (admittedly not unenjoyable) assault on me in the shower, except that right through breakfast and the first few lessons of the day James kept looking at me and Sirius in a sort of knowing way, until Sirius yelled at him and hit him with a bat-bogey hex, sending him off to the hospital wing for an hour. We sort of pretended it hadn't happened and got on with our lives.

But I wake up this morning, and realise it's full moon tonight, and my heart sinks. I get up somewhat reluctantly and, as I do every morning, pull on my robes and yank aside the curtains around my friends' beds. Sirius' bed is nearest, so I always wake him up first, then Peter, then James.

I draw back the curtains and the light floods onto Sirius. He rolls over and looks at me drowsily. I take one look at his bleary eyes, his mussed up hair, his half-open mouth and I run for my life.

---

I'm sitting in the bathroom hyperventilating rapidly and trying not to panic. I looked at Sirius this morning, and the wolf wanted to…well, let's just say wolves don't much bother with romance. The wolf just wants Sirius. Now now noooooow!!!!!! And since it's nearly full moon, I'm finding it quite hard to tell the wolf what to do. Or what not to do, as the case may be. And every lesson except Ancient Runes and Divination today I'm sharing with the dog.

_Knock knock._

Go away.

"Moony, are you OK?"

Thank god, it's just James.

"I'm fine. It's just…full moon."

"Oh, your furry little problem?"

"No, I just happen to have a tendency to get terrible constipation once a month."

"Did you…make a JOKE, Remus? Are you sure you're ok? I think Sirius is finally…ahem…rubbing off on you."

Oh god, he knows. I can tell by the way he says it. He knows about me and Sirius. That would explain all those smug smirks yesterday. He probably finds it hilarious.

Damn.

"Remus?"

He sounds quite concerned.

"Do you want to go to the hospital wing again?"

Do I? I don't know. It'd keep me out of Sirius' way, anyway, and stop me doing something I regret.

"Yeah."

---

I'm lying under the sheets of a bed in the hospital wing. Clearly I couldn't explain to Madam Pomfrey why I'm here, but I muttered "Full moon" and she seems to have bought it.

"Moony? Are you ok?"

Sirius.

Maybe if I pretend I'm asleep he'll go away. But what if he kisses me like he did after the Bellatrix thing? But if I look at him the wolf will go crazy and I will probably get expelled for inappropriate behaviour. ARGH!!!!

I settle for a "Mmhmm."

"Remus"

I shift the sheets and catch a glimpse of Sirius' head, haloed with sunlight.

_No! Don't look! Don't listen to his oh-so-soft voice! NO! Think about something else! THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS!!!! Snape in a bikini! That should put me off sex for life…SNAPE IN A BIKINI! I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SIRIUS!!!! SNAPE IN A BIKINIIIIIII!!!!!_

"Are you ok?"

GO AWAY, Sirius!

"Uh-huh."

"The day before full moon's not normally this bad. What's up?"

NOTHING! I'M FINE! GO AWAAAAAY!!!!!

"Are you sure you're ok?"

Why did I fall in love with my best friend??? What was I THINKING??? The temptation's too strong. I look up, pulling the tangled bedding off my head. He's so beautiful, so sexy. I love him. The wolf hurls me forward.

"Remus? What's wro…ohhhh…"

I lunge forwards and kiss him, trying to stave off my want, my need to do so much more than just kiss. But when I pull away, he's still sitting there, sex on legs. I can't help it. I have to have Sirius. I push him onto the bed, straddling his hips. Feverishly I start to unbutton his shirt, kissing him all the time, fast and fierce and furious and so so good.

And then he grabs my hand and pulls it off his shirt. I can see the lust in his eyes; I know he wants this, so why won't he let me? The wolf howls in fury.

"Remus, stop. This isn't you. Stop it."

The wolf slinks away, thwarted. I should be relieved. I didn't do something I'd have regretted, so that's a good thing, isn't it?

And the release and the love and the rejection and the pain and the fact that it felt oh so good even when I knew it was wrong…I can't cope. I burst into tears, trying to hide it. Boys don't cry, they should be strong, I'm not crying but oh, I am. Sirius folds me in his arms and I hug him back, breathing in his musky scent.

"I love you, Sirius."

It's full moon tonight, but not yet. Not yet. For now I can stay here, wrapped in Sirius' arms, and hold the wolf at bay. Until the sun goes down, I can just be Remus.

--------

Yes, I took forever to update.

Yes, I am a lazy git.

Yes, feel free to throw things at me.

Yes, if you're nice there will be more smut in the next few chapters.

Tomorrow (ish) on Moon And Stars…Full Moon!

And by the way, the anime references in chapter 9 (not that anyone tried to guess) were:

IX : **Snow Kiss** …is the closing theme of D.Gray-Man

"Cowards! **Lions never surrender**! Where's your Griffindor spirit?" Lions Never Surrender is a song sung by Kon from Bleach.

Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling

All spelling mistakes belong to me


	12. Full Moon

XII : Full Moon 

**Sirius**

The sun's already setting as the four of us hurry to the darkening silhouette of the Whomping Willow. Remus, pale face already filled with pain, grips my hand in the twilight as Wormtail scampers under the tree branches and presses his tiny paw onto the knot that stops the tree dead. James and I guide Remus down into the earth tunnel to the Shrieking Shack, his nails digging into my palm as his features contort with the agony.

Tonight we set off late… we only just manage to bolt the door behind Moony as he starts to buck and twist, writhing his way out of his own skin, ripping at the soft scarred flesh to let through coarse grey hairs, all the time screaming and howling in a way that's neither human or animal but pure pain. I've seen it a hundred times since I came here for the first time, but the sound of Remus' anguish still sends waves of unadulterated terror through me.

He's almost half wolf now. I unbolt the door before letting the familiar feel of magic wash over me. It's natural now, as natural as breathing, and as I shoot towards the floor and James grows upwards, and I lose my colour vision and James sprouts antlers and my bones shift and fur sprouts and tail wags, I realise that, so strangely, this is the most normal and stable thing in a world I don't understand any more.

Moony stands shakily on four legs, trembling momentarily before he spots Prongs. He hurls himself at the stag, and as every full moon, Prongs and I incline our heads to show respect and deference. Normally this can be the hardest part of the night; the wolf finds it hard to accept a deer as an ally rather than a meal; but this time Moony pads straight over to me and nuzzles my nose, the friendliest gesture the wolf has ever given.

We stand for a moment, wolf and dog, nose to nose, grey and black, before Moony leaps out of the door in a fluid movement that leaves me and the others standing. We follow, racing through the empty streets of Hogsmeade, guiding Moony away from the village and into the moonlit Forest.

I'm lost in the elation of movement, the shape of my friends a constant comfort as we dash past plants and rocks, leaving civilisation for the night to run deeper into the dark woods, wild brambles and moonlit flowers and rushing streams and sparkling ice and calling owls and oh so many smells, like a second pair of eyes. Four animals run for the joy of running, silent through the trees. It's times like these when Remus' lycanthropy seems like a blessing not a curse, if only he could remember it in the morning.

---

The sky's starting to lighten as we rush back to the Shack, stealing through the streets of Hogsmeade back to the safety of its rickety walls.

Me and Moony are the first back to the Shack, only just in time as the moon sinks below the horizon and the sun spreads its pale tendrils into the dark blue sky. The other Marauders too far back to get here in time for the transformation, I slide the bolt home, isolating me and the werewolf from the dawn world.

The wolf never becomes Remus as easily as Remus becomes the wolf. It scratches and bites the air, trying to fight the pain not work with it. It slashes its own body in its convulsions, howling a howl that slowly, oh so slowly, begins to turn to human tears, and I stay next to it, comforting both Remus and the wolf that's part and not part of him as best I can. I don't feel the pain when the werewolf scratches me, I'll only start to notice later, when the bruises start to bloom and the adrenaline is gone.

When the transformation is finished, Remus lies on the floor, naked and bloodied and almost unconscious. James was looking after his robes, but James isn't here, so I take off my warm woollen cloak and cover him with it, sitting cross-legged beside him, watching the frost form on the broken windows. Eventually his ragged breathing becomes soft and steady, and I unbolt the door and wait for the others to bring Madam Pomfrey.

Sitting back down I brush the hair out of his sleeping face and let it run through my fingers, tangled and bloody but still soft. He looks so innocent and beautiful in the early morning light that washes over his pale tear-stained face. This is my Remus; at least as much as the student or the friend, my Remus is the werewolf, and I told the truth in the shower that day when I said I loved his scars. They make him who he his, his own, private, painful self. And only when he sleeps can I be sure he's in no pain.

Kneeling here, watching my friend sleep, I feel the blood start to ooze from under my robes to stain the cut fabric. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I settle myself down next to Remus, lying by him, feeling his warm heartbeat, and before I can stop him he reaches out for me in his sleep, drawing me closer. I put my own arms around him in return and close my eyes, wrapping him in my warmth as the snow falls outside. Hair and blood and tears mix and we are no longer two people but one as I fail to keep my eyes open and just let the heavy lids droop shut.

-------

It's short but…I'm back to one a day.

My muses have returned! Yay!

Thanks for all your comments and faves, they're really encouraging!

Characters and settings belong to JK Rowling

Anything deviating from canon belongs to me.

It's half one in the morning.


	13. Chocolate

**XIII : Chocolate**

**Remus**

I open my eyes to find myself once more under white sheets in the hospital wing. It's not as if it was unexpected, but this is the third time in as many days I've been in this bed, and I'm becoming all too used to the room. I mean, it would have been nice if it had been any time at all between me leaving the hospital wing after the Bellatrix thing and me coming back for full moon, but I suppose it can't be helped. I'm not as badly injured as I often am after full moon, so I suppose that's something to be thankful for.

Sitting up, I look around the clean-smelling room. Sirius is in the bed next to me, his tangled black hair spread around his pale face like a halo, reading James' Quidditch book. Tiny red and gold figures dance in the air above the pages, and he watches intently as one of the small figures hits an even smaller Bludger, noting the method.

"Sirius."

As usual, my voice is pretty much nonexistent, worn out by the screams and howls of last night, but Sirius hears and grins, slamming the book shut on the Quidditch pitch in front of him. He chucks it onto the bed beside him, sitting up and facing me.

"You're ok, Remus. Good."

I smile happily, glancing around the room.

"Where're 'Tail and Prongs?"

He looks surprised.

"Oh, you didn't hurt them. They had to go to lessons."

An impish smile covers his face at the thought of the other Marauders forced to learn while he got to stay in bed all day. I'm rather worried about this boy's priorities. He got beaten up by a werewolf but that's ok if he doesn't have to go to lessons.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

He looks quite nervous, playing with a lock of hair, twining it round his fingers. It looks quite serious. I wonder what's up?

"Um…there's a gig on at the Three Broomsticks next Hogsmeade weekend…and I was wondering if you'd like to…you know…go with me. Like, as a couple."

Was that all? I almost laugh with relief. The answer's so obvious I hardly even feel the need to say it.

He mistakes my relief for shock.

"I mean, it's fine if you don't want to…it's just James and Lily are going…and Pete seems to have given up on James and finally got himself a girlfriend…and I thought…but if you'd rather…if you don't want people to see us together…"

I shut him up by chucking a pillow at him.

"Sirius. I would love to go with you, so stop gabbling."

The look of relief on his face is priceless. He gives a big grin and looks like he might jump into outer space for joy.

Then just as suddenly, the grin disappears. The look on his face is pure fury, and I wonder what upset him.

"Infidel! Your pillow defiled my sacred body. For that you will pay the ultimate penalty."

He jumps out of his bed and onto mine, grabbing my foot and tickling it unmercifully. I scream and squirm, but he grabs my wrist as I try to hit him and pins it down as he tortures me.

"Face your punishment with grace, Lupin."

"Not a chance in hell, Black."

I use my free hand to grab another pillow and hit him full in the face with it, bursting its seams and sending white down flying, settling on his shoulders and catching in his black hair. His response is to screech like a banshee and throw feathers at me until I hide under the sheets, upon which he makes an estimation of where my stomach is and returns to his tickling, making me squirm and wriggle silently until I can't stand it any longer and make an impassioned if rather muffled plea.

"Mercy!!!! Mercy!!!!"

He laughs evilly and continues to tickle me.

"Never!"

I gasp and writhe in discomfort.

"Stop!!!"

"Only if you beg me."

I knew it would come to this.

"Oh lord of cool, please release your humble servant…"

He stops tickling for a moment, seeming to consider matters, although he still hasn't let me sit up.

"Mmmmmm…no."

And the torture begins again. I laugh and gasp until I can't actually breathe. My throat is burning.

"Sirrie, gerroff or I won't go to the gig…"

At that he finally stops tickling me and flops back on the bed. He really is like an excitable puppy. I pull the tangled sheets off my head and come out, gasping for air.

"You've got something in your hair" I say, pointing at the fluffy innards of my pillow that cover his head. I reach over and pull one out, flipping him on the nose with it.

"So? So have you. Several somethings."

I laugh, running my fingers through my hair to knock out the worst of the white down.

I'm tired. I settle back onto my one remaining pillow, reaching out to a bar of chocolate on the table by my bed. Madam Pomfrey always leaves one there to help me recover after full moon.

I snap off two squares, offering one to Sirius. He accepts it graciously, gobbling it down and holding his hand out for more.

"One more piece and I'll forgive you for your terrible assault on my sacred person."

"Didn't I already pay the price for that?" I moan, but I still snap off another square and hand it to him.

"And that's your lot, ok? I need it to recover."

"I'm injured too!" he protests.

"You seemed healthy enough when you attacked me just then."

He sits and sulks for a minute while I nibble at the mouth-watering chocolate, until I eventually put the bar back on the table.

"You've got chocolate on your face." he informs me, deadpan.

"Where?"

"Here." He leans over and licks at the corner of my mouth and without thinking I deepen the kiss.

When he pulls away, he's smiling.

"Now you're forgiven."

Gah, I hate him!

------

Nothing to say but…

Thanks for reviewing, faving etc…

All characters are belong to me…is what I would say if I was JK Rowling. Which I'm not, sadly.


	14. Music

XIV : Music 

**Sirius**

I spend the week leading up to the gig with a mounting sense of excitement. It's probably a good thing that the next Hogsmeade weekend is only a week after full moon, or, as James put it in his note in Divination, I would have been likely to "explode with sheer fucking enthusiasm, why are you so excited anyway, you insanely freakish weirdo?"

And when in response I asked him why he was so excited then, he said "Lily" and when I wrote back "But I don't fancy Lily Evans" he just replied "Exactly."

I hate my friends.

Not to mention despite the freaky crypticness I have a strong feeling I know exactly what he's on about.

But that aside, tomorrow is FINALLY Saturday, and Hogsmeade beckons. Thus, I should get an early night. It's only half eleven though. I'll just spend five more minutes going through these Quidditch manoeuvres with James…

---

"Sirius"

"Sirius"

"Si-ri-us"

WHUMPH!

I REALLY wish Remus wouldn't do that. Merlin, that boy is so energetic in the…

"Sirius, we're going in ten minutes."

…mornings????

"NO WAY!!!!"

I leap out of bed and strip off, pulling on my robes randomly and shoving my wand in my pocket before dragging a comb through my bed head and splashing water on my face. No time to brush teeth. No time to shower. Where the hell is my wallet? Crap! I don't have time for this! Fuck it, why can't you Apparate in Hogwarts??? I was meaning to get up early and get ready.

I run down the stairs to the common room just as the other Marauders climb out of the portrait hole. Running a last nervous hand through my hair, now nearly lying flat, I vault out after them, nearly hitting a couple of first-years trying to get in.

"Wait! Wait, you bastards!"

The kids look shocked at my language as I dash past them and pounce on James.

"Prongs, Moony, 'Tail, why the FUCK didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"We did." James informs me, deadpan.

"Three times." Pete pipes up.

They probably did, actually. I'm quite a deep sleeper, so it takes a werewolf on the chest to wake me up. But I'm not admitting defeat.

"You did not!"

"Did!"

…

---

Mmmmmm, Honeydukes does the BEST chocolate in the wizarding world. No, not just the wizarding world…the whole world. I've had three bars so far and I've got an armful shrunk down and shoved in my wallet. And after visiting the greatest joke shop known to man or beast, it's going to be the gig. YES!!!!

But first, to Zonko's!

Me and James love that shop. Pete loves anything James loves, but is too dumb to see the full possibilities of the amazing array of…stuff…in this prankster's heaven. And Remus says it's boring, that the best tricksters use the mind alone and don't need to resort to cheap fripperies and that he's going to the bookshop, thank you so much, meet you at the Three Broomsticks in half an hour.

The shelves are packed with all sorts of pranking magic, and my pockets are full…well, half full…and I've got thirty minutes to get my equipment for the holidays and beyond. GO PADFOOT GO!!!!

---

Remus is standing outside the pub, watching the frost form on the windows and stamping his feet to keep warm, his breath puffing out of his mouth in clouds. I walk up quietly behind him and drop one of my latest purchases onto his head. He catches it before it touches his caramel hair and turns around, chucking the eight-inch animated spider at me.

"And hello to you too, Sirius." Amazing how he manages to sound both withering and loving at once.

I laugh, offering him my arm.

"Shall we?"

"We'll wait for the others, won't we?"

"Um…yeah….that's what I'd planned…"

---

As it happens, James and Pete were waylaid by their girlfriends and so by the time the four of us get inside me and Remus are like ice statues. I'm sure I've got frostbite of the…um…you know…

When we enter the gig, the wave of heat hits us like a solid object. The supporting band is playing away on the makeshift stage and the room has been magnified to fit at least five hundred people in it, mostly Hogwarts students. Loud music blares out from everywhere. I drag Remus over to the bar to get a drink.

While I'm yelling our order at Rosie, the roar of the crowd intensifies, almost deafening me. The lights dim as Thestral arrive on stage. (Thestral the band, not thestral the invisible horse…) and their lead singer steps forward.

The guitars start. I weave my way through the hordes of people to the table where the other Marauders and their girlfriends are sitting, dumping a bottle of Butterbeer in front of each of them. Dragging Remus out of the throng, I pull him down next to me.

As I crack open our drinks, the lead singer bursts into song. The crowd roars and waves. I take a gulp of my Butterbeer, feeling the hot sweetness cascade down my throat and revelling in the noise and warmth and just the _feeling_. I'm at a gig with the man I love, despite the bad beginning the day's been great…I only need one thing to make it perfect. I grab Remus' hand, dragging him up onto the dance floor. James and Lily and Pete and…um…whatshername are deep in "conversation", although there's not a lot of talking involved. Lot of tongues, but no talking.

We dance. A lot. I'm shocked, as well, by Remus' dancing. I didn't realise that sweet, bookish Remmie could dance, so, well, sexily. Holy shit, this guy really is perfect! Eventually me and Remus are so knackered and drenched in sweat we're liable to die of thirst if we don't get another drink. Walking to the bar, I look up.

"Hey, mistletoe!"

Remus looks puzzled.

"WHAT?"

"I SAID…"

So much for the subtle approach. I don't finish repeating myself. I just put my arms around Remus and kiss him.

He looks confused and shocked. I point upwards and he follows my gaze.

"…"

"WHAT???"

"I SAID OH, OK!!!!"

Wordlessly, I grab him by the wrist and drag him out of the room, pulling him into the bathrooms and locking a cubicle door behind us. I can hear the music through the walls as I kiss him again. Without speaking, without pulling away, Remus starts to unbutton my robes.

This is where I'll be 

_So heavenly_

_So come and dance with me Michael_

He points his wand at the bottom of the door, sealing us off as I pull out his hair band, letting his wavy hair fall from its short ponytail to brush his shoulders. I run my hands through it, watching as each golden-brown lock tumbles through my fingers onto his slim shoulders.

_So sexy, I'm sexy, _

_So come and dance with me Michael_

His eyes meet mine, hazel gaze fixed on my grey ones. He keeps unbuttoning my clothes, only breaking eye contact to dart tiny kisses on my skin as he exposes it.

I'm all you see, you want to see 

_So come and dance with me Michael_

I hold him close as he slips off my robes, drawing his hands away from my shirt buttons as I murmur into his hair.

"Give me a chance!"

_So close now, so close now, _

_So come and dance with me_

_So come and dance with me_

_So come and dance with me_

I sway with the faint beat that comes through the walls, grinding my hips into his as I frantically fumble with those STUPID buttons, holding him as I move, half-dressed bodies melding as one.

Michael you're the boy with all the leather hips 

_Sticky hands, sticky hips, stubble on my sticky lips_

_Michael you're the only one I ever want, only one I ever want, only one I ever want_

_Beautiful boys on a beautiful dancefloor_

_Michael you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore_

_Michael waiting on a silver platter _

_And nothing matters now…_

Unable to wait any longer, he pulls at the buttons on my shirt until eventually we're both topless. I trace a line down the new scars on his side.

This is who I am, I am a man, so come and dance with me Michael 

He gasps, almost pulling away, but instead he draws me closer and kisses me passionately and full of need.

So strong now, it's strong now 

_So come and dance with me Michael_

And I kiss him back, and suddenly the only music is the singing in my ears, Remus' sharp breaths, my own heartbeat, our bodies together. Thestral roll over my head as I grip Remus so tight and we kiss forever as we stand there, half naked in December but still so warm.

And before I know it, the moment is ruined by Pete's high-pitched calls, and I realise that was the last song, and it's nearly time to go back to Hogwarts. I'll end this Hogsmeade trip as I started it, fumbling for robes with Remus watching my every move.

---

As I settle down in a chair in the common room to play a game of chess with Remus, I almost cry. I want him so badly, but the Christmas holidays are in a week and, like the other Marauders, Remus is going home. I'll be left at school, waiting.

"Checkmate."

"Bollocks."

-------------

Ooooh, some smut, and my first bit of songfic! (The song is about half of "Michael" by Franz Ferdinand, if you want to know…sticky hands, sticky hips, sticky song…)

To be honest, the puppies wanted to go a bit further but I had to send in Pete to break them up. I have PLANS for these two…but smut-fans, never fear, the full monty should start in about two or three chapters.

They went quite far for a first date, don't you think:)

Thankies for reviews, faves etc etc you know the drill

All characters, Hogwarts and Hogsmeade are © JK Rowling

Song © whoever writes Franz Ferdinand's songs

Thestral (such as it is) © ME!!!!!


	15. Invitation

XV : Invitation 

**Remus**

I send my knight to trap Sirius' king, which swears loudly as the piece knocks it over. Pads looks…distant. Like he's thinking about something.

Suddenly he speaks.

"Hey, Moony, you're going home for the holidays, right?"

I look at him blankly.

"Yeah, why?"

He smiles ruefully.

"Never mind."

I put my head on one side, thinking. He looks so small and sad, not his usual brash self at all. He draws his knees up to his chest and curls up in the chair, staring at the fire, twiddling his hair between his fingers as he gazes into the middle distance.

"Never mind." he repeats softly.

He's so alone. He's popular, he's got the Marauders, but I can tell that deep inside Sirius is aching. He has no family, he never has, just parents and a brother, not a FAMILY. I can't make that up to him, I can't change his past, I can't be his family, but oh, I want to, just to see him smile without the tiny, almost unnoticeable spark of pain that flickers in his eyes when he thinks of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. I'd wipe out the Black family line if I could, but even to just take away his memories for a day would be all right. Just one day.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me. Sirius, I got an owl from my parents the other day. We're going on a camping trip over Christmas, and I can invite a friend. Do you want to…"

He's on me before I can finish, leaping over the table, eyes shining, pouncing on me like the overenthusiastic puppy he usually is. He hugs me hard. I laugh at his joy, patting him on the back.

"Do you mean it? Really? I get to spend Christmas with you? Thank you sooo much Moony!"

I laugh even harder, so happy. Sirius needn't spend Christmas alone at school this year, needn't wake up to an empty dorm while me and James and Pete are at home with our families, needn't wonder why everyone but him has a family who loves them for who they are, and I can tell by the look in his eyes that this is, in his opinion, the best day of his life. I'm glad.

"Oh get a room, you two."

James wanders over, looking amused at Sirius' invasion of my personal space.

"Prongs! I'm going to Moony's over Christmas! Isn't that great?!"

James grins, patting us on the head. He winks.

"I'm sure it'll be very…memorable."

Sirius hits him.

---

I snuggle under my blanket, listening to the icy wind whirl around the windows of Griffindor Tower. Comfortable in the dorms, with the snores and breathing of the other boys quiet around me, I think back on my day. I meant to get to bed earlier, but Sirius is truly incorrigible and he was so hyper that us four Marauders were mucking around until about 3am in the common room. I can tell that, despite his excitement, Sirius went to sleep as soon as he lay down, because from the bed next to mine I hear snuffles and the occasional snort. The boy even dreams like a dog. I never met any Animagus more suited to their animal…not met many Animagi, mind you… Sweet, loyal and overfriendly; can't hide his emotions to save his life…so totally a dog.

As I'm thinking that, I gradually start to slip into fuzzy unconsciousness, burying my head in my fluffy pillow.

And am rudely awoken by a warm weight on the bed next to me.

"Remus? You awake?"

Sirius' whisper tickles my ear.

"No."

I lift up my head, looking up at my friend. In the pale moonlight of a clear night, the tears on his face glint silver.

"Bad dream?"

He looks like he can't speak, can't talk about it, so I don't either. I just wordlessly pull back my blanket and offer him my bed. I settle back down, and I can feel him slip in behind me, his skin clammy against mine. I feel his shoulders shake, although I can't hear his sobs. I roll over and take him into my arms. He holds me tight, until it feels like we'll never let each other go.

"I thought…I thought…in my dream…in my dream you were dead." He truly weeps now, not pretending he isn't crying any more. His tears wet my hair and slide down my face.

"Shhh, Sirius. Shhhh."

I comfort Sirius, but it's not my duty as a friend any more. It's something I have to do to keep myself sane, because when he's sad I can't be happy. Anyway, I've had the same dreams myself, but in mine Sirius is dead and I killed him and the tears won't stop. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry.

James will take the piss so badly in the morning, but the morning can take care of itself. I just want Sirius to sleep happily and peacefully, so I soothe him and hold him and then eventually he settles into slow, soft breaths and his grip loosens and then I'm so glad, because even in the light of the setting moon I can see the serene smile on his face, and I know he's in the right place now.

-------------

OK, I'm a tad behind but meh…

Thanks for all your comments, which now exceed one hundred! And they are so kind…I've even apparently introduced someone to this fandom, which is AMAZING!!!! I feel so LOVED!!!!

Ahem. Eventually I will get up to the Moonfoot smut, never fear. In…three-ish chapters.

Oh, and by the way, last chapter in the songfic there were some lines that un-italic-ed themselves when I uploaded the file, just so you know. Like…pretty much the first lines of every verse.

Harry Potter and all characters therein belong to JK Rowling, the woman we'd all like to be…


	16. Cold

XVI : Cold 

**Sirius**

I stir slightly, loath to wake up. There's a warm weight next to me. I open my eyes to a shock of caramel hair.

My brain takes a few seconds to process the information. Then I leap out of bed, glad to see I'm wearing pyjama bottoms. If I'm going to take Remus' innocence (which I am, if at all possible), I'd rather remember it the next morning. He's still lying there peacefully, although a glance at my watch tells me it's almost noon. I walk casually to my own bed. Maybe when he wakes up he won't remember I was there.

"Sirius?"

No such luck.

"Yes?"

"You feel ok now?"

"What?"

"Good. I'm glad."

Strange boy. Mind you, I'm not one to talk…

I go over to my bed, grabbing my robes. For some reason, I feel very self-conscious as I get changed.

"Hey Remus, what happened last night?" I ask fake-jovially. "Did I fuck you senseless or what?"

He doesn't laugh, and neither do I. He can probably tell that that's exactly what I'm scared happened.

"You had a nightmare, so you came over and I let you share my bed, then you went to sleep. That's all."

"Oh." I pause. "Shame. I'd quite like to fuck you senseless…"

He throws a pillow at me as I laugh mischievously and, dodging it easily, wander to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I go back next door, he's still burrowed under the blanket. I poke his motionless body.

"You getting up? It would be nice to have you awake for lunch…"

---

We get down to the Great Hall just as lunch starts. Motioning at James and Lily to budge up, me and Remus squish in between the redhead and Pete. She grins at us, looking quite unlike the scary Evans I've known for the last five years. Did I do that? She only started being like this after I talked to her about Remus. Come to think of it, she's the only person other than Remus who I actually told. James worked it out for himself, the nosy bugger. Speaking of James, he's giving me _that look _again.

"Sleep well, guys?"

He's smirking like the git he is, too.

"Why yes I did, thank you so much for asking, James." I send him a look which I hope says _watch your back, Antler-boy._

He looks me straight in the eye. _I know your secrets, Fido. I know alllll about you. Don't even try it._

I glare. _But guess who knows about your Evans Collection._

He takes a gulp of pumpkin juice, his eyes not leaving my face. _Screw you._

"If you two have quite finished telepathising, we could actually talk. With our mouths. Ok, Sirius, James?"

Good god, I've finally been promoted to Sirius. I am no longer Black, which I take to mean she is no longer Evans. This _is _a step up in the world.

"So we'll talk. What are we talking about?"

"Hmmm…what about you and Remus?"

I spray juice across the table as Moony chokes on a mouthful of potato.

James grins smugly. Git.

"W-what about me and Remus?"

Pete looks confused.

"Oh, I heard off James that you two were spending the holidays together. I was just wondering…"

"Can we talk about this LATER?" I hiss in her ear.

"Clearly you take me for being less sensitive than I really am. I was just going to ask where you were going."

James looks a bit disappointed. He really is an evil, twisted sadist.

"Oh, we're going camping in Scotland." Remus replies.

"Camping in Scotland in December? Your parents must be mad!"

"Well, the thing is…"

------

Yes, this chapter is basically filler while I wait for inspiration to come.

Sorry it took so long, too. I had a load of homework to finish and then I was working on some art and then… keeps making excuses into infinity

So, next chapter I'll try to get back on track and spend some actual time working on it…

All characters, setting etc © to JK Rowling, aka GOD!!!!(ess)


	17. Journey

XVII : Journey 

**Remus**

The platform on the other side of the lake is buzzing with excitement, a thousand stamping feet turning the pure fresh-fallen snow to grey mud as fast as it can settle, soaking the hems of our cloaks and sending a creeping cold up our bodies. The scarlet train pulls up, a bright festive shape looming through the flurry of white flakes. We step into the warm, orange-lit carriage and, caught in a rush of black-clad students, we make our way down the wooden corridor to the first empty compartment we come to.

Jumping into the window seat, Sirius makes it abundantly clear where he wants us to sit. Obediently, I slip into the crimson velvet seat opposite Lily and James. After hovering a while, Pete shoves himself down next to Prongs.

We've hardly been sitting in here for a few minutes when the train moves off. As the white-cloaked scenery begins to blur, James and Sirius spontaneously burst into "We Wish You A Merry Christmas". Those two have definitely got some sort of telepathic link. They practically move in sync. I feel a familiar stab of jealousy. It seems like Sirius is always closer to somebody else, never me.

But the Christmas spirit is hard to resist, and soon I'm singing along as loudly and merrily as my friends. We've finished "We Wish You A Merry Christmas", "While Shepherds Watched" and "Away In A Manger" and we're halfway through "Silent Night" (the melancholic expressions on James and Sirius' faces are a sight to see) by the time I realise what lyrics Sirius is actually singing to me.

Suffice to say, they are not for the ears of first years.

---

"_Oh come, all ye faithful,_

_Joyful and triumpha-ant_

_Come ye, oh come ye to Bethlehem…"_

The witch with the trolley, a plump, middle-aged woman, smiles benevolently at our raucous compartment as she hands over an armful of festive sweets, chocolate and gingerbread sliding onto the polished wood table as Sirius shakes a handful of coins into her waiting palm.

As the door slides shut I bite into a Chocolate Frog, which is wearing a sugar-spun Santa hat. Pulling the card from the crumpled wrapping, I hand it wordlessly to Pete, who, enthusiastic, takes one look and puts it carefully in his bag.

"Mmph, Mmoomgy, mwy gwa gi…"

Sirius swallows the mouthful of Butterbeer-infused gingerbread and tries again, slightly more coherently.

"Why are we going to Scotland for Christmas, Moony? Don't you live in Yorkshire?"

I tap my nose conspiratorially.

"Family secret, my dear Pads."

"I hope I get to be an honorary member of the Lupin family, then. I don't want to freeze to death without knowing why."

"So you're ok with freezing to death otherwise?"

"Yes."

James snorts, hot chocolate spurting out of his mouth.

"James, that is GROSS!" we exclaim together, Lily's voice, as usual, loudest of all.

"Well, in that case," I say, grinning at Sirius, "I guess we might as well start calling you Sirius Lupin. Welcome to the Lupin family, Pads!"

For some reason we all find that hilarious. I have a strange feeling someone spiked my chocolate…POTTER!

---

And then before I know it, we're only a few miles from King's Cross, and the compartment is full of laughter and "see you later" s.

"Owl me as soon as you get home, guys!"

"Pete, we're only off school for three weeks!"

"Yeah, but…"

Sirius breaks into song.

"We'll meet again…

Don't know how…

Don't know when…

But I know we'll meet again…"

Pete flushes. James slaps Sirius round the back of the head.

"Be nice"

---

"Have a great Christmas!"

"See you next year!"

"Next year?"

"Next year. This year, New Year, next year! …ouch."

"Have a nice time freezing to death, Lupins one and two!"

And together we echo our Marauder's holiday mantra.

"DON'T DO ANYTHING WE WOULDN'T DO!"

James is looking at me and Sirius as he says that. Sirius makes a face at him as we go our separate ways.

The two of us hang around for a while as the platform clears slowly, until I catch sight of some familiar faces.

"Hi Mum, hi Dad, hi Jess!"

Mum grabs me in a huge bear hug, grinning manically. Dad looks at me with a stern look on his face and a twinkle in his eyes. Jess grins a gap-toothed smile.

Sirius is standing to one side, looking uncharacteristically shy. He twiddles his hair between his long fingers, staring at his feet. I grab his arm, dragging him up to my family.

"Mum, Dad, you remember Sirius? Jess, this is Sirius Black, my best friend. Say hi!"

Jess waves shyly, freckled face worried. But it turns out Padfoot has an unforeseen gift with kids, and before we've even left the station my tall, dirty-minded, freakish, law-breaking fifteen-year-old (boy)friend and my shy sandy-haired little sister are inseparable.

"We've got the camping gear with us, so we're taking a portkey straight to Dunbar and walking from there." Dad's saying as we depart the building, and he points to a wilted Christmas tree lying innocuously around the corner from the exit. We each hold a hand over a branch and…

"One…two…three!"

…with a quick jerk we're standing on the beach outside Dunbar. Mum hands me one of the bags she's been carrying, and Sirius gets another.

"Carry that, ok, Sirius? It's part of the tradition."

"Ok, Mrs. Lupin."

We set off down the strand, cold wind blowing snowflakes into our hair. It could be easier done with magic, in fact it could be easier not done at all, but the Lupins have done this for over a hundred years.

---

Luckily, there's no tradition of using Muggle tents, so it's about five minutes between arriving at the campsite and sitting steaming in a two-room cabin while the wind howls outside, at most of that five minutes is spent getting the tent out of its weatherproof, waterproof, Lupinproof bag.

There's two tents…Mum and Dad finally got an extra one. Perhaps they've realised that teenage boys are not pleasant company. Whatever the reason, they're sharing a new tent with Jess while me and Sirius are in this rather smaller, older, crappier one. It's not bad though. I remember a lot of happy trips in this tent. It smells of hot chocolate and chestnuts and wood smoke and pine, the scent of a thousand joyous holidays.

Sirius grabs the edge of one of the two upper bunks and, apparently effortlessly, lifts his whole body off the floor and onto the bed.

"Bags top bunk!" he yells.

"Fine by me" I answer as I dump my trunk under the bed below his.

In answer, he drops a red-and-gold scarf on my head.

"Suits you!"

I can tell this is going to be a pretty fun holiday…

---------------

GRARGH!!!! facepalm I'm sooooooo sorry it took so long…I've been busy and my muses fled the house. T.T But now they're back, and smut comes next chapter…

Look forward to it.

Or else.

I may have deviated from canon a bit, I don't know. The books never really describe what happens at Christmas etc. And I wasn't sure about Remus' background, so I invented him a family and a little sister. When in doubt, make it up…

By the way, I feel like boasting to everyone, so…

I GOT FULL MARKS ON MY ENGLISH ORIGINAL WRITING COURSEWORK!!! A!

(It's not that exciting, but meh. Nothing much really happens to me. You can kinda tell, ne?)

The Marauders, Lily and the Hogwarts Express belong to JK Rowling

Remus' family belong to me! Yay!

Scotland belongs to the Scots.


	18. Present

XVIII : Present 

**Sirius**

I yawn and stretch, whacking my hand off the smooth wooden wall as I do so and cursing loudly. In the bunk under me, Remus stirs.

"P'ds…w't's g'n 'n?"

"Nothing. I just…" I stop, feeling like there's something important on the edge of my mind, taunting me. I look out of the window at the snow falling fast outside, hoping it will yield an answer. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I focus at the lumpy, brightly coloured shape at the end of my bed and suddenly I remember that very important fact.

Kneeling on my bunk, I grip the underside of the bed and swing my upper body over the rail, hanging upside down as I grin at Remus.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Sirius, it's 6 am. Go back to sleep."

I swing my legs over the edge of the bunk, landing with a loud thud on the wooden floorboards in a sort of back flip movement.

"But REMUS! PRESENTS!"

"I thought you were meant to have grown out of being this excited about Christmas when you were about ten…" grumbles Remus in tired annoyance, but he obediently clambers out of bed and stumbles to the other room to brush his teeth under the kitchen tap, muttering all the time about "damn immature puppies" and "stupid Pads…"

When he gets back, I'm sitting on the floor, a stocking in each hand. I throw the blue one at him and, holding up my own grey one, take out my first present, looking at the shiny silver paper in gleeful anticipation.

The door slams open with a blast of freezing wind, and Remus' little sister wanders in, quite unconcerned about the snowflakes blowing around her exposed ankles.

"Si-riiie, you weren't going to start Christmas without me, were you?"

I grin, ruffling her sandy hair.

"Sorry, Jess. I just got a bit impatient. After all, Christmas is the best time of the year!"

She nods enthusiastically.

"Mum and Dad are already awake, so let's go open presents, ok?"

Handing my stocking to Remus, I grab Jess around the waist. She wriggles and yelps as I sling her over my shoulder and jog out into the snow. The cold whiteness burns my bare feet (stupid, should have put shoes on before going out) as we rush giggling into the larger tent, where Mr and Mrs Lupin are slightly less awake than Remus, who enters the big firelit room now, dragging his feet wearily.

Without further ado, Jess jumps onto her parents' bed and starts ripping the paper off her presents. Soon the room is full of shouts of excitement and a gradually mounting pile of brightly coloured paper. Even Remus, so mature and reluctant to get up, is laughing as he unwraps the seemingly never-ending packages.

---

Sadly, there are never as many presents as there seem, and by about seven o'clock the stockings are empty and the floor is littered with wrappings. I love this time of year anyway, but to open my presents in a room of happy people, with parents who smile benevolently when their children wake them up at stupid o'clock, instead of banishing them from their sight…this is the best way anyone could spend Christmas. It definitely beats staying at Hogwarts, in any case.

As Remus, Jess and I clear up the mess, I can hear Mrs Lupin in the kitchen next door, singing Christmas carols under her breath over the crackling fat as she makes breakfast. Remus' father, still in his pyjamas like the rest of us, sits on the bed watching us, eyes twinkling with suppressed laughter. This is a real family. And despite the fact that it's a tent in the middle of a Scottish forest, it feels more like a real home than anywhere I've ever been before, even Hogwarts.

---

And now we're sitting around the Christmas tree, and all of us are trying to resist the temptation to open all our presents at once. Sluggish from the huge dinner Mrs Lupin somehow managed to make without magic, I rest my head on Remus' shoulder, opening the present that arrived by owl from James the day before yesterday.

"Cool! Remus, look!" I hand him the big black book, embossed with the gold title "The Prankster's Bible". He takes it, flips through, points out interesting ideas to me.

As I take it back, an envelope falls from the back page, landing crooked on the floor in front of us. I bend to pick it up, sliding a fingernail under the flap and ripping it open.

_**Mr Moony and Mr Padfoot**_

_**HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!**_

_**How are my two favourite puppies?**_

_**Having fun yet?**_

_**Hope you are. If you aren't, start now. OR ELSE!**_

_**See you in 1978!**_

_**Your loving friend and fellow Marauder,**_

_**James Potter.**_

_**PS: Turn to page 173 and write "Magic Fortune-telling Page, Reveal Your Secrets" I guarantee, hand on heart, you will find it most intriguing…**_

_**Bye now! **_

_**-Prongs**_

I reach for the book, but Remus has already grabbed it and is flicking through the pages. He picks up a quill lying on the ground next to him and scribbles the words on the yellowed paper.

"Comeoncomeoncomeoooonnnn…oh."

"What?"

Wordlessly, he hands the book to me, a crimson blush forming on his cheeks. I look at the page in front of me. Lily and James kissing, Peter crying his eyes out…ah.

I slam the book shut and fling it away as if it had burned me. I am going to kill James Potter next time I see him!!!

---

Remus hands me a black-wrapped present, grinning at me. Mr Lupin is snoring away in his chair and Jess is happily playing with a toy broomstick her aunt gave her. I rip off the embossed paper and instantly throw my arms around him.

Inside the black frame, me and Remus stand in the snow, arms around each other, laughing. Picture-Me flicks a bit of snow out off Picture-Remus' hair.

I don't remember this photo being taken, or where Remus got it developed, but I do know it was taken almost a week ago, just after we arrived.

"I love it, Remus. Thanks!"

He just beams back and ruffles my hair.

"Hey!"

I ruffle his in revenge.

"Ow!"

He starts to tickle me.

"Noooooo!"

((If you object to smut, look away now…it's not very explicit, though…))

---

The sun set about five hours ago. Jess went to bed about four hours ago. Now it's time for me to go to bed too.

I pull off my warm woolly jumper and my nice new black t-shirt and I'm just unbuttoning my jeans when Remus and a swirl of cold wind enter. He walks past me and I grab his arm.

"Hang on a second, Remus. I haven't given you your present yet…"

He turns to look at me and gasps as I kiss him. I wave my wand, and the music starts.

…

_This is where I'll be, so heavenly, so come and dance with me Michael_

…

"Remember this song?"

He smiles.

"Slightly"

I push aside the long loose brown hair and murmur in his ear "Let's finish what we started, shall we?"

He nods wordlessly.

I pull his grey t-shirt over his head and, holding him tight, I kiss him passionately and with promise of so much more to come. He whimpers softly as my hands slide down his scarred torso to undo the button of his jeans, and when I break off the kiss to remove my own trousers, he moans gently in protest, collapsing on the bed. I take advantage of his position to straddle him, feeling him strain towards my body.

He bites my lip until the blood flows, staining the white sheet. I respond in kind, digging my nails into his back, leaving grooves in the already puckered skin. I can feel his heart beating so strong, so strong against my bare chest. My own heart is racing too as he wraps his arms around me and I kiss him. I can't let go.

Our lips, our bodies, meld together; the only clear things in the world are the feel of Remus' skin and his sharp gasps and the taste of his mouth and the golden hair brushing my face and the burning heat of our bodies' touch.

And he's inside me, and we're just one single being, made of golden light, and I can feel our love and our want in the air like crystals, solid and beautiful. And he holds me so tight, and I love him so much, and the feeling's so great I think I might explode in a shower of ecstasy and lust.

And then suddenly, it's over, and I'm exhausted by the weight of my feelings, but I feel like if only we tried again I could last that little bit longer, fly that little bit higher, love that little bit deeper. But I look over to Remus, lying absolutely limp next to me, eyes half closed, and I know it's going to have to wait.

"Mmmm…" he murmurs through half-open lips, "Guess that fortune-telling page wasn't such a load of bollocks, huh?"

And as I curl up next to him, breathing in his delicious musky chocolaty scent, feeling the smooth warmth of his body on mine, I think of the picture in the black book, the gold-tinted snapshot of me and him, together, kissing and arching into each other…

"Guess not…" I murmur, but he's already asleep, his fast heartbeat returning to a soft thud…thud…, his shallow gasps fallen to easy breaths.

I smile gently, kissing him so softly he barely stirs.

"Happy Christmas, Remus."

------

Hmmm…that was actually less smutty than the gig! Bad author! But Sirius seemed in an awful hurry, and like I said, sometimes the puppies just do what they want with no prompting from me…

Anyhoooodles…plot no. 1, the getting together, having been finished, next chapter we shall start the OTHER plot.

Sirius: "This thing has a PLOT????"

Shut up.

Anyway…

Sirius: "As in…a plan"

YES!!!

ANYWAY…

I hope you enjoyed the not-very-much-at-all smut…

Sirius: "You mean…"

YES, THERE IS A PLOT!!!!!

Sirius and Remus belong to JK Rowling and…

Sirius: "No, we belong to me!"

SHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

…and the Lupin family belong to me.

Sirius: "So…about this plot…"

Goodbye, faithful readers.


	19. Something Ends Now

XIX : Something Ends Now 

**Remus**

Warmth against my cold skin. Long hair sweeping my body. Hand gripping mine. I open my eyes to Sirius lying next to me as we hold each other.

He's still asleep, breathing gently and rhythmically. I carefully work myself loose of his warm embrace and slip out of bed, trying not to wake him as I tiptoe across the freezing cold wooden floor. Shouldn't be a problem, considering the lengths I have to go to on school days to make him shift his sleepy butt out of bed…

Pulling on a pair of jeans and a thick jumper to ward off the cold December air, I sit down on the floor and watch my friend-my boyfriend, I suppose-sleep, his chest moving up and down rhythmically, his lips parted under his dishevelled hair.

Somehow it feels as if something has disappeared even as something new has started. The glare of sunlight reflecting off ice shines on Sirius' face and he's so beautiful, but for some reason the air seems heavy with loss. I guess I just don't like change much. And this is a big change. I don't know if I can cope. It was one thing when we were just kissing, it didn't seem so serious, didn't seem so _real_. But after this, our relationship has totally changed, and I don't have a good feeling about this.

"Mmmm…Remus?"

Screw this. The future can take care of itself. Whereas right now, Sirius is looking so lovely with his black hair hanging in tangles over his grey eyes, and I have much better things to do than worry.

"I love you, Sirius"

---

We're on the train back to York from Scotland now, because Mum decided that magical transport should only be used occasionally. I sit next to Sirius, watching the scenery blur past and become more familiar. Jess insisted that she was going to sit with Sirius instead of Mum and Dad, so there's three of us on a two-person seat. Sirius is telling her about Quidditch while he shows her the moving illustrations in his copy of Quidditch Through The Ages.

This can't be right. It's too good to be true, the way things are. It'll go wrong, we'll break apart and the Marauders with us. There's no way this can last. Nothing ever does, especially not Sirius' love affairs.

---

"Should old acquaintance be forgot 

_And never brought to mind_

_For the sake of Auld Lang Syne, my dear_

_For Auld Lang Syne…"_

Faces flushed with warmth and wine, snow falling outside in drifts about a metre deep, wind whistling around the stone walls of our old farmhouse, three people jammed in one chair due to lack of space, several tons of food brought by everyone in the village…this is the Lupin New Year. The clock has struck and we've welcomed in 1978 in style. Now is the time from which the guests, most of the village plus several family members and friends, begin to dissipate, leaving us with immense amounts of leftovers.

And I for one am exhausted. Jess is amazingly still full of energy, as is Sirius (they're making "the biggest snowball ever in the world" out in the field), but somehow I'm the one who's been volunteered to help clear up. Life can be so unfair.

But I'm almost done. After the last few stragglers leave, I can finally go to bed.

A cold draught blows a miniature blizzard in through the back door as the snowball-makers trample packed snow onto the carpet. Jess flings herself onto my lap, soaking my trousers with icy water, and Sirius squeezes between the chair arm and me.

"Sirius, there're lots of chairs now. Why are you sharing with me?"

He snuggles up against me.

"You're warm."

"Well then, you shouldn't go out in the snow." But I put an arm around him anyway, and grab my sister around the waist.

It's not long before I hear a slight difference in Sirius' breathing and I realise both my energetic companions are dead to the world. My own eyelids are growing heavier in the stifling warmth of the fire.

And now I know. It doesn't matter what could happen, this is what I want. A perfect moment. I'll hold it in my mind forever, the man I love slumbering beside me, his warm weight crushing me against the chair, my sister on my knees, thumb in mouth, curled up sleeping, the snow outside muffling any contact from outside, the dying taste of cream and chocolate in my mouth from the slice of cake I just had…no matter what, even if anything goes wrong, this will have been an unspoilt, perfect moment. That's my last thought as I drift into welcome sleep.

---------

Yes, it's been about three billion years since my last chapter. Bad author.

My excuse? My Sirius-shaped muse got stuck on his Arithmancy homework and my Remus-shaped muse was explaining it to him. (Aka I had homework to do and anime to watch)

Anyway, this was really a bit filler-y, but whatever. PLOT starts next time.

Sirius-"PLOT????"

Go and do your homework, Sirius.

Sirius and Remus are (c) JK Rowling


	20. Return

XX : Return Sirius 

"Sirius! SIRIUS!"

Mmmph, go 'way, Moony. It's too comfy in bed to get up. I'm nice and warm here…it's COLD on the other side of the duvet.

Which is suddenly yanked off me.

I yelp in protest and try to grab it back, not bothering to open my gummed-up eyes.

"Sirius, get up and pack your stuff, you damn lazy dog. We're leaving for London in about an hour."

I shoot up, almost hitting the ceiling in shock.

"WHAAAAT????"

He leaves the room.

---

It's taken me almost half an hour to separate all my stuff, flung all over Remus' room, from his. And now my goddamn suitcase will not shut. It went in before; it has to go in now. Laws of the universe. GAH! SHUT, DAMN YOU! SHUUUUT!!!!

I chuck it on the floor and jump on it. The lid makes an ominous cracking noise, but it does stay closed long enough for me to click the catches and fasten the lid down.

The door creaks open and Remus comes in.

"You know, Sirius, it really would be easier if you'd just FOLD the clothes instead of dumping them in randomly at the last moment. You know full well you only got everything here because I helped you pack. Do not deny it, you know it to be true."

"No offence, Moony, but I really didn't have time to fold stuff."

"Should have packed yesterday then." Remus grins, gesturing at his own neatly-packed suitcase, sitting smugly by the wardrobe. Stupid suitcase. You just like Remus better than my suitcase likes me. You've even got his NAME on you. Mine's got Regulus' name on it. It is loyal to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, which is why it hates me. I give it a kick. It springs open, spewing its contents all over the floor.

"Bugger."

Remus bends down to help me repack. "You are a complete idiot, Sirius Black, do you know that? A class A moron." He is sitting down by my suitcase, and he is actually FOLDING MY SOCKS! Who actually devotes time to socks? Remus Lupin, that's who.

"Reparo" Tapping the glass with his wand, he hands me the photo he gave me for Christmas. "And this, my dear Pads, is why we do not jump on suitcases with fragile items in them."

---

"Remus Lupin, you are a god of packing, a complete miracle worker, a master suitcase-tamer, an angel of amazingness, an inspiration in the field of…of…of stuff!"

"Shut up, you insanity-riddled freak of nature. I just folded your clothes. Incidentally, we are leaving in…" he looks at his watch, "…ten minutes, so if you want food I would suggest you get some now."

---

"So, Sirius, looking forward to going back to school?"

"Mmmmfghh."

"Really? That's nice. Would you like me to eat these chocolate frogs for you?"

"Mmmgfgh!!!"

"You would? All right."

I swallow my mouthful of bread. "Touch those and you die, and I mean that quite literally." I try to grab them off him, but having both hands full of food, this only results in me trailing crumbs across the seat. Oh, and dropping quite a large amount of crisps in his lap.

"My goodness, Sirius, you are rather a messy eater, aren't you? And don't even try to blame the motion of the train, you mucky puppy."

"Remus Lupin, you are evil incarnate."

---

"Hey, Remus, why the hell do you think it is that we have to go all the way down to London to get back up to the North again?"

"Because. Don't complain. It means we get a few hours in London, which can't be a bad thing, right?"

"Huh. It's all right for you. You have a Muggle parent with Muggle money. I have nothing but sickles and galleons, and not many of those. You realise anything I buy in Muggle shops will come out of your money, right?"

"Like hell it will"

"Oh my, Remus, you are so cold to those you love! Why must you be so cruel?"

"Why must you be so annoying?"

"Annoying? ME??? I am insulted! Jess, am I annoying?"

"Yes"

"Mrs Lupin, are all Lupins this cruel?"

"Don't ask me, I'm just the Muggle parent with Muggle money. John, are all Lupins this cruel?"

"Yes"

---

"I can see London!"

"Sirius, London has been fully visible for about half an hour. We are IN London now. _You're_ the soft southerner, I shouldn't have to tell you these things!"

…

…

…

"I can see London!"

---

"Hey, Remus, lend me ten pounds?"

"What for?"

"Not telling."

"Then no."

"Awwww…"

---

"Bye, Mr and Mrs Lupin! Thank you for letting me stay over! I had an awesome time!"

They grin and wave.

"Bye Jess! See you soon! Don't forget what I taught you about Quidditch! You'll need it in about seven years!"

Me and Remus dash through the barrier and onto the platform. Hello, smoke! Hello, crowds! Hello, Platform 9 ¾! Hello, Hogwarts Express! Hello, James!

And Lily. And Pete. But mostly James.

"Good holiday?"

"Great!"

"You'll never guess what happened! I met Lily in Diagon Alley and then there was this guy and then he stole Lily's bag and then I was running after him and I punched him in the face and I got her bag back and I was really cool, wasn't I Lily?"

"He did get my bag back. But he also got hit in the face with a Bat-Bogey Hex and went around all day with big black bogies flying out of his nose because he wouldn't let me reverse it."

"But you know you love me anyway, my little lilypad."

"Shut up, Potter."

Together, the five of us troop onto the train and find a spare compartment, sliding our cases onto the rack and sitting down, still chatting madly. There's more than enough space this time, with about four spare seats.

The whistle blows and the train starts to move off, the platform blurring into city then countryside.

"…So then Jess…have you met Jess? She's Remus' little sister, she's sooo sweet, she's only five but you can totally tell she'll be an awesome Quidditch player, you know, sometimes you just get the feeling…"

"Excuse me, is anyone sitting there?"

We all look up simultaneously from the pictures of Scotland spread out on my knee. There's some guy standing in the doorway, holding his suitcase. Hair a bit shorter than mine, about shoulder-length, honey-coloured, loose. Taller than Remus but shorter than me. Jeans and a t-shirt. Black eye. He seems vaguely familiar. What's his name? I'm pretty sure it starts with an M. Martin? Marvin? Montgomery? Margaret?

"I'm Michael. Michael Clarke. I'm in your year, only I'm a Ravenclaw."

He sits down next to Remus, putting his suitcase up on the rack.

I look at him. I have a bad feeling about this. Something about this picture does not bode well.

-------------

Quite a long chapter there::is proud of a not-very-long-at-all chapter::

AND some startings of some plot!

It's half two in the morning. Can you tell?

By the way, I am in LOVE with this paragraph.

""_Should have packed yesterday then." Remus grins, gesturing at his own neatly-packed suitcase, sitting smugly by the wardrobe. Stupid suitcase. You just like Remus better than my suitcase likes me. You've even got his NAME on you. Mine's got Regulus' name on it. It is loyal to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, which is why it hates me. I give it a kick. It springs open, spewing its contents all over the floor_."

It just goes to show, sometimes the best things happen on a sleep-starved mind. XD

I am glad to know you all adore me and comment on my crappy fic…keep it up, support your low-self-esteem-ed fanfic author…and just so you know, constructive crit is always welcome, since I SUCK at sticking to canon and rare is the day I can be bothered to look anything up…

And so I bid you…GOOD DAY::elaborate flourishing bow::

Sirius, Remus, James, Lily, Peter and all Harry Potter based things belong to our dear friend JK Rowling.

Michael and Jess belong to MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!


	21. Talking

XXI : Talking 

**Remus**

"Hi, I'm Remus Lupin. They're my insane friends Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, and our not quite as insane friend Lily Evans."

I shuffle my coat and book across the seat to give the new arrival room to sit down.

Sirius has stopped talking and is giving Michael an evil look. Looking confused, James pokes him.

"What were you saying?"

Snapping out of his daze, Sirius grins nervously.

"Um…um…what WAS I saying…I dunno…um…oh yeah, Edinburgh. You ever been to the Muggle shops in Edinburgh? Ooooh, awesome stuff. You wanna go there sometime, Prongs, it's fucking amazing! And there was this totally wicked druggie shop where you could like get flavoured papers and…"

Great. Sirius has gone into his There's-absolutely-nothing-wrong-with-me mode, which means he will be talking unmitigated bollocks for the next three hours. Not that there's a whole lot of change there. I pick up my book and start reading.

"Remus! Remuuuuusss!!!! Listen to meeeee!" Sirius tugs on my arm in an annoying way. Why am I in love with this guy again? Sighing, I fold over the corner of my page and dump the paperback on the desk.

"Sorry, Sirius, what were you saying?"

"I said…"

"Sorry Sirius, what were you saying?"

"Listen, dammit!

"Sorry Sirius, what were you saying?"

Now I know it's getting to him, it will never end. A little revenge for making me feel totally un-Remus-ish whenever he comes near.

"Hey, Lupin, you like this series?"

I turn to look at Michael, who's holding up my book and grinning. Reaching into his bag, he pulls out the sequel. Instantly my attention is entirely on him.

"Where did you get that? I didn't even know it was OUT yet!"

"Flourish and Blotts' catalogue. Don't you get it?"

"Nope, I didn't even know it existed!"

"Remus, what are you…"

"Sorry Sirius, what were you saying?"

---

We clamber off the train. It's still fairly cold, so I grip my robes tightly around me as me and the other Marauders get into the carriages to the castle.

It's only after we're all in that we realise Michael is standing forlornly on the platform. I call him over and we manage to crush him in by squeezing up along the seat until me, Sirius and Michael are practically sitting on each other. On the other side of the carriage, Lily and James are literally sitting on top of each other. I'm sure we shouldn't be crushing six people into a four-person coach, but what the hell.

Anyway, it's not like I'm complaining. I might be squished into a third of a two-person seat, but I am also pressed up against my boyfriend. I find his hand and squeeze it.

_I love you, Sirius._

_Meh, love you too, Remus._

He grins at me. I grin back. Michael looks slightly perplexed. James is kissing Lily.

"Get a room, you two!"

And…now Sirius is taking the piss out of James. The balance is restored. Sirius has come out of his There's-absolutely-nothing-wrong-with-me mode, which means he will continue to talk unmitigated bollocks but it will make some kind of sense and at least not worry me as much.

---

"Well, see you around, Clarke."

"See ya, Lupin, Black, Potter, Pettigrew, Evans. Thanks a lot."

We set off up the stairs to Griffindor Tower; he heads off to his own common room. Sirius visibly relaxes.

"Hey, Remus, you two got on pretty well, huh?"

I poke him, laughing.

"You're actually jealous, aren't you?"

"And if I am? Can't I be angry at the loss of my good friend's deep intellectual conversation?"

"You were free to join in whenever you wanted. You were just too busy enthusing about the proliferation of the drugs culture in Scotland, and the absolute awesomeness of North Yorkshire."

"Touché."

--------

Aaaaaaaand…we're back to the short chapters.

Look, don't blame me, ok! I'm under a lot of stress right now…do you KNOW how much homework I need to procrastinate on????

And today I had an exam (type thingy)! That's shocking…it's only the first half-term of the first year of my GCSE course. That is not long enough.

Anyhoodles…

Comments, faves etc earn my undying love, because I have no life. Also, from now on I shall attempt to reply to SOME comments!

Harry Potter and all those characters and settings and…and…and STUFF belong to JK Rowling

Michael Clarke belongs to moi!


	22. Maybe

XXII : Maybe 

**Sirius**

Well, we're back.

I wonder how I can convince Remus to sleep with me now we're in such a public place? Maybe I won't be able to. Surprisingly, that doesn't annoy me as much as I though it would. I guess I didn't just want his body after all. Just being with him, feeling like we're the only people in the world…that's enough.

And if anyone tries to break that feeling, anybody at all (and I'm thinking of certain people with long blonde hair and a black eye), I'll…I'll…I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pretty. I truly had a moment when I thought we would break up, when I thought Remus' love had found a new object, but I know that can't be true. I won't let it be true. They were just talking. Remus is a generous person, and Clarke was in trouble. They shared a few common interests. That's all.

So why do I hate the idea of them being friends?

"Sirius?"

I look into toffee brown eyes. Mmmm, NICE brown eyes. It's like drowning in melted chocolate…not the most poetic of metaphors, I realise, but true. Oh lord of choccy-eyes, how could I ever have doubted you? You are my one and only!

He crouches down beside me and lifts the photograph out of my suitcase, putting it in my hand.

"You've been sulking since we got back, Sirius, what's up?"

Oh shit. I don't want him to think I'm still worrying about him and Clarke. Anyway, I'm not. Definitely not. Not in any way. Not worried at all.

Really.

I laugh, trying to sound natural.

"Nothing. I'm fine. In fact I'm better than fine, I'm brilliant. It's nice to be back at good ol' school, right, Remus? Bet you can't wait to get back to all those lovely books in the library?"

With Clarke.

…

Nonononononono, not with Clarke. Don't be paranoid just because the library is the one place you don't usually stalk Remus. BAD Sirius-brain. What have I told you about thinking in situations like this? Behave!

And Remus, with a furtive glance around the empty room, kisses me, and my brain no longer needs telling not to work. Nothing about my body works properly when Remus does that to me. Well, except for a few parts I'm not going to think about, which are working all too well.

"Sirius, I've known you for five years now. I can tell when something's bothering you. Spit it out!"

I'm sorry I doubted you, brain! COME BACK!!! I need your heeelp!!!

"Um…I'm going to miss doing THIS!" I leap on top of him, straddling him, and kiss him, humming our song under my breath so my lips vibrate against his.

… _so come and dance with me Michael …_

Wait a second, Michael? That bastard Clarke even invades my fuck-ballad. Stupid Michael bloody Clarke! Must you destroy all that is dear to me?

Laughing, Remus pushes me off him, the worried look clearing from his face. "Perverted little puppy. We've done enough of THIS to last us a year, especially considering we're both underage."

"Touché"

"Touché indeed, _mon petit chien_."

---

I'm not sure whether to smile or cry as I settle down into bed. Tomorrow is the first day back in lessons, and you can guess how happy that makes me. And the whole Clarke/Lupin thing is enough to ruin my day. But I can hear Remus' quiet snores mixed among the varying levels of sleep-noise from the other boys, and I know that even if he stops loving me I will love him forever.

-----

Yup! Two chapters in two days! Go me::happy dance::

AND starting today I have a week off school! OH YEAH!!!! And me and my friends went and started a mosh pit at a rave this lunchtime, which was extremely awesome.

Just a point. I will be away over the weekend, but to stop the story drilling a hole in my skull and then escaping I shall write another couple of chapters tonight, and then I may as well post them.

Stuff minus Michael Clarke belongs to JK Rowling

And clearly Clarke belongs to me.


	23. Discovery

XXIII : Discovery 

**Remus**

"Sirius, get up. Sirius. Sirius. You have to the count of five."

"G'way, M'ny."

"One…two…three…four…FIVE!"

I leap at him, and his eyes snap open as he yelps in shock. I love the way Sirius looks in the mornings, with his hair tangled and his eyes bleary and a very appealing look of sleepy confusion in his usually sharp grey eyes.

"Morning, Pads."

---

I walk down the stairs to breakfast, trailing Sirius, James and Pete behind me. It's an old, old routine…we've been like this since first year. It's kind of annoying, since I'm the one at the centre of the routine. I have yet to work out how they even manage to get up after full moon, since it always takes me about ten minutes to get them into the land of the living and fully mentally operational.

We slide onto the bench next to Lily and her friends. Glancing around the room, I catch eye contact with Michael, sitting on the end of the Ravenclaw bench. I smile at him, and he smiles back. I'm pretty sure he's got new cuts and bruises on his face today. It looks like he's been in a fight, but I don't know, he doesn't seem like the type.

"What do you think, Remus? Would that work?"

James' voice brings me back to my own table. I look confused.

"Would what work, sorry? I was miles away."

He laughs in his Prongsy way and updates me on the conversation so far. A rather well thought out plot to seriously annoy Professor Cross, our strict and rather bitter Potions teacher. I listen carefully, pointing out areas that could be dangerous and suggesting improvements. By the time Pete's finished his fourth slice of toast, I've almost forgotten the blonde Ravenclaw.

---

"Urgh, that man is pure evil. PUUUURE evil!!!"

"Don't you think you might be overreacting a tiny bit, Sirius? Just because Professor Cross gave us three sides of parchment for tomorrow…actually, you're right. He is evil. I am going to the library now to get this done. Shouldn't you…"

"No. Quidditch practice."

I shrug, turning off into the library as Sirius heads outside. My bag makes a loud clunk as I dump it on the desk and pull out my potions textbook, a quill and a roll of parchment.

_A bezoar is an item of many uses in potion making. Not only can it be utilised as an antidote, due to its ability to neutralise poisons, it can…_

"It can be crushed and used as an ingredient in many potions such as Wolfsbane, which are designed to suppress unnatural urges."

I look up.

"Michael!"

He grins. I was right, he definitely has got a more damaged face. A long cut runs from the bottom of his bruised eye to about halfway down his cheek and the left side of his forehead is several shades of purple and red, not to mention the several other bruises and small cuts covering his face and neck.

"Hi, Remus." He looks over at my work and whistles softly. "That's a pretty tough essay for the first day back. When's it due?"

I grimace. "Tomorrow."

"You want help?"

"Well…would you mind?"

"If I minded, I wouldn't have offered."

His long hair brushes the paper as he leans over to look at my book, wincing.

"Ow."

"What's wrong?"

He gestures wordlessly at his injuries.

"You should go to the hospital wing, Michael. That can't be healthy."

"I'm fine."

Now I know where I am. This is the same type of bull-headedness I got from Sirius after some cousins beat him up for being a blood-traitor. This I can cope with.

"Who is it? Why?"

He puts on a confused expression, but I can see he wants to talk. I don't know how, but I always know if people are hiding things that they really want to say to you.

"It's ok, Michael. I won't judge you. Trust me, I've had similar problems."

He smiles.

"Ok, if you insist. I don't really like talking about it, but somehow I feel I can trust you."

Sitting on the table, he leans over to me, his hair brushing my face, two shades of gold mixing, and whispers in my ear.

-----

So now it's two chapters in one day :)

I hope you enjoyed it

And I think this plot may sort itself out sooner than I expected. Stupid muses with a life of their own…::grrrrr::

Michaelmine

Everything elseJK Rowling's.


	24. Broken

XXIV : Broken 

**Sirius**

I'm not spying on Remus. I'm really not. I just happen to have found out that Quidditch practice was cancelled and gone into the library to do homework and coincidentally been looking through the gap between two books through which Remus is unexpectedly visible. I'm definitely not stalking him.

And I definitely didn't watch for Michael to come in, and mentally explode when he sat next to Remus and started talking to him like an old friend.

But I did see Michael lean over and I did see Remus put his arms around him and hold tight and I did see their faces get so close to each other they were indistinguishable through the hair and I did drop the book and run at this point.

It's not fair, I think as I rush up the stairs to the dorm. It's not fair. Remus was supposed to be in love with me!

_And you were supposed to trust him._

I can't think about this, I just want to get as far from the two of them as possible, as soon as possible. I throw myself through the portrait hole, my eyes burning with suppressed tears, a lump in my throat the size of a Horntail egg…

I draw the curtains around my bed and sit there, cross-legged, staring blankly at the photograph hung on my wall. Me and Remus laughing, back when I was happy.

I thought he belonged to me, but he's a wolf. Wolves need no masters. But give a dog love and he'll stay by you forever. All it takes is a little love and you can do no wrong. Well, not with this dog.

In a sudden fit of rage, I wrench the picture off the wall and throw it at the bedpost. The glass within the black frame glitters for a moment then falls into as many pieces as my heart.

I scrabble through the knives of broken memories to pull out the glossy paper. Staring at it blankly, my tears fall onto my bloodied hands and wash the reddened glass clean. Then, slowly, methodically at first, I rip the photograph in half, and half again, and again and again and again and again in a fury of ripping paper and bleeding hands and shining tears and dead moments.

I can't hold on to you any more, Remus. I never deserved you to start with, and you don't need me. Keep Michael for yourself, and I will never let my pain show, I swear to God. I won't let Clarke take away the Marauders on top of everything else.

I sweep the debris from the destruction into a box, and close the lid, hiding it under my bed. There's no point fixing it…the memories will never repair themselves and the cracks will never heal. But somehow I don't feel I can throw it out.

Then, wiping away the mix of tears and blood with my sleeve and finger-combing my wild hair, I set off to the hospital wing to get my hands sorted out.

Soon I can find someone new, let Remus get on with his life the way it was before I ruined it all with that stupid letter, take life back to where it used to be, make myself happy again.

I can leave this stupid, lovely time behind me and walk forwards, never looking back.

I can do it.

---------

ARGH! NOES!

Do not worry, fellow puppyshippers, for it does not end here. It's just a temporary emo moment (not ruined by Evans.)

I like writing emo stuff. Can you tell?

Now my next chapter should come about Monday or Tuesday, so look forward to it XD

Annnnd…I think that's all I want to say

JK Rowling owns Sirius and Remus, I own Michael. Shame, I'd rather have it the other way around.


	25. Advance

XXV : Advance 

**Remus**

I stare at Michael in shock.

"Really?!? When???"

"This summer, which was why you won't have seen me around. I missed the first term, I'm sure you understand why."

"And the…" I gesture at his cuts and bruises.

"Oh, that. I'm sure you of all people would realise that most teenage wizards have been raised hating people like me…people like us. My House mostly just make snide comments and avoid me, but a couple of Slytherins and Griffindors got wind of it and decided to force me out. First time I've ever seen the two Houses work together so well." He gives a lopsided grin. "I guess at least I'm contributing to school unity. Anyway, they're probably right. You're prepared for this, you've lived with it so long and your friends support you. I'm dangerous. I shouldn't be allowed back to Hogwarts."

I look at him for a moment, trying to process the information. Then I grab him by the shoulders and glare fiercely at him. "Don't ever think like that, Michael. You can manage this. I'll help you."

He stares back at me, tears catching like diamonds on his long blonde eyelashes. Then, suddenly, he flings his arms around my neck and kisses me as passionately as the first time I kissed Sirius. My eyes widen in shock, and for a moment I can't even move.

Then I pull away. "Michael. I can't do that. I've got a boyfriend." Picking up my bag and my book, I jump out of the niche I was occupying and flee the library.

---

I sit by the lake, staring into the black waters. The sunlight sparkles on the surface, but the depths reach on forever and ever.

How deep are Michael's feelings for me? Come to think of it, how deep are mine for Sirius? I didn't pull away instantly, and I do find Michael very attractive. So do I love Michael, or Sirius? Can you love two people at once.

And I was so caught up in the heat of the moment that I failed to ask one very important question.

How on earth did Michael know I was a werewolf?

Sighing, I gather my things, ready to return to the school and find my friends in time for the next lesson. I'm also getting quite chilly. It is, after all, still only January, and there was frost this morning. The grass is still damp, darker in many places where countless feet bruised the delicate frozen leaves.

But as I haul myself up, a warm hand grabs mine. Michael kneels down next to me.

"Remus, I need to talk to you. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that just out of the blue. Can we just pretend it never happened? I would really like to be able to talk to you sometimes. I need a friend like you."

I look at him. Call me softhearted, but it's just impossible for me to abandon someone who's looking at me so pleadingly, especially with a werewolf problem and a pack of thugs on his tail. I love Sirius. I can stay strong enough to reject any pass Michael makes at me. And I really do want to help him, since his situation is so familiar.

"Consider the matter dead and buried, Michael. Just forget it."

He grins and slaps me on the back.

"Oh yeah. Michael, how did you know I had the same problem as you?"

"Problem? Oh…um, I noticed last year that you were often missing during lessons and mealtimes around full moon, but it only really clicked after it happened to me."

But…if that's what it was, other people might have noticed. If other people realise what I am, my life, the life I've worked so hard to build despite my condition, will crumble around my ears.

Oh well. That's a problem for another day. I smile at my friend and set off to Transfiguration.

---

Slipping into my seat, I dump my book on the table and grin at Sirius. His hands, bound in white linen bandages, smell slightly of Murtlap essence.

"What happened there?" I mutter, turning one of his palms over and examining it.

"Caught some broken glass. It's nothing serious. I'm fine." His face is smiling but his eyes aren't. I wonder if he's hurt worse than he'll let on.

----------

SHO-O-ORT!

Well, at least I'm back, with a bruised butt and lungs full of seawater and a mind full of oneness with the universe and extreme hyperness.

And soon, my pretties, soon I shall release another chapter of this story to the open sky of you enjoyed it :D

The content of the Harry Potter books is © JK Rowling (like everybody on earth doesn't already know that. I bet there are rodents in little holes in the Sahara desert who read Harry Potter)

Michael © me


	26. Start Anew

XXVI : Start Anew 

**Sirius**

That's it.

I walk out of Charms with my head held high. If I can look Remus in the eye without crying, if I can talk to him as if the last couple of months had never happened, if I can feel happy he's found someone better, I'll be fine.

And I made it through. An afternoon by his side, making jokes, sending stupid notes, copying his work…not a tear in my eyes. I'm over him. I'll move on.

And find someone new.

It's not that I need distracting or anything; I just don't like being alone. Anyway, I'm a hormonal teenage boy. I need some sort of outlet for my raging romantic impulses.

I'm so lost in thought, I don't even notice the fourth-year Hufflepuff walking down the corridor until I literally trip over her, scattering the books she was carrying and spreading a puddle of ink and ground glass onto the flagstones.

"I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going!" She bends to clear them up, her loose tresses falling around her slim shoulders.

I take the opportunity to look her over. She's pretty, with her long thick black hair and big grey eyes. Nice body too. And a lovely personality. Bingo! She's perfect to heal my broken heart and help me get over the werewolf I definitely don't love anymore.

I turn on the patent Padfoot charm.

Smiling kindly, I crouch down next to her and wave my wand to clear up the spilt ink.

"No, it was totally my fault. I'm really sorry. How can I make it up to you?" I grin. "How about I take you out sometime?"

Blushing, she hides under her hair. "I don't want to be any trouble."

I put my hand under her chin and lift it up so she's looking me in the face. "It's no trouble. In fact, it's an excuse. Because I think you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and because I want to get to know you better"

And by _get to know _I mean _stick my tongue down your throat._

She colours even further, but she's smiling. "Well, since you want it so much, I suppose I'll come out with you sometime."

"Thank you," I say, and mean it. "Now, would you like me to help you with those books?"

---

As we walk along together, I find out we have more in common than I expected.

"Thestral? You like Thestral too? I've loved that band since before they got signed. I grew up in the same village as them! My brother is really good friends with the drummer."

"No, me and my dad's family really don't get on. I was supposed to go to Ravenclaw like the rest of them, but I'm just a bit too lazy."

"That's really weird! I'm an April birthday too! Actually, that makes me almost a whole year younger than you. Is this really alright?"

She really is perfect. She's far better suited to me than a certain toffee-haired, chocolate-eyed someone…

"Ah, Sophie. Thank you." Professor McGonnagle takes the stack of textbooks off my companion. "And Mr. Black too, I see. Finally decided to help somebody else instead of sitting around and waiting for Mr. Lupin bail you out."

"I won't be doing that any more." I tell her with total conviction.

"Hmph." She shuts the door.

I look at Sophie for one long moment. I'm free of Remus. I am. To prove it, I back the younger girl against the big wooden door the Professor just closed and kiss her.

She gasps in surprise but then returns the kiss, wrapping her arms around me and gripping at clumps of my cloak. It's nice. Not like it was with Remus, all angles and hard muscle…she curves in the right places and her lips and body are soft and warm.

But somehow it's not as good as it was with Remus, either. I kiss harder, searching for that something that just isn't quite there.

And then I hear a sudden intake of air and the sound of boots pounding away across flagstones. Turning, I catch black robes and gold-brown hair curling around the corner as someone flees, leaving an all-too-familiar leather satchel lying on the cold flagstones. Disentangling herself from my grip, Sophie walks over to the battered bag and extracts an exercise book.

"Remus J. Lupin." She looks at me quizzically. "A friend of yours?"

Guilt flashes through me, but it's followed by a fierce thought. _He hurt me first. He deserves to be hurt worse. _

That was a childish thought. Worse, it was a Slytherin thought through and through.

But I don't care.

"A friend? Not really." I take her hand. "Shall we go?"

---------

HA!!! Bet I made you think they'd get back together, didn't I? ((No))

Sorry, but there's a couple of chapters about my characters in conjunction with the puppies that rather need writing. Believe me, I want them back together as much as you do!

Yay for quarter past four in the morning after a busy day! facepalm

Stuff out of Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling

Sophie is mine.


	27. Give Up

XXVII : Give Up 

**Remus**

I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand. I can't read the page in front of me, the blurring tears clouding my vision. I've been crying basically non-stop since I saw them.

How could I have been stupid enough to believe that Sirius could ever really love me? Wasn't it enough that he was my friend? Couldn't I have been satisfied with that instead of ruining it all with that first kiss?

I knew it wouldn't last.

It doesn't stop it hurting.

I shrink deeper into the shadows of my favourite niche, trying to forget what I saw. Why did I have to come to see the Professor at that precise moment? I could have spent just a little longer believing he loved me, believing my life would be perfect, not knowing it wasn't true.

"There he is!"

Bury my face in my robes, hide the tears, don't let anyone see.

"Remus?"

My voice comes out cracked and muffled. "Michael? Lily?"

The redhead smiles at Michael. "Good luck cheering him up. I'm going to leave you guys alone and see if you can get him sorted out, ok?" With that, she turns and departs, leaving me and Michael.

He puts an arm around me. "Remus, will you be ok? What happened?"

I try to answer, I really do, but when I try to speak I just cry harder. Anyway, saying it out loud would only make it real, irrevocable...true.

He sways back and forth, holding me in his arms, rocking me the way my father did when I was six, after the werewolf came. His arms feel secure. My shoulders shake as the silent tears roll down my face.

Wiping my eyes, I smile shakily. He grins back.

"Better now?"

I nod mutely.

"Now, are you going to tell me what actually happened, Re…"

I cut him off by putting my lips to his. I don't know why I'm kissing him. To shut him up, to avoid answering the question, to forget, to remember, to fill up the gaping Sirius-shaped hole in my heart…whatever the reason, I kiss him, and while it might not have been the best kiss of my life, soaked in tears and snot and aching hollow hearts, when Michael responds in kind it feels as if someone wants me. It feels like someone needs me.

Finally, he breaks away.

"What happened to "dead and buried", Remus? What happened to "forget about it"? Not that I'm complaining, but what about your boyfriend?"

Needless to say, instead of making a clever comment, or even any comment, I opt to burst into tears again.

---

I'll never get Sirius back now anyway, so why worry? I hold Michael's hand tight as we walk to the Great Hall for supper.

"…you can seriously do that? That would be so awesome!"

"Well, I don't feel it's fair for you to pay for everything, since it was partly my fault…"

"Sophie, you're such a nice girl!"

Oh crap. Sirius and his new girlfriend are also walking towards the dinner hall, right in front of us. I tense. My eyes prickle.

"Remus, are you all right?"

On hearing my name, the petite girl who I last saw pressed against a wall with my boyfriend turns. "Excuse me, are you Remus Lupin?"

She's so pretty. I can see why Sirius prefers her to me. Her eyes are a lovely silver, not like my own muddy brown ones. Like Sirius'. They're so clearly made for each other it makes me want to start crying all over again.

Michael nudges me.

"Sorry, yes, I'm Lupin."

She gives a pretty little smile. "Is this your bag? I found it earlier, so I've been trying to find you to get it back to you."

She's nice, too! Sirius has really found his perfect girlfriend. I'm jealous.

I accept the bag and run away from the doors. I can't cope any more. I just can't take seeing Sirius so happy without me. Selfish, I know, but I am selfish.

And I leave Sirius and his new life behind as Michael pounds after me. We outcasts have to stick together, I think as I lock the toilet cubicle on the two of us and kiss Michael as hard as I can, trying to stifle the pain. Two lonely werewolves.

---------------

Snore, it is 5 am. I really feel it is time for bed XD

Can't be bothered to write a funny comment.

Stuff © JKR

Other stuff © me


	28. Reconcile

XXIII : Reconcile 

**Sirius**

I sit by the lake, watching the sun set over the sullen water. A red orb hovering over the Forest, no longer blinding, dim and dying, turning the stone of the castle to bronze. In the other direction, the ghost of a moon fades into the darkening sky. It's almost full. Funny how I hadn't noticed that. Perhaps I was deliberately not looking. The moon reminds me of Remus.

It's been a week and then some since that fateful day. He seems happy, despite the fact he's been avoiding me more and more. I wonder how we'll manage when the moon is full. Maybe I could find some excuse, leave it to Wormtail and Prongs. It'd be weird though. Since I met him, I've spent every single full moon during term time in the Shack. I have no idea what it'd be like if I didn't. Could he cope?

_Don't kid yourself, Black. You don't mean that much to him, or anyone for that matter._

Still, I should be happy. Remus has found true love, however much it hurts me to think like that, and as for me…

Well, I've got Sophie.

"What are you doing out here, Sirius? It's freezing. Come inside?"

I suppose it is cold, really. I hadn't noticed.

A hand touches mine. Sophie lowers herself to the ground next to me.

"Are you all right?"

I turn, look at her, smile.

"Fine. I'm fine."

Almost unconsciously, my hand finds the scrap of paper in my pocket. I've taken to carrying around a piece of that photograph. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I harbour a hope that some day I'll be strong enough to throw it away, maybe it's to torture me with memories of what's gone before, maybe it's to remind me not to make the same mistakes again…I don't know. But somehow it always seems to find its way there. I rub my fingertip over the smooth surface, wishing I could fall back to those days when we'd laugh together, love together, be together.

I thought it'd last forever.

Nothing ever does.

"Sirius? You in there?"

I turn to look at Sophie, and realise with a start there are tears prickling my eyes.

"What's wrong? What is it?"

I shake my head.

"I told you. It's nothing. I'm fine."

She looks at me, staring straight into my eyes.

Then she slaps me.

"You IDIOT, Sirius! I might just be a stupid little Hufflepuff kid, but I can tell when there's something wrong! Don't lie to me!" Her voice subsides. "Even if the truth hurts me, don't lie to me."

I clench my hand around the scrap of paper. "I can't explain. It's complicated."

Her only response is to glare harder. "Sirius Black, there is nothing so complicated that you can't explain it. I'm prepared to stay here all night, so give me an explanation now. I don't care how garbled and incoherent it is, as long as I get an answer. Tell me what's wrong. I need you to be happy."

I can tell I'm fighting a losing battle here. Nice and kind Sophie may be, but she's also as stubborn as a mule and I know she won't give up until she's extracted every detail from me. I could make something up, but I'm so tired of lying, and she doesn't deserve to go on believing every lie I tell.

So I tell her. I also assure her (and as I assure her I'm also making sure that I know too) that I no longer love Remus. I love her.

She sits and listens as twilight gives way to night, and she looks me in the eye the whole time as I fumble for words and my nervous fingers twist around the paper in my pocket. She hardly moves or speaks until I stop talking.

Then she sits back on her heels and examines me closely.

"You know, Sirius, I'd say it's quite obvious what's going on here. You still love Lupin, don't you? You won't admit it, to me or to yourself, but it's so clear." Her voice cracks. "And I don't really know him too well, but I'd say he loves you too. You can tell by the way he looks at you. That's why he hates me, just like you hate Clarke. I took you away from him." She's trying to hide her tears by now, but they fall like diamonds in the moonlight. "You have to show him that you love him."

This is too much. There's no way I'm putting her through this. I move closer to her, putting my arms around her shaking shoulders. "I don't love him, Sophie. I love you. I always will. I'm not leaving you." I lean in to kiss her, but she pushes me away.

"Shut up. Shut. Up. You just don't get it, do you? It's not about me. I'm just a bit player in your big romance story; I'm just a fallback, a rebound. But if I give up, if I do what I really want to, if I let you kiss me and let you think you can fall in love with me, if you can't be happy with the one you really love, then I'll never forgive myself, all right? I love you, Sirius. That's why I have to find the strength to let you leave. You're just going to walk out of my life after such a short time. And that's the way it has to be." She sits there, her angry eyes glittering with tears, her breath ragged and choking, and she gives a half-smile. "You know, Sirius, I'm a failure. Nothing I've ever done has ever gone right. But if I can give you a shot at happiness, just one chance, I'll have finally…finally…I'll have done something right…I just…I just…I just…I just want you to be happy!"

Tears soak my robes as I put my arms around her, holding her so tightly. It's not fair. Everywhere I go, everyone who loves me, I destroy. It's my fault. And she'll give me up for this tiny chance that I can be happy.

"Sophie…"

"D…don't argue. Just do it."

---

Remus walks from the library with Michael. Sophie squeezes my hand and then lets go, running away down the corridor towards a group of her friends.

I touch his arm. He turns around, looking at me as if he's never seen me before in his life. I almost wimp out, my heart and stomach somersaulting around, vying for position as "Most Off-putting Organ Of The Year 1978" He doesn't need this. He's got Michael, I don't figure in his romantic life any more. But the simple fact is, he's in every feature of mine. Summoning up all my courage, I say the hardest few words ever said.

"Remus. I need to talk to you."

There. It's said. It's up to him now if he chooses to listen or not. He follows me as I lead him to an alcove under the stairs.

I hold his hand, feeling the blood pumping through my veins. I feel sick. The way I felt before my first Quidditch game is an oasis of calm compared to this. There's no way he'll want to hear this.

"Remus, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…I thought…oh sod it all."

As my eyes prickle and my cheeks burn, I lean forwards and kiss him.

-------

All right, I severely apologise for the last chapter. See, the artistic mind, at least MY artistic mind, suffers from two problems, which I like to call hypoinspiration and hyperinspiration. The first, lack of inspiration, is what causes me to write nothing for weeks. The second, over-inspiration, is what causes me to write fanfic chapters at five am in the morning, which is sadly what happened with my last instalment.

I'm sorry.

Anyhoooodledydoodles…the puppies are getting back together! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Finally!

Now you can stop bugging me about it!

I'm kidding. Bug me any time you like. As previously stated, it makes me feel very loved.

On the subject of which, thank you for faves, alerts, messages, random stalking across the entire interweb…

I love you guys:3

Everything except Michael and Sophie © J K Rowling

Michael and Sophie © me


	29. Rejection

XXIX : Rejection 

**Remus**

My eyes widen. I gasp in shock as his lips touch mine. It feels good. It feels like it always has. It feels like we've never been apart.

It feels right.

I close my eyes and lean into Sirius, his black hair brushing my trembling hands. I want this so much.

But then…but then…Michael's voice, calling my name. Michael's face, bruised and battered and his eyes full of love. Michael's comforting arms when Sirius was no longer there. Michael.

I can't do this to him. I know now that I don't love him like I love Sirius, never did, never can, but I also know that he loves me that way, and I don't know if Sirius does.

Too little, too late, Sirius Black. You can't betray me then steal me back with just a kiss and a "sorry." You hurt me so deeply that day. I can't forgive you that. You lost me the moment you kissed her.

How long has it been, Sirius, since the lips you forced against mine touched hers? How long since she felt the same euphoria, the same love, the same feeling you're pouring into me? How long since you looked in her eyes, the eyes that are as grey as your own, and told her you loved her like you told me so often before?

Has it been days? Hours? Minutes? Can she still taste the lingering touch of your mouth as you hold me close?

How long has it been, Sirius?

It doesn't matter. I don't care if you kissed her once then never again. In fact that would make it worse, if you couldn't even leave me for someone you loved truly.

I don't care any more. You live your happy life, flitting from partner to partner and back again like a butterfly. Do you see our hearts wilt as you leave? Do you even care if we never love again, as long as you get your moment with us?

Well, screw you. I do care about the people I leave behind. I'll not let Michael cry the way I cried.

The way I'm crying.

Hot tears stream down my face. I try to hold them back. I cry too much. I have to be strong, I have to be a man, I won't cry like a little boy any more. I won't. I WON'T!

I put my hand on Sirius' chest and push him away. He reels, confused. I take advantage of his moment of weakness and catch my balance.

"Sirius. Don't do that to me again. Never again. If you think that all you have to do is apologise and that makes it all better, you don't know me. You never will." I turn my back. "I hope we can still be friends, Sirius, but I doubt it."

I walk away, to the Great Hall, to my friends, to Michael.

Away from Sirius.

Behind me, I hear his gasp, his sobs. So he really did think that would be all it took.

You underestimated me big time, Sirius. I'd find it funny if it didn't make me cry inside. All this time I thought you knew me, but clearly I was wrong.

I walk on; I take Michael's hand.

And I don't cry.

You'll never make me cry again, Sirius. Go back to your happy fickle life. I won't let you hurt me any more.

I'll never let you make me cry.

---

Lalalalala, ANGST::bangs head off wall:: angst…angst…angst…angst…

Awwww, I know I promised (repeatedly) that the puppies'd get back together, but I didn't say WHEN, did I? Noooooope….::smirk::

I am evil in human form. Muhahaha.

Lalalalala…

In other news, Ruthie (that's me, in case you were wondering) is vewwy sowwy for taking so long to update. ::bows down and begs for forgiveness::

PLEASE DON'T HURT MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Hurt my German teacher instead, for he doth torture me with German coursework in my Moon-and-Stars-writing time aka half term. And yes, people, this is a prime example of leaving things to _das letzten minuten. _(which is really bad German)

Also, this weekend I shall…OH MY GOD NOOOOO!!!! SPEAK TO ME INTERNET! SPEAK TO MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

(Yes, if you hadn't noticed, my internet is on-and-off fading to off. I shall attempt to put this chapter up in one of its rare "on" moments.)

Lalalalala…

I'm all out of creative ways of saying that most of the concepts and characters in this fanfic belong to one Ms J K Rowling but Michael and Sophie belong to me…

Oh wow, I pulled it off for another chapter!


	30. Promise

XXX : Promise 

**Sirius**

I stare after his disappearing back. Tears fall and my shoulders shake, but I don't move for an everlasting moment.

I won't turn my back on him. I did wrong, I screwed up, it's my responsibility to sort myself out. I won't give up, Remus. I'll get you back if it kills me! (Which it may well do, judging by the look on my dear Moony's face)

Whatever happens, I'll get you back.

I'll find a way.

I'll…

"Oi, Pads, what's up? I haven't seen you this upset since…well, ever, actually. Oi! Hellooooooo?"

I grab James' arm as he reaches out to poke me in the back, and, grinning rather insanely, I flatten his hair with my free hand. Squealing like a little girl, he slaps my hand off his wrist and forages in his bag for the ever-present mirror, carefully ruffling his hair back into its famous impression of a hedgehog having a bad hair day. I laugh as he tweaks each individual strand into place.

"Vanity, vanity, Prongs. Anyone would think you were going back on the market, with blatantly girl-attracting behaviour like that."

In response, he pulls out my hair tie and ruffles my hair so it hangs over my face in tangled strands.

"Taken."

Because I know how much it annoys him, I smooth down his hair again just as he lets go of the last strand and looks ready to admire his reflection again.

"Wonder how long that will last, when Lily realises that you take ten times as long as her on your hair?" I dodge the friendly thump he aims at me. "How long do you take on your makeup, JANE?"

"You dare accuse me of cross dressing?"

"Well…"

"Wearing Lily's jumpers does not count!" He aims another blow, which even I, Sirius Black, athlete extraordinaire, fail to dodge. "Anyway, as discussed, that is strictly a comfort thing and perfectly allowable under the "wearing your life partner's clothes" act of 1977."

"The act you invented shortly after being granted access to Lily's wardrobe?"

"Well…yes." He ruffles his hair back up and straightens with all the dignity available to someone who has just announced his penchant for wearing his girlfriend's garments to the world. "Now, Mr Padfoot, unless you wish me to leave you to your pain and keep my fresh stock of dungbombs to myself, you shall abandon the entire subject of my clothing preferences and adjourn with me to the office of our good friend Mr Filch, who I am sure will be delighted to receive our loving gift of twenty dungbombs stuffed into an exploding toaster under his chair."

"Prongs, old chap, you talked me into it."

---

"Well, that's the toaster in place. Now the dungbombs…"

"Hey, Prongs, when Lily hated you, how did it make you feel?"

"Subtle, Pads. Real subtle."

"I'm serious!"

He puts down the brown spheres he was feeding into the toaster and sits silently for a moment. "Not good. Like there was nobody but me and her, and she hated me. I felt alone."

"But now you're together."

He grins, returning to his task. "Now we're together." Sliding the last bomb into the slot, he looks at me. "And, you know, that's partly because of you, I reckon. I don't know why, but after you talked to her last term, Lily got a whole lot nicer."

This is not helping, James.

"But the other part? How'd you get that far?"

He stands up, wiping his hands on his robes. "Sheer dumb luck, insane single-mindedness and of course my incredible animal magnetism."

"Don't annoy me, Prongs, this is a Remus-level trigger spell."

Great, my friend is absolutely no help. Dogged single-mindedness I can manage, I literally ooooooze animal magnetism, so I guess I have to rely on pure luck and imagination. Imagination is a tricky one though…I still have nightmares about James' more original bids for Lily's attention…the giant heart-shaped snitch on Valentine's, that was an all-time low. Or maybe that time he made us all sneak into the girl's dorms (no easy task in itself, due to its rather impressive defence system…the slide was fun…the blaring alarm not so much…) and paint Lily's name and portrait on the wall in pink, surrounded by hearts. I almost didn't get my reputation out of there alive. The memory still makes me shudder.

And yet somehow he's got the girl.

Lucky sod.

"Filch!"

Pete's voice comes suddenly into my thoughts, followed by James'

"Pads! Cloak!"

We leap under the Invisibility Cloak, and I thank whatever gods might conceivably be up there that I didn't finish off the trigger spell, or we would not come out of this smelling of roses. Maybe the stuff you grow roses on…

That is NOT the way to win back a boyfriend.

-----

Well, I had my angsty fun, now I shall go back to playing around with pranks. Yay! Funny stuff!

So now we enter arc 2.5, the re-conquest. Look forward to iiiit:)

Anyway, sorry to take so long updating.

Ooooo, it's nearly hallowe'en! Why did I not write this in real time? I could have had a hallowe'en special!

James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily's jumper, dungbombs and the invisibility cloak are all JK Rowling's. Imagine what a prank she could pull with those tools.


	31. Persistance

XXXI : Persistence 

**Remus**

Ahhh. I stretch out by the window, turning to the middle of my book. The air is crisp and clear, the winter sun is shining from behind the trees, the birds are singing, everything is so very peace…

"HIDE MEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

…ful.

James and Sirius tumble out from behind the bookshelves in an avalanche of loose pages and leather covers.

"Can I help?"

"Is there a part of HIDE MEEEEE!!!!! that you don't understand, Remus? You know the library like the back of your hand, specifically the parts where we could take shelter from a bloodthirsty librarian into who's tea we definitely did NOT put three teaspoonfuls of dried billywig stings. She's bobbing after us!!!! You have to help!!!"

"James, that was a pathetic prank."

"How d'ya figure? I found it quite hilarious, actually."

"If you get caught, it's pathetic."

His only response is to stick his tongue out. "Bleeeeh!"

"Fine, oh stupid one. Go down there and back there and through there and you can get out there. Now go away. I was enjoying the view."

"I'M enjoying the view…" Sirius says, with a note of longing in his voice he doesn't even try to hide as he stares lustfully at me. "I'd like to see a lot more of it."

_Don't react, Remus. Stay cool._

"Sirius, since you're in the library, can you find me a dictionary and look something up?"

"Anything for you, Remus…"

"Why thank you Sirius. The word is N-O."

---

"Hmmhmmhmhmhmmhmm…"

Sirius hums along tunelessly to the music in his head as he doodles on a corner of parchment. It's getting progressively more annoying and distracting, as his quill waves on the edge of my sight and he drones rhythmically and Professor Binns drones from the front of the classroom. I'm slipping closer and closer to the state I call limbo, which involves me sitting staring into space without blinking and which inevitably ends up with me spending ages in the library trying to catch up on what I missed. I can feel my mind slipping away…usually Sirius keeps me rooted with his constant jokes and bickering, but this lesson he's not talking, which probably means he is plotting some nefarious scheme.

Poke poke.

He rips off the edge of the page and slides it over to me.

_To the love of my life, Remus Lupin._

_Shall I compare thee to Honeydukes' Chocolate?_

_Thou art more beauteous and more tastyful._

_Browner than cocoa are thy eyes_

_Sweeter than caramel is thy hair_

_I'd like to eat you all up_

_My little Remmie-muffin_

_Yummy :)_

And he's drawn a picture, I see. Of me. Looking all chocolately and stick-mannish.

And him licking me.

Pads 

**It's hard enough for me to concentrate during a lesson with Binns without being subjected to your terrible poetic and artistic skills. Stop it. And don't say I haven't made my feelings on this clear.**

**And Remmie-muffin? That's worse than Lily-pad. Have you been taking tips from Prongs? If you have to bug me with your incessant flirting, at least give me a decent name.**

**How about Remus, Lord of Actually Getting Work Done?**

**Yours,**

**R,LAGWD**

_Remus, lord of actually getting work done?_

_That is the least sexy name I've ever heard. Thus it does not suit you, you sexy beast._

_If it's all right with you, I shall continue to call you Remmie-muffin. _

_Yours,_

_Sirrie-poo_

**SB**

**No. That is not all right with me, you idiot. Just stop screwing around.**

**RL**

_Well, sorry to my love who is so fair he is the east and something something something._

_I shall just call you Remus then. After all, it is a name as lovely as you._

_Your lovesick friend_

_Sirius_

Mr Padfoot and Mr Moony I'm bored. What are you talking about and can I join in? 

_**Prongs**_

**You REALLY don't want to join in this conversation, James. Talk to Lily or something.**

**Yours,**

**Moony**

---

I sit down at the Griffindor table, sighing. Sirius and James are late for dinner, off somewhere setting up a hilarious prank involving a priceless jade dragon statue, an illusion charm, several sweets, twelve pink cushions, a tripwire and the ever-present dungbombs. I was pretty sure the dungbombs were unnecessary, but James seems to have made it a personal challenge to run out of dungbombs before the end of the half term and is adding them to otherwise sophisticated traps left, right and centre. They'd better hurry up, though. The hall is pretty much full, and the long bench I'm sitting on is packed.

"Mooooony, budge up and let me sit next to my girlfriend, would you?"

"I would if I could, James, trust me on that."

"Anyway, why should you get a seat while my feet die? Do you want my feet to die? DO YOU???"

"Calm down, Sirius. Caaaalm…"

"Fine! I shall find a seat!"

I nod.

And then jump about a foot in the air in surprise, or would if it weren't for the fact that the entire reason I'm shocked is because a fifteen-year-old Animagus has appeared on my lap.

"Gerroff, Sirius. You weigh too much and I can't reach my food."

"So cold!" He wipes away an imaginary tear. "Almost as if you didn't care about the state of my poor relaxation-starved feet!"

"I don't."

"Really? I care about yours." He squeezes my leg. I care about every part of you…"

I upturn my forkful of haggis onto his head.

He picks it off, making ewwwww noises, and then flicks a bit of mashed potato at me, which flies over my shoulder and hits James in the ear as he's talking to Lily, who promptly throws a large chunk of turnip at Sirius, which misses and hits Pete in the nose, who hurls it back where it hits Mallory Brown, who chucks a beaker of pumpkin juice at Jack O'Heaney. A good old-fashioned food fight follows, earning Griffindor House minus fifty points and me and Sirius a ten-minute detention with Professor McGonnagle. What joy it will be to spend a lunchtime in a classroom with a horny teenage boy whose current goal in life is apparently to get me back. I look forward to it with great anticipation. NOT!

------

So I didn't get as far as doing a Hallowe'en fic

But Halloween was good for something. This writing was fuelled by candy.

Well, anyway…can't be bothered to go hyper in the comments.

Night night

Ruth xxx

Stuff © J K Rowling

Mistakes and shitness © me


	32. Wavering

**XXXII : Wavering**

**Sirius**

"Why good day to you, Minnie! Is it not a simply fabulous afternoon?"

I bound into the Transfiguration classroom, jumping onto a desk and grinning at the Professor. The corners of her mouth twitch, but she keeps her usual poker face on, looking sternly at me.

"Chair, Mr Black! And if I have to tell you to stop calling me Minnie once more you'll force me take points away from my own House, which is something I'd rather not do."

Before I can respond, Remus shuffles in, putting down his bag and sliding into a seat a few tables away. I slip back off the table and take a chair next to him, grinning at McGoogles.

"Well, Mr Black, Mr Lupin, I'm sure by now you know what to do in detentions."

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Remus take out a thick leather-bound book. His brown hair catches the cold midday sunlight, shining gold. His chocolate eyes are gripped by the page in front of him. I feel a wave of love and loss wash over me. It's not fair! I've been trying so hard, but…stupid werewolf…stupid morals…stupid me…

I dip my quill in my ink pot and start doodling on the back of my hand, trying not to look at or think about Remus Lupin. I can't think about failure just yet! It's only been a day since I started trying, anyway. It took James three years to get the girl, I can't give up after 24 hours. That's pathetic and un-marauderish.

But still…

He doesn't want me. He proved as much when he walked away from my apology. And I don't blame him. I was way out of order.

A knock on the door. McGoogles looks up. "Headmaster."

Dumbledore clears his throat. "Professor McGonnagle, I need to talk with you on matters of utmost importance concerning certain members of your House."

McGoogles nods, follows him out of the door. Was it my imagination or did I see a twinkle in the Headmaster's ancient eyes? I'm sure he just winked at me.

Probably just a trick of the light.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I was reflecting on my utter romantic failure. Maybe I should just have another shot at the dramatic apology. Maybe I should just give up. We could go back to how we were if I wasn't such a damn stubborn moron.

"Sirius?" Remus puts down his book and looks at me. His eyes are just so beautiful and deep. He has really long eyelashes too.

I don't have time to reflect on the gorgeousness of his eyes, because he reaches out for me and kisses me.

Hey brain, this is what we agreed we wanted, right? So why are you just going _WHAT THE FUUUUCK!!!!!!_? Work, damn you!

I hold him close as his soft lips move against mine and I run my fingers through his hair and he grips the back of my robes with clenched fists and I can feel his face growing hot and red.

He yanks away, cheeks fiery, tears rising. "Shit!"

He turns back to his book, his long fringe hiding his eyes. I can hear my breathing, fast and shallow, can feel my heart race, can taste Remus on my lips. He meant it. I can tell. There is still hope.

"Don't get the wrong idea, Sirius." Remus' voice is choked with embarrassment and anger, a sort of verbal blush. "That only happened because of the moon. I'm not getting back together with you. I can't do that to Michael, and to be honest I don't know if I can trust you enough any more anyway. You haven't won me back or anything. It's just the wolf."

I look at him; eyes blazing, cheeks pink, tears gleaming, so defiant.

"The wolf is part of you, Remus. So I'm not giving up."

-------------

The inevitable reconciliation draws ever nearer…

And the chapter lengths grow ever shorter…

Seriously, the day I write a Moon and Stars chapter longer than 2000 words is the day I'll meet Sirius Black i.e. never (or the day I die and go to heaven, in which reside all my favourite fictional characters…L, Moses, Sirius, Remus and so many more…)

Anyway, as you can see, Dumbles is 100 behind the puppies. I just wanted to work him in here, partly because he's awesome and partly because of the recent revelations vis a vis his sexuality which made me start plotting Dumbledore fanfic in my head which in turn leads to Dumbledore STAYING in my head and popping up all the time going "can I join in?" since the moment JK brought him out of the closet.

Anyway, it's only 11 pm but for some reason I'm really tired, so this is Ruthie signing off :)

Stuff © JK Rowling, she who keeps revealing stuff even after the series has stopped


	33. Endings And Beginnings

XXXIII : Endings and Beginnings 

**Remus**

Crap. I'm so bloody stupid. One lapse, one minute of caring about my selfish stupid damn lust for Sirius, and the carefully-crafted barrier I've spent the last two weeks building up has collapsed around my ears.

"I'm not giving up"

Dammit, Sirius, give up! Please give up! This is all your fault anyway. I was keeping Michael at arms length, sticking by you, and you kissed someone else and now you want me back. Well, screw it! I don't still want you. I don't. I DON'T! The wolf might, but the wolf isn't me, whatever you might think.

But…

If I'm honest with myself, there was at least as much of me behind that kiss as the wolf. I wanted it. All the wolf did was loosen my inhibitions somewhat, while Sirius was sitting there looking all dejected and gorgeous, the sun shining on his jet-black hair and reflected in his silver eyes, long beautiful hands traced with wet ink. Black and white, that's how Sirius looks and it's how Sirius sees the world. I've never heard a moral dilemma he hasn't instantly leapt to one side of. Impulsive and judgemental, but still…

He's not giving up.

That's not particularly encouraging, Sirius. A couple of words, and another twist to the rack. Half of me wants to leap to Sirius' side, half tells me I should stay with Michael for his sake. The Id and the Ego, the self-interest and the conscience, the heart and the mind…they pull me apart. Between Michael and Sirius, I feel like I'm stretched so thin you could almost see through me. Can't I have a miracle, a wish upon a star, something to sort the whole damn mess out. Let me never have met Michael, let Sirius stop being so sexy, let me just spontaneously lose every romantic fibre in my body, just stop this endless battle already!

"Moony! Moony! Earth to Moony!"

James drops a wodge of paper in my lap.

"What's this?"

"Plans. Go over them with your red pen or something. This is the big one, Moony me old pal, this is the idea that will put the Marauders in prankster's history books for generations to come. So check it through and let us know if it's possible, bearing in mind that we are a group of supergenius insane pranksters and that we've got you to do the clever bits."

It's not plans, at least not what I'd call plans. It's actually a textbook, writing around the edges of the pages detailing a lesson's worth of notes between Sirius and James. I nod. It'll be something to distract me from my current romantic situation. Anyway, Prongs and Padfoot's ideas are usually pretty awesome and fun. And sophisticated. If they put that much effort into their schoolwork, they'd be scoring Es and Os in all their subjects and I wouldn't be spending so long helping them understand my notes.

Wouldn't help with my current problem with Sirius, though…

I flick through the book.

…caught by Filch again behind the hunchback witch… … warn us of Filch-raids… 

…_there any way we could…_

…_**if anyone could, we could. We know this place better than all the staff, I bet. Even Dumbles and McGoogles don't...**_

… could also use the hypothetical super-map to see where… …would've been useful in the Lily-stalking days… 

…_misuse of a sacred trust, Prongs. Such a masterful example of the pranker's art should be used for real mischief and mayhem causing…_

…_**could be spelled to…**_

My eyes are drawn to an extended scrawl halfway up page 37, part of a different conversation.

…_ever felt like this, J? Like you can't live without someone? Like they're all that matters? And seeing them with someone else really hurts, like soul-ripping-in-half? I dunno if I can cope, so tell me it's normal. I can't go on like this…_

Sirius…

---

I stand by the table in the library, waiting for Michael. It's after dinner, so he should be coming here to meet up and do homework with me, like we have every evening since we started going out. He's almost half an hour late, though.

"Evening, Remus."

I don't return his cheery greeting. In a minute, I'm going to have to tell him the hardest thing I've ever had to say to anyone. I've never really had to do this before. What should I say? What should I do? Should I even be thinking this? Should I just leave it? I feel more helpless than I ever have before.

"Remus, are you ok? What's up?"

This is it. I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. "Michael, I need to talk to you."

He looks at me. He listens. He stands there, tears glittering in the corners of his eyes, twisting his blonde hair between his long fingers.

My own throat is rapidly choking with tears of sympathy and regret, and I realise I actually do love Michael. Not like I love Sirius, but I care deeply about how he feels. I don't like hurting him. But if I don't break either Sirius' or Michael's heart, I might well explode in a shower of stretched emotions.

I put my arms around the taller boy, feeling his shoulders shaking as he buries his face into my shoulder, hating myself for breaking his heart.

"I'm sorry, Michael. I'm sorry." That's all I can say. I just feel like running off somewhere and hiding and never coming out. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to pull people apart. I want to hide everyone I love away, protect them from pain, but I can't. The source of the pain is me.

He pulls me off him, runs away wordlessly, feet pounding on the flagstones. I'm left standing there, staring unseeing at the bag lying where he left it on the table.

---

I sit on my bed, head in my hands. I'm a horrible person. I think about Michael, wonder what he's doing, wonder if he's crying right now.

Looking up, I stare at Sirius' bed as if he was there. You've screwed me up this time, Sirius. But I need you. And I'd like to think that you need me too. I know it goes deeper than anything I've felt before.

There's a corner of a box poking out from under Sirius' bed, and something draws me to it. Curious, I reach out and pull it out. Lifting off the lid, all I see for a moment is the glare of sunlight on broken glass. Then, as I move the box into the shadow, it becomes clear. Broken pieces of a glossy black and silver frame, disjointed flashes of skin, snow, eyes, smiles, sky, everything scattered with a layer of sharp ground glass. I glance at the empty wall over Sirius' pillow. His Christmas present, our memories lie broken in my hands.

And the door creaks open.

------

Hehe, a chapter length vaguely worth reading XD

Not.

Ah well, interesting stuff happening, anyway :)

Hope you enjoyed it

Everything-Michael © JK Rowling

Michael and all deviations from canon © me

::edit:: Evil internet of dooooooom forced me to leave this chapter overnight. Sorry.


	34. Regrets and Rejoicing

XXXIV : Regrets and Rejoicing 

**Sirius**

"…Sticky hands sticky hips stubble on your sticky lips…"

I sing tunelessly as I walk up the stairs, happy as a clown. Remus kissed meeeee! I have a chaaaaance! I kick assssss! My hair flips in my eyes. I flip it out again. Not even my hair can annoy me on this fine sunny happy February day. My brain starts singing a different song. _Oh what a beautiful morniiiiiing…oh what a beautiful daaaayyyyy…somethingy something la lala…everything's going my waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy… _Grinning ear to ear, I put a hand on the door to the dormitory.

And freeze.

Remus' voice filters through the thick oak. He doesn't sound as hyped up as me. In fact he sounds depressed, sad, unhappy, miserable, dejected, despondent, low, fed-up, disheartened, down in the dumps…in other words, not a happy bunny. He's talking to someone else, probably Lily or James.

"It's broken. How long has it been broken?"

"Since Sirius started going out with that Sophie chick, I think. That's when it disappeared, anyway. Shame, it was a nice photo. I didn't realise he'd broken it, though. He could have just used Reparo on it…moron."

James, that's not really the point.

"I…I didn't realise."

Remus' voice sounds a little bit lost. I can hardly hear it.

"Why's it so important to you, anyway. It's just…oh, right." A pause. "Sorry"

"I'm fine. It's just…it feels like a symbol that Sirius wants to break off that bit of our relationship. I already knew that, but…well, I just…I've hurt Michael and it hurt me to do it, and what if Sirius doesn't want to get back together with me? I'll be alone. I can't face that."

James doesn't even pause before answering, "You idiot, Moony, you aren't alone." I can hear a pillow smacking Remus' face. Then he speaks again. "So…you really like him that much, huh?"

"Ummm…" I can imagine quite clearly the expression Remus is wearing. The you-caught-me-in-the-spotlight look.

Clearly he was making it, because James hoots triumphantly. "I knew it! No offence, and I wish you the best of luck, but that freaks me out something awful."

"Sorry…"

"No problem. Anyway, since you are young, free and now single, and Sirius fancies the shit out of you, what's the problem? Go for it, Moony. You will get your happy puppy-shaped ending if I have to push you every step of the way. Show some classic Marauder impulsiveness and JUMP HIM!"

Yaaaaayyyyyy Prongs!!!!!!

I slam the door open and jump onto James, hugging him as hard as possible. "Prongs, did I ever tell you how super-special-awesome you are? Because you are. I owe you big time. You are the best friend EVER!!!!"

He gasps for breath. "P'ds…c'n't br'the…"

Remus stands there staring as James falls back onto the bed, hyperventilating and trying not to make things worse by laughing. Prongs' face has gone an interesting shade of purple under his tan. He does not look very healthy. I poke him. "You ok?"

"N…no…you've killed me…"

"Sorry!"

Remmie has still not moved. So I walk up to him and put my arm around him. "What the fuck were you talking about? Of course I want to get back together with you, moron. Those deep romantic poems didn't just _happen_, you know!"

"Of course. Who could forget the famous English classics Shall I Compare Thee To A Bar Of Chocolate, Sonnet Random Number and To His Remmie-Muffin? The quality of those poems was striking. I especially liked the line "Like chocolate, thou art excellent to unwrap.""

James, weakly rising, collapses again in a gale of choking laughter.

"I'll have you know those took much thought and came from the heart."

"Even the picture of you licking cream off my…"

James coughs and splutters. "I…I….I'm just gonna….to…um…AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Tomato-red and choking, he half-walks, half-crawls to the door.

"So…young, free and now single, Remmie? Does this mean you're not with Clarke any more? You know, that boy broke my heart."

"No, you broke MY heart. You're the one that went off and kissed somebody else."

"No, you are!"

He looks puzzled. "Huh? What? I only agreed to go out with Michael because you left me. I rejected him before then!"

Wait, that's not how it happened! He kissed Clarke so I kissed Sophie. Which means it's his fault. Probably. Or maybe he doesn't realise I saw that first kiss in the library…I can see it clearly now…Clarke leaning forward…Remus moving closer…their faces hidden under Clarke's blonde hair, but oh so close together, so close I couldn't see what was happening between them…

Oh no. Oh bugger. Oh fucking crap on a shit sandwich.

Oh damn.

I got it wrong, didn't I? I jumped to conclusions again, the classic Padfoot Problem, as James likes to call it. Dammit. I screwed up again and it wasn't even for any real reason. I was just paranoid. I start to bang my head off the wall. Literally.

_Bugger_.

BANG

_Fuck_.

CRASH

_Shit._

THUD

Bollocks 

WHAM

"Um, Sirius, what the hell are you doing?"

I throw my arms around him. "I'm sorrrrrryyyyy!!!!!!!! I screwed up!!!! I misinterpreted a delicate situation!!!! I thought you were kissing, but you weren't, were you?"

"When?"

"Whenever!"

"Specifically?"

"In the library, the day before I kissed Sophie."

…

…

…

"No. He was telling me a secret."

BASH! CLUNK!

"What are you doing now?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm punishing myself for being such an idiot. If I went to see the house elves in the kitchens, do you think they could help me devise a fitting method of self-punishment?" I rub my head, which is starting to smart. "Ow. Speaking of, remind me never to tell a house elf to punish themselves again. For now I feel their pain. Bashing your head off the wall HURTS!"

He's got a sarcastic grin on his face, but his eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. "Really? I never would have guessed." He leans forward and pecks me on the forehead. "All better now?"

"Nearly. A few more of those and I'll be cured."

He laughs, leans forward, arms around my neck, and touches his lips to mine. Without thinking, I open my mouth and deepen the kiss, drinking hungrily at his warmth. I'm home. Yay! Success is mi…ohhhh…

My hands grip his shirt. He winds my hair around his fingers. Everything is so familiar, but richer for almost having been lost forever. And I hope that this time I can make it last forever.

We stand there for a good five minutes, pressed against the wall, entwined in the warmth of return, and when we finally break apart, we are a lot the worse for wear. Remus' normally neat hair is dishevelled, his tie crooked, his robes slipping off his shoulders. And he's never looked more beautiful. He looks at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and looks like he's about to speak.

"What?"

"I was just…never mind."

"WHAT?"

"I was just thinking you should wear your hair down more often."

I catch sight of myself in the dark window, my hair flying loose to my shoulder blades. Merlin only knows where my hair tie's gone. I laugh as I finger-comb my hair and reach for a fresh elastic band.

---

About five minutes later, two vaguely presentable Marauders walk in a we-have-definitely-not-been-passionately-kissing way out of the door. And I trip over James.

"Well done, mate!" he grins, patting me on the back. Then-"Well done, mate!"- he does the same to Remus, without the insanely proud grin wavering from his face.

Remus blushes. "Were you listening the whole time?"

"But of course. Like a caring father, I must take care of my children and make sure they get things right."

I ruffle his hair. "Shut it."

We leave him frantically restyling and wander down to the common room to spend the last few hours before bed having fun with our friends.

--------

Good god, it is a very Christmas miracle! 3.5 pages on Word!

Despite the fact it is neither Christmas or particularly miraculous.

Aaaannnnddd…SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE::bashes head off wall::

Can't think of anything else I need to say (apart from YAY! Definite puppying!), so… night night, comment me, and I'll leave it to Sirius to do the boring stuff.

Sirius::points at me:: Clarke belongs to her…why did you torment me with this evil person…and everything else belongs to ::squints at paper:: Jay Kay Rowling…even us? No way! Remus belongs to me and I belong to Remus::gets hit around head with rolled up newspaper:: All right, I said it, can I go snog Remmie now?


	35. Post

XXXV : Post 

**Remus**

"Pads, wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup!"

"Huh? W's g'w'n 'n? G'way."

"You asked for it." I take a flying leap at him and land on his chest. As usual, his eyes shoot open and he scrabbles at me, trying to push me off and failing dismally. His eyes are bleary, his hair resembles a large porcupine and he's beautiful.

"Ok, ok, I'm up. Sheeesh…" I clamber off him and he instantly snuggles back down into the warm blankets. I grab them and yank them off him, watching in silent laughter as goose bumps erupt on his bare skin. He shivers. "Th…that's c…c…cruel, M…moony…"

"I am cruel."

"But I love you anyway."

"I know."

---

As we walk down to the hall, surreptitiously holding hands, I feel so happy. But my mood wanes fast as I catch sight of Michael coming from Ravenclaw… hoping he doesn't see me, I quicken my pace.

"Steady on, Moony, the food can wait a bit. Some of us don't like moving at three thousand miles an hour at stupid-o'clock in the morning." James grabs the back of my robes, hauling me backwards. I struggle to escape, but Sirius loops his hand around my tie. I now have a Beater hauling on my neck and a James holding my back. I have no choice but to give up before I asphyxiate.

"Right." I say as soon as Sirius loosens his grip enough to let me breathe. "You two will pay for that. Later."

"Why later? Breakfast won't run away."

I look around. No sign of Michael. Good. I poke Sirius in the stomach. "It might if it sees you coming, you greedy pig. I swear I've seen you eat a meal fit for a giant and wash it down with several barrels of Butterbeer. How the hell are you not as fat as a…a…a very fat thing?"

"I exercise, Remus."

"What, exactly, are you implying, Mr Padfoot?"

"Nothing really, Mr Moony."

"You'd better not be."

Laughing and jostling each other, the Marauders make their stately way through the enormous wooden doors as people completely fail to stare in awe. We shove up a few younger kids, with Sirius' not quite unkind "Shift, midgets," which causes me to yank his ponytail. He looks at me balefully. "What was that for?"

"Don't call them midgets."

His protests of "But they ARE!" are cut short by a tap on my shoulder, which causes me to jump out of my skin and pull a clump of black hair out of Sirius' scalp. Michael stands behind me, smiling sheepishly. I desperately try not to make eye contact.

"Um…can I sit here? I know that I'm not a Gryffindor, but there's no room on my table." I look over to the Ravenclaw table. A good half the benches are empty. He looks even more embarrassed. "Or you're the only people who don't hate me. Sorry. I'll go back." I look at the fresh bruises on his face, what looks like a broken blood vessel in his eye, and I feel sorry for him, despite all that's happened. After all, it wasn't his fault.

Responding to my psychic plea, Sirius shifts over grudgingly, allowing the blonde to slip in between him and James, although he keeps very close to may, making it abundantly clear that I belong to him. I'm not happy with this possessiveness, but I guess it's my fault, so I don't make a fuss.

As I eat, I look down the long table. Sirius, Remus and Peter shovel food down their throats as if there was no tomorrow, or at least no lunchtime, while Lily looks on in disgust. Several sixth-years look quite unhappy to see the skinny Ravenclaw amongst us, picking at his bacon nervously. Strictly speaking, it is against the rules, but who cares?

Staring down the table, I almost get an eyeful of beak and feathers as the first of the post plunges in through the window and glides down the table. I'm sure it's not hygienic to have random birds flying through the food, but fly they do. Quite a lot of them. A large silver-grey owl drops a brown envelope on the table in front of Michael as it swoops past, rejoining the throng.

"Hey look, guys, Clarke's got a letter."

A burly sixth year opposite us seizes it, snatching it out from under Michael's reaching hand and waving it triumphantly. He makes a grab for it, but the older boy holds it out of his reach, passing it to his friend. Reaching for it, he makes another futile attempt to recover it. "That's mine!"

The seventeen-year-olds laugh at him. "It landed on our table, so it's ours. You don't belong here. Go back to where you should be." It's clear they don't mean the Ravenclaw table.

Sirius turns to Michael. "I'd like to make it clear I am not doing this because I like you. I'm doing this to make Remus happy, got it?" With that, he reaches over the table, grabbing the older boy by the neck of his robes. "You don't belong here either, if that's your attitude. You don't deserve the name Gryffindor! Give Clarke his letter back, Burrell, you bastard! What the fuck's your problem?"

The other boy's friends rise as Burrell scowls. "What's my problem, Black? He's my problem. That…animal. He shouldn't be in a school with normal people. It's dangerous."

Sirius looks at me in confusion. I mouth the word "werewolf". His brow furrows further in anger as he turns to face the sixth-years, and his voice is pure venom. "You know nothing, do you, you idiots? It doesn't matter if he's a human or a werewolf or a vampire or whatever the fuck else, it doesn't give you the right to fuck him around. You mess with Clarke, you mess with me, got it?"

The older boys laugh, miming shivering. "Oooh, we're really scared now. The kid's gonna kill us. I'm shitting myself here." Burrell leans so far forward I can see his spit land on Sirius' impassive face. "Get lost, midget, or someone's going to get hurt."

I can't stand it any more. If Sirius is strong enough to stand up and fight, so am I. The Sorting Hat put me in Gryffindor for a reason, after all. Pushing the bench outwards, I arise next to my boyfriend. "You hurt Sirius and I'll make your life hell."

James joins us. "You know the meaning of the word friendship, Burrell? It means that if you hurt one of us the rest of us will hunt you down and you'll never sleep soundly again."

"Damn straight." Lily stands up next to him.

"Uh…yeah…" Pete says, sounding about as threatening as a paper bag.

There are quite a lot of murmurs of assent from the rest of the table. Between them, Sirius, James and Lily are friends with most of Gryffindor, and it's quite clear who's in the wrong if you look at it simply.

Outnumbered and defeated, the older boys scowl. "Fine then, have your fucking letter, animal!" Burrell rips the envelope in half and throws the pieces at Michael, who's looking pretty shell-shocked, with tears in his eyes and a frozen look of disbelief on his face. The older boy scowls sourly. "This isn't over, Black."

"Yes it is. Mr Burrell, Mr Black, please report to my classroom at once. Mr Clarke, please return to your table."

Sirius looks behind him. "Oh, hi, Minnie."

"At ONCE, Mr Black."

McGoogles looks back over her shoulder as she sweeps from the room. As Sirius gets up to follow her, I swear I catch an indulgent twinkle in the Professor's eye.

Once the three have left the hall, Michael turns to me, tears spilling over and running down his cheeks.

"Are you OK, Michael?"

He grins happily. "I'm more than OK. You guys are the best." As his face gets steadily wetter, his grin just gets bigger. He picks up his plate and climbs over the bench, which is still at about 45 degrees to the table from everyone standing up at one end. "Meet you in the library later, then?"

"I guess."

I watch Michael's retreating back, and I think of Sirius' defiance.

"I'm doing this to make Remus happy" 

He was thinking of me, not Michael, as soon as I said werewolf. That was what made his attack so impassioned. Like he said, he was doing it for me, not Michael. And I love him for being so strong. There's no way he takes after his family, if he acts like that.

Thanks, Sirius.

---------------

See? It's not finished. I have many more plans. First on my list is letting Michael live happily ever after :) And rest assured that when I am done, you will receive due warning. You'll get an epilogue and everything!

Argh…my arm hurts :( I got my polio jab at school today and I am not a happy bunny. It feels like someone hit my shoulder really hard.

Ah well…

Hope you enjoyed the chappie! I really should do some homework now. sweatdrop

Michael and Burrell, the good and the ugly, belong to me, the bad.

And other stuff belongs to JK Rowling.


	36. Truce

**XXXVI : Truce**

**Sirius**

"Mr Burrell, Mr Black, I'm extremely disappointed in you. I had expected better from you two, heavens knows why." McGoogles' broad Scottish accent is steady as always, with a diamond-hard edge. Usually she's capable of holding even my short attention span, but today my mind keeps drifting off to _him_. Remus, not the other one. He looked so down about Clarke's problems, I find myself wondering if he still likes him. But I couldn't leave him like that. I'd do anything, kill or die, just to make my Remus smile. Threatening a sixth year…that's no problem. It could have been though, if I didn't have such awesome friends. I send up a silent prayer to the heavens, thanking God for the Marauders.

But I wonder. Would I still have defended Clarke, if not for Remus? Is that the only thing I'm fighting for? Is that what separates me from my brother? It can't be. I was Sorted before I even knew Remus. So what is it that makes me a Gryffindor? Why am I different?

"Mr Black, please pay attention."

"Sorry, what?" I see the look on McGoogles' face and decide not to push my luck. "Professor?"

"Mr Black, would you please come into my office. Mr Burrell, I will talk to you in a few minutes, so stay there."

I follow her into the small room leading off her classroom. Moving behind the desk, she sits down in the large tartan armchair opposite me.

"Take a seat, Mr Black."

I obey.

She offers me a tartan tin with a picture of Edinburgh Castle on the lid.

"Ginger newt, Mr Black?"

Reaching in, I take three, mentally writhing under her gaze. As I nibble on the warm-flavoured biscuits, she sits and watches me silently. Her eyes feel like they're boring a hole in me. McGoogles can be shit-scary when she wants to be.

"Mr Black, you know full well that this school does not sanction violence, and I did not expect it of you. Pranks and misbehaviour are all very well, but threatening other students is not something I'd expect from someone like you. I understand that you were defending another student, but I had hoped that someone as intelligent as you could have found a way around such problems without resorting to such measures. Another ginger newt?"

"I'm not intelligent." I clarify, spitting crumbs onto the scratched wood. "_Remus_ is intelligent. I got a T on my last Potions exam."

"We've been through this before, Mr Black. You have the potential to achieve great things, if only you applied yourself. However, that is not what we are here to discuss. What have you got to say for yourself?"

"I was defending another student, like you said. I thought that was one of the core values of Gryffindor House?"

"True, Mr Black. But next time, could you please not make a scene in the breakfast hall?" She smiles thinly. "Ten minutes with me this lunchtime. Off you go now."

I know she's letting me off very lightly. "Thanks, Minnie. Bye now!" I hold the door open for Burrell, who scowls at me as the Professor beckons him in.

"Bastard" he mutters to me as he goes past.

"I know you are, but what am I?" I whisper back as I leave the tiny space. As the door swings shut, I can hear McGoogles laying into Burrell. No ginger newts for _him_, I fancy. Merlin, that professor is awesome!

---

About four hours later, I shove my quill and ink into my bag, crumpling the blotched parchment on top. "Bye bye, Minnie!"

I slam the door shut behind me and turn to Remus, who's been sat out here reading for the whole of my detention. He looks at his watch. "You're five minutes late."

"Blame McGoogles."

He rolls his eyes, then grabs my hand and drags me off down the corridor. "Come on, hurry up."

"Huh? Where're we going?"

"Library"

Noooooo, not the library! There could be anything in there! _Books! _The horror!

"Whyyyyy??? Can't we go somewhere nice?"

"No. We're meeting Michael."

Alarms bells start ringing in my head at that name.

"No we're not!" I turn and scuttle off down the corridor, but I only get about two inches before he grabs the back of my robes and hauls me back, my feet skidding on the pitted flagstones as I try to escape. I am NOT going near Clarke. Despite the fact I practically saved his life at breakfast.

"Yes we are. Michael said he wanted to talk to you." He looks at me with those big brown eyes. "Please?"

Gaaah, Remus, could you please stop looking so goddamn cute and unrefusable? I can't say no to you for long. "Fine, we shall go at once to the haven of reading material to meet your ex-boyfriend. Joy."

In response, he shoves a bread roll into my mouth and pulls me towards my doooom.

---

"Hey, Michael."

"Hi, Remus, Sirius."

"Clarke."

He grins as I acknowledge him with a nod.

"Thanks a lot for this morning, Sirius."

I scowl. I stole his boyfriend…after he stole him off me, but still…so he's not meant to be so damned NICE! It might make a guy feel pretty bad about hating him.

I only said MIGHT.

"I already said. I didn't…"

"…Do it for me. I know, but still…" He grins, waving the brown envelope that earned me detention. "It was still nice."

I scowl deeper. I'm going to give myself permanent wrinkles if I go on like this.

"That letter had better have had the best news you've ever heard in your life, or I'm going to wind back time and do something painful to you instead of helping you."

"You could say that." He smiles, sliding a fingernail (not broken. How is it not broken? Mine are chewed to the fingertip!) under the flap of the envelope and handing a folded piece of paper to Remus. I jump up behind his shoulder and try to keep up with his quick reading.

_Hi Michael,_

How are you getting on? I hope you settled back in ok and you're feeling a bit less ill now. How's school? I bet you're straight back in with your old friends, right?

I glance at Remus, whose face is completely impassive. Having said which, I'm not even sure I'm reading the same bit as him, since he reads faster than a speeding Comet…if you assume that a Comet can read, which it blatantly can't…shut up!

We're doing pretty well back here. Everyone keeps asking after you. And Ian gave us a letter to give to you, so I grabbed it sharpish before Mum could get hold of it. I knew you wouldn't want her to read it so I stuck it in the post to you. It should be in the envelope. Don't worry, I didn't open it.

So, well, you'd better be all sorted out by the next time I see you, and write back ASAP, ok?

Bye!

Beth

I look at Clarke, confused. "Who's Beth?"

His eyes go all sort of soppy. "She's my big sister. She's awesome. Actually, she's one of only two people back home that I've come out to, since she's the person I trust more than anything else. This is just like her, rescuing Ian's letter from the clutches of my mother."

Heh. Clarke, you know nothing of evil mothers. "And Ian is…?"

He gets even mushier-looking. "Ian is my friend. Actually, Ian was my first boyfriend, but we broke up when I came back to Hogwarts. It's just nice to know he's thinking about me, that's all."

Remus grins. "So, got the letter, then?"

The-boy-who-I'm-finding it-harder-and-harder-to-hate waves a piece of white paper, grinning. "Yup!"

"I'll not pry into that, but cool! Must be good for you to get that kind of support when you're having such a crappy time!"

Pry into it, Remus! Pry into it!

He looks at his watch. "Actually, we should probably meet the others now or sooner. See ya, Michael."

"Bye!"

"Later, Clarke!"

-------------

FEAR MY CRAPPY ENDIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!!!

The next chapter will have a decent ending to it, I promise! And it won't take 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years to get done. I do have an actual valid true real excuse though…GCSE MATHS EXAM::panic:: (turned out to be easier than the yr 9 SATs lol)

And I'm kinda busy now…I'm being forced by the school to make the poster for the school production, which is taking up all my time and I didn't even volunteer to do it, I just happened to be in Graphics!

Meh, I'll survive.

Hope you enjoyed another short-but-inthiscasenotparticularlysweet chappie!

Next time!

Ruthie xxx

Remus, Sirius, McGoogles and Hogwarts © JK Rowling

Michael and Burrell © me XD


	37. Departure

XXXVII : Departure 

**Remus**

YESSSS!!!!!

Thank you God, for finally granting a little bit of a truce between those two. Sirius has almost loosened up around Michael…I mean, at least now when he grips my arm possessively the finger marks disappear after only a couple of hours. And Michael…well, Michael seems to have given up. He sits around in the library most of his free time, reading the letter from home over and over again.

He's getting more tired and more irritable, too. It's not like I don't know why, of course. The full moon's in a couple of days. I can feel it pulling me as well, but as always, it only intensifies the mood I'm naturally in, and I'm currently euphoric. That everything seems all right, that Sirius loves me, that Michael doesn't blame me, that James' ideas are all coming off perfectly. Everything's going right for me right now.

But Michael…since Sirius blew up at Burrell, the other boys have stopped beating Michael up, but they whisper and they sneer and they hide his things and they shift away when he comes within a few feet of them. And even though he won't admit it, being nearly as stubborn as Sirius, he wants to go home. I can tell by the way he acts, getting more withdrawn, by the way he speaks, by the way he sits alone reading his letters again and again. On top of which, I dumped him. I feel awful, although I know it's not my fault.

I clench my fist in silent determination. Since I can't make any of that better, I can at least get him through this full moon. If it takes every last breath in my body to achieve, Michael WILL have a nice life. I won't let him be sad any more.

I stand up. James grabs my arm. "Remus, where're you going? We've still got a ton of stuff to talk about, like the rats. Snivellus is going to freak."

I flick his hand with my fingernail. "Gerroff, Prongs. I'm going to talk to Michael."

He puts down his fork. "I'm coming. There's something I want to talk to that guy about."

"No you're not. It's something I need to do on my own."

"Remus, as a Marauder, you are forbidden to do things alone. Sirius, go with him."

Sirius is already behind me, gripping my arm, before James has finished his sentence. "Come on Moony, let's go talk to the geek."

I sigh. Sirius is actually never going to let me go talk to Michael on my own ever again. He's scared…scared that…hell, I don't even know WHAT he thinks is going to happen, but I'm willing to bet it involves Michael kissing me. Stupid possessive dog.

I look at him. Very pretty stupid possessive dog…

"Ok, fine. Come on then, moron."

We turn to leave.

Michael walks straight into Sirius.

James grins, his eyes laughing. "Speak of the devil…" He lifts a lazy hand in greeting.

Looking confused, the blonde blushes slightly. "Huh? You were talking about me?"

I smile reassuringly. "Not really. We were just going to go find you. I needed to talk to you."

Nervously he looks around at the hostile faces around the hall. "Can we go talk somewhere else? Like where there aren't several hundred people who'd happily see me with a silver bullet through my brains?"

Sirius grabs his arm, not letting go of mine. "Come on then, Moony, Clarke. We're going to the library. No one will dare venture there." Gripping quite painfully, he drags us both out of the hall.

---

"So…will you be all right for the full moon? We're here for you, so we'll show you where to go and we'll get you through this, ok?"

"Thanks…" His voice cracks, and he suddenly buries his face in my chest, his shoulders shaking. "I'm scared, Remus. I can't cope with this like you can. What if I get loose, what if I hurt someone, what if…"

I put my hand on his head. "Won't happen. We're looking out for you, right, Sirius?"

"Damn straight." He folds his arms defiantly. "I'm not going to ruin my perfect track record by letting somebody get hurt at full moon. That includes you. Not even you can take that away from me, Clarke."

Michael lifts his head, tears drying on his pale cheeks. "Thanks, Sirius."

My boyfriend smiles at Michael's back as the blonde walks out of the library. "No problem."

---

Every hour draws full moon closer. I'm really getting tense about this. Full moon with another werewolf. How will he cope? How will the wolf in me react? I need to know. I'm scared too, Michael.

"Remus! Have you seen my black t-shirt?"

"Michael, why would I know where your clothes are when I sleep at the other end of the school?"

"Well, when I was looking for my trainers they turned out to be hanging off the Quidditch hoops, and before that I found my underwear hanging out of the Divination classroom window, so I just thought you might have seen it. It's kind of urgent."

"Urgent? Michael, I don't know if you'd noticed, but it's February and it's minus five outside. Why do you want a short-sleeved t-shirt so urgently?"

"I'm packing. Well, if you see it around, let me know, ok?" He turns away and heads off.

I grab his arm. "Packing?"

He spins around, looking defensive and tearful at the same time. "I can't cope, all right, Remus? I know you're looking out for me, but I'm so scared. I don't want to go through this here." He shakes his head in frustration. "I've been at Hogwarts for five years, but suddenly it feels so unfamiliar. I'm going home, Remus. Call it running away, but I can't survive here. I'm sorry"

I put my arms around him. "Michael…" The words I swore flash through my mind. _I'll make him happy. I won't let him have such a bad life. _I smile. "It's ok. Just tell me that you'll be happy at home. Swear it."

"I will." Smiling, he holds up a photo. It's motionless, a Muggle snapshot of a tall skinny boy, with long dark brown hair and a big grin. He looks quite like me. His arm is hooked around the neck of the other boy in the photo, a blonde, slightly taller…Michael. Photo-Michael looks healthy and happy, his hand touching his companion's lightly tanned face tenderly. They're in love, you can tell just by looking in their eyes. "Ian Liddell. My ex-boyfriend. He sent me this letter." There are tears in Michael's shining eyes as he hands me a much-read piece of white Muggle paper.

_Hi Michael!_

_How's life treating you? I hope you've got over your sick patch. Are you happy to be back at school? Have you found someone to share your happiness with?_

_Do you know what, I really miss you. I keep starting off to your house to go visit you before I remember. It was nice to see you again, but I wish you'd stayed home. Every time I pass the loch, I think of you. Do you remember? Do you remember our first kiss? You were so beautiful. _

_Just thinking about this is quite hard for me, to be honest. I know you didn't want us to carry on a long distance relationship, but I truly can't get you out of my head, hence this letter. I asked your mam for your school's address, but you know how much she hates me. So I'm giving this letter to your sister instead, and I hope it reaches you._

_I know it won't work out, what with you in England and me up here in No-Man's-Land, but even if it can't be like it was, pop around my house and see me when you're back, ok? I just want to see you again._

_Write to me when you can. I'd like to hear from you. _

_Anyway, I know this is short but important as you are to me, I have several tons of coursework to do. Sorry. _

_DO NOT FORGET TO WRITE BACK, or I shall come and find you and pull your pretty hair, you bastard._

_Loving you loads,_

_Ian._

_P.S. Do tell about any gossip e.g. the hot guy I'm sure jumped on you as soon as you got on the train. I do like to know what my favourite geek is getting up to in my absence. _

I read it. Suddenly everything seems a lot clearer. It's not home Michael misses, it's this boy. I don't blame him. They sound like they're really in love. I look at the photo. He's cute, as well. Michael is a lucky guy.

Was that what he saw in me, too? The more I look at it, the more Ian looks like me. He has the same shaped face, the same brown eyes, the same tall-and-skinny body. About the only differences I can clearly see are our hair colours and the look on his face. It's weird, really.

"I see. I'm glad. I'm glad you've got someone who can give you all the love you deserve, Michael, and I'm sorry I couldn't. Go home. Live a good life. And owl me as often as possible. I'll miss you."

He smiles, his eyes overflowing with tears. "Th…thanks, Remus. I'll miss your friendship, but I think it's the best thing I can do. If I walk away now, I can really be happy."

"Come on then. I'll help you find your stuff. When are you leaving? I want to see you off."

"Tomorrow, before breakfast."

---

I wake up, dragging myself from my bed. It's still mostly dark outside, the pale tendrils of the sun only just touching the bases of the black trees in the Forest. _Michael's leaving today._

Quietly, I pull on my robes, fastening a thick cloak over the top and wrapping my red and gold scarf around my neck. It's snowing outside again. Pulling on a hat, I open the door carefully. The floorboard under my foot groans beneath the rug.

Sirius stirs, rubbing his eyes in the half-light. "Remus, wait. I'm coming too. Meet me in the common room."

I remember last night. He looked surprised when I told him that Michael was leaving, and slightly upset. He'll never admit it, but I think Sirius is becoming friends with Michael. I smile a little as I sit by the ashes of last night's fire to wait.

It doesn't take more than a couple of minutes for him to come down the stairs, but my eyes widen a little when James troops down after him, complaining in low mumbles about the earliness of the train's departure. I'm even more surprised when Lily, slightly bed-headed and hastily dressed, walks down the other set of stairs towards us.

Together and in silence, we swing open the portrait hole. The Fat Lady is asleep, snoring slightly. As soon as we're out of waking-people-up range, I turn to the others. "Why are you guys coming too?"

James grins. "Michael's our friend. Maybe we didn't spend as much time with him as you and Pads did, but still, we didn't want him to get away without saying goodbye."

Nodding, Lily adds, "I've known him since second year. Not well, but I've known and liked him. He's a nice guy. It'd be a shame for him to leave alone."

Sirius looks defiant. "I just want to make sure he goes."

Ruffling up Pads' long hair, James laughs. "Look, Mr I-don't-care, we all know you're going to miss Michael as much as the rest of us. Stop pretending. You're not convincing anyone."

Sirius stares sulkily into the middle distance. We walk in silence down the shifting stairs to the entrance hall.

"You're right, Prongs."

"Huh?"

"I probably will miss him. He's an annoying bugger, but he's all right. I hope he gets on ok when he gets home."

I smile silently to myself as we arrive in the entrance hall. Michael is standing next to the huge figure of Hagrid, smiling slightly sadly. When we step onto the floor, he walks over.

"I'm Flooing to London in a minute, so I guess this is goodbye, huh?"

James smiles sincerely. "We'll miss you, Clarke. It won't be the same without you around to keep these busy." He jerks a thumb at me and Sirius. Michael laughs nervously.

"It's a shame you're going, Michael. I'd have liked to get to know you better, since you seem like such a nice guy." Lily flicks her red hair out of her eyes. "Good luck."

Michael smiles. "Bye."

I look at him, his eyes glinting with tears. "I'll miss you so much, Michael. I really did love you, but I couldn't like you in that way. I hope you and Ian can be happy together. I'll owl you as much as possible, all right?" Unwinding my scarf, I drape it around his neck. "Don't forget your time here, all right? And don't forget us. I'll visit you sometime." I think I'm going to cry. It'll be weird. He's never coming back here, and we can write but it won't be the same. Maybe this is how Ian felt when Michael left. Not as much in one way, since he's just a friend, but more in a different way, since he's just a friend. We all need a few just friends. But I know he'll be happier with his old friends, back home where nobody knows about his condition.

He hugs me, and I hug him back. "Goodbye, Remus. I'll miss you so much. And you and Sirius, I hope you're happy together." He smiles at Padfoot, who hasn't spoken since he saw him. "Bye, Sirius."

Sirius smiles slightly. "Good luck…Michael."

Michael beams. "Owl me, guys!" he calls, waving goodbye one last time as he and Hagrid step into the bright green flames in the huge fireplace near the door. And then they're gone. It feels slightly anti-climatic, but there's an emptiness in my chest that'll intensify for the next few hours as it sinks in that my friend isn't coming back. I couldn't say how much I'd miss him, but I think he knows.

Sirius squeezes my hand comfortingly as the four of us head back to the dorms. I don't know how I'll cope when we too go our separate ways in a couple of years. But for now, we're together. Me and Sirius and the Marauders.

------

ZOMG OVER 2000 WORDS::faints::

The funny thing is, I actually meant to do this quickly while the next couple of chapters were fresh in my mind before I lost them, but it ended up taking an hour.

Hehe, I watched OoTP. DAMN SIRIUS AND REMUS, SO DAMN WRONG!!! Tonks is also wrong. So is Moody. Stupid crappy casting…cut out half the plot…incomprehensible storyline…::muttermuttermutter::

But it inspired me. It's been a while since I read the book, so a load of the plot got me and now I have the next story arc. It just drags on and on, this fic, doesn't it?

Ah well…

Michael © me

Everything else © JKR


	38. Prepare

XIII : Prepare 

**Sirius**

Remus has been really upset for the last couple of days, and I don't think the fact that everybody except us seems extremely happy to see the back of Clarke is helping much. He misses his friend. That's fine, because now I know that he doesn't feel that way about Clarke. To be honest, it's kind of got a lot less fun since he left. James' pranks are few and far between as he's been devoting all his efforts to other things, namely the match on Saturday and the far more important (to him at least) issue of what to do with Lily on their first Valentine's Day as a couple.

Having said which, it's not like I'm a stress-free zone either. I also have a Quidditch match to train for, as well as a depressed boyfriend who's still all cut up from the other night, which was full moon, to treat to…something.

Interesting point, I feel there, Sirius. In a gay relationship, who has to pay?

Good question, Sirius.

I know, Sirius.

Oh Merlin's beard, I'm talking to myself now. Ah well, best possible conversation, right there. Except maybe talking to Remus, but that doesn't really count as much of a conversation due to us both having our mouths fully occupied, along with our hands, legs and…other parts. Yes, that's right, our eyes get a good workout.

Dammit!

I hit myself over the head with my copy of Quidditch Through The Ages. See, this is why I don't get anything done! It's not a lack of intention, it's a concentration issue. I think I have some sort of mental problem that makes me lose track of thoughts after about two seconds. Probably caused by too many blows to the head, inducing temporary amnesia.

"Hey, that looks like fun! Can I have a go?"

James' hands grab the leather-bound book and he brings it down on my head. Hard. Ouch. If I didn't have brain damage before, I sure as hell do now. I turn around and hit James with a squidgy cushion. "What the hell was that for, Prongs?"

"But if you're allowed to hit you over the head with a book, why can't I?"

"My book."

He laughs. "No, actually, my book."

"Mine."

"Mine now."

"Give it BACK!" I chase him around the common room, hitting him repeatedly with the cushion and screaming randomly until eventually he succumbs and hands it back.

"What are you doing here, anyway? And actually acting like yourself? That's very suspicious. Shouldn't you be down by the lake, wandering lonely as a cloud and wondering what to do for darling Lily-pads this Valentines? Could it be that you are not truly James, but are in fact Snivellus in a very good disguise?"

He executes a theatrical faint onto a ridiculously soft armchair. "Alas! Discovered! My evil plans have been foiled! Yes, I plan to destroy Gryffindor House from within by posing as the much loved and admired super-seeker James Potter and making his extremely cool hair get all greasy and urgh until nobody loves him any more! Also, I plan to gradually grow his nose from within until it's even longer than mine. Then people will call him Pinocchio and the once-proud house, devoid of its sexy and amazing centre, will collapse! How did you know it was not James?"

I grin evilly. "Why, the greasiness of his hair, of course. The real James would have washed since the summer."

Sitting up, James looks indignant. "And just what are you implying, Mr Black?"

We glare at each other. The corners of his mouth start twitching. I can feel a bubble of mirth rising up inside me. His shoulders are shaking slightly.

Simultaneously, we burst into gales of hysterical laughter, spluttering and clutching each other for balance. Rolling around on the floor, my face hurts from laughing so much.

"Um…I realise I probably don't want to know, but what the hell are you two doing?"

"Ah, Remmie." I snort a little bit involuntarily and James coughs unconvincingly. "Well, it was actually all because of S-s-snivellus…" I can't go on, gasping for breath. You know when you just get high over the weirdest things and you can't stop laughing? That's how me and James are.

"Riiight…whatever." He turns and walks up the stairs.

As soon as I'm sure he's out of earshot, I turn to James with an exaggerated look of Wasn't-That-A-Great-Ruse-To-Get-Rid-Of-My-Boyfriend-So-I-Can-Discuss-Valentines on my face (a look I just made up, in case you were wondering…it's sort of an Aren't-I-Clever face crossed with Evil-Plotting-In-Progress eyes and a I-Wuv-My-Remmie-Muffin-So-Much mouth) "So, what should I do for Valentines?"

"Let me know when you figure it out. I have NO idea. Is Madam Puddifoot's too girly, do you think?"

I make vomit noises. "Are you saying you would _voluntarily_ enter that hellhole? I might be the one with a boyfriend, but you, my friend, are gay beyond belief. You do know what they _do_ there on V-day, don't you? Pink cherubs and confetti and slushy crap music and heart shaped EVERYTHING and…" I shudder at the memory of last year's Valentine's date. "Urgh. Trust me, unless you are a seven-year-old girl or a masochist, you do NOT want to be in Madam Puddifoot's on February the fourteenth."

"Then what do you suggest?"

"Um…Three Broomsticks?"

"Nah. Too boring. We go there all the time. How about…"

---

"Remuuuuusss!!!" I jump onto his back, sending us both crashing into the bed in a mess of flying hair and robes. "Remus, would you like to…are you all right Remus?"

He groans slightly as I poke him in the shoulder, turning over with a sarcastic grimace on his face. "Yes…I never liked my spine much anyway. Feel free to smash it whenever you like."

"Ah, sorry. I'll make it better."

"And how do you plan to do tha-ohhhh…"

Since I'm already sitting astride him, I figure I might as well take advantage of the situation, lowering myself onto him and touching my lips to his. Taken aback, he doesn't respond at first, so I tease open his mouth with my tongue, deepening the kiss before he has a chance to gasp for breath. He wraps his arms around my neck, drawing me closer.

I don't care what anybody else says, twenty minutes is definitely far too long to leave between kisses. If I had my way, me and Remmie would walk around joined at the lip. Anyone who says otherwise is just jealous because I get to sample Remus' abso-fricking-lutely HOT kissing at every possible opportunity. He has so many different kissing styles too, from almost feral before full moon to protect-me-Sirius afterwards, from the shy scared geek when we hide out in a public place to the sex bomb when we're absolutely alone together. Needless to say, every single one gives me a fluttering in my heart and a pleasant ache in my groin. Damn sexy werewolf.

"Better now?"

He smiles from under his messed up hair. "Yes, Dr Sirius."

I look at him lying there, lips parted slightly. Mmmm. "You need one more of those to be fully healed." I put my finger on his mouth as he tries to argue. "Doctor's orders."

--------------------

Yup, the dreaded hypoinspiration has struck again, leaving my inspiration well absolutely dry, at least for this fanfic.

Sorry. This time I have absolutely no excuse.

Or do I…?

Yes, I do.

So I was just sitting down to type a new chappie when the evil little goblin some call Rite Ersblock came into my room and stole the box of magic diamonds on my desk which are the source of all my powers. Naturally, I chased him, but on the way I ran into this big ugly troll called Skooll. So I battled him with my magic pen (mightier than the sword) of DOOM, but then along came the big black bird of Sleep who dropped a rock on my head and knocked me out. Then…

::cameraman wanders off::

…so after that I finally found Rite Ersblock in his little cottage and I went to get my diamonds but to get there I had to fight an out-of-control Santa and his dragon reindeer, and to defeat them I had to devote some time to making Christmas presents and then I found…

Sirius::points thumb:: She'll be blathering on like this for a while longer. I have to go..um…do my homework now…oh Remmie…::leaves::

…and by the time I got home it was four AM so I went to bed and when I woke up my inspiration had gone again! Now, on my second quest I met a…

Sirius::pops head back in:: Harry Potter belongs to JKR. This is the end of the chapter. You can close this window now.

…

But I haven't told them about the Dwarf of Internet Suckiness or…MMPHGHPHHHH!

Sirius: Bye now. See you when Ruth gets her act together enough to write the next chapter. Until then, have a nice eternity. Bye!


	39. Valentine

XXXIX : Valentine 

**Remus**

It's only just past half six when I wander down to the common room, looking for Sirius. He wasn't in his bed, and it didn't look slept in, although with Sirius' bed it's hard to tell, since he hasn't even moved his stuff off before going to sleep since we got back. Mucky puppy. Ah well, I don't hold it against him. For a start, it makes it a lot harder for the other boys to tell when we've been enjoying ourselves on it.

As I turn around the last twist in the stairs, I spot Sirius' dark hair hanging all over the place over the back of a squishy red chair near the embers of last night's fire. He's probably been up all night being noisy and annoying. I wouldn't know. I went to bed at ten o'clock, and I've trained myself to sleep through any amount of teenage-boy noise. But still…the idiot. I smile affectionately. He'll always be a bit stupid and inconsiderate. Otherwise he wouldn't really be Sirius.

Silently, I slip around the chairs, trying not to wake him. I stop suddenly when I see what he's holding in his hand. It's a piece of red paper, nothing special, but around him on the floor, the table, the fireplace, the chair, his lap are hundreds more similar pieces of paper, scribbled out and crunched into balls. As quietly as possible, I crouch down and pick up the nearest, wincing at the slight rustle of paper.

On the red background, there's the scribbled-out remains of a large heart. I smile slightly. Drawing never was Sirius' strong point. But he's tried so hard. I crawl forwards a bit, picking up another piece. He's attempted a werewolf and a dog on this…at least, I'm guessing that's what they're meant to be. But…despite his lack of artistic talent, he's practically drowning in half-finished Valentines cards. My smile spreads. He's sleeping so soundly in the middle of this amazing expression of love, his mouth half open, his fingers and face stained with ink and pencil marks, his long hair half in, half out of its short ponytail. He looks so peaceful, and he's tried so hard. I suspect him of having gone to sleep approximately an hour ago.

His eyelashes are really long, dark against his white skin. I move closer to him. Strictly speaking, I have the opportunity to see him sleep pretty much every morning -after all, that's all he ever seems to do- but it's rare I get this intimate and private a feel near him. I know the boys are all asleep, and I'm pretty sure the girls are no different. I lean over and lightly brush his open mouth with my lips.

His eyes spring open, and instantly return to the favoured early-morning shape, about half their normal width and very bleary-looking. I will never understand how Sirius doesn't walks into things more often in the mornings, since usually when just woken his eyelids form tiny slits. He grins.

"Morning, Remus."

Glancing around the room, he looks disorientated and confused. His gaze alights on the paper in his hand which he looks at in a "what-this-thing" way for a moment and then hands it to me unceremoniously.

"Happy Valentines."

It's been crinkled and creased from being held in his hand for a while, and at some point I think he may have drooled on it, since the ink's run down the front to form a little blue-black thread. But it's beautiful.

ぢいすき 

_Ich liebe dich_

_Je t'adore_

Scrawled across the warm red in shining silver, the words shift and shimmer between languages, always saying the same thing.

I love you 

As if that wasn't enough (and it would be. It really would. That's probably two hours worth of spells plus about an hour more to find all the words), he's drawn two animals on top of the shining words, a wolf and a half-finished black dog. That's another hour at least, probably more. He won't have taken help, either. He's stubborn like that.

He smiles tiredly. "You like?"

To my embarrassment, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. I fling my arms around him, kissing him as hard as I can. "I like."

Grinning, he slumps back into his chair. "Good. Took me ages. Going back to sleep now."

"When did you go to sleep before?"

He shrugs. "Dunno. What time is it now?"

"Quarter to seven."

"Ummmm…about half an hour ago, then. Ish. I don't know. I was asleep, you see."

---

"Coooo…ffeeee…"

"Come on, Pads, you've pulled all-nighters before. Stop moaning."

"Not moaning. Need…coffeeeee…"

"Fine, have the damn coffee. Sheesh!" James skims the jug down the glossy table to Sirius, who, with amazing motor skills for such a zombified person, grabs the handle as it goes past and pours himself a large cup of strong black coffee, chugging it down in one gulp.

His expression changes. His eyes bulge, his tongue hangs out. "H…h…h…HOT!!!!!!"

Irritably, James takes a break from gazing into Lily's eyes in order to glare at Sirius. "Shut up. Some of us would like to enjoy Valentines, especially since it FINALLY coincides with a Hogsmeade weekend."

Sirius grins. "Ah yes, the Hogsmeade weekend. I'm sure my Valentine will have an awesome time." He winks at me.

Suddenly, about four or five girls from our year and the year below come over, giggling and blushing. They stand around behind us, dithering and doing the sort of "oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god" thing EVERYONE seems to do around Sirius, before by general consensus a petite blonde steps forward and taps Sirius on the shoulder.

"Um…excuse me, um, Sirius, I…well, I mean, we were just wondering if…that is…" She turns crimson. "Wouldyougooutwithanyofus?"

He turns around, bleary eyes blinking in incomprehension under his hair. "Huh? Wha…?"

"Well, we've been saving ourselves for you, so if you're feeling lonely this Valentines, then maybe one of us could…"

His heavy-lidded eyes look straight at her. "Sorry." he says in a dull monotone. "I already have a date for today."

Several of the girls look like they're going to cry. A tall brunette looks furious. Nervously, I shift behind Sirius, positive the scary girl can instantly tell how we feel about each other and is just getting ready to tear me limb from limb. Eep.

Turning back to the table quietly, Sirius takes a glug from his fifth cup of coffee. His eyes suddenly look more alert. "Woah! Caffeine rush!"

He uses his newfound energy to tear into several plates of Valentine themed food as I poke my fork at my heart-shaped fried egg.

"Hey, Remus, what do you…"

"H…hey, Sirius, these are for you…"

"Um…thanks?"

He takes a bite of one of the heart shaped brownies the girl's just given him. "Yummy!" he exclaims with his mouth full, holding out the box to me. "Want one, Remus? They're really nice. I like brownies. Do you like brownies? They're yum. Mmmm, brownies. I like biscuits, too. Chocolate biscuits. Mmmm, chocolate biscuits are really nice. Do you know what else is nice? …MPHHGHPH!"

I hold my hand over his mouth. "One, you have had far too much caffeine. Two, don't talk with your mouth full, it's gross. Three, why do you take those girls' love so lightly? Four…"

---

By the time we get out of the building, Sirius has been given ten boxes of chocolates, two cakes, twelve red roses, three bunches of flowers and somewhere in the region of two hundred cards, as well as being asked out innumerable times and proposed to twice. Is there some kind of mental disease going around that makes girls lose all their inhibitions? It's like this every year, has been since we were eleven. But, although it's upset me in a slight, niggly way before, this year I feel like I actually have a claim on Sirius, and I feel accordingly pissed off.

Ah well, there's not really a whole lot I can do about it, since I'm a bit nervous of how people would react to our relationship. I'll just chill. After all, it's not Sirius' fault he absolutely _oozes _animal magnetism…I mean, it got me too.

"Chocolate, Remus?"

Now that's just mean. He knows full well I can never resist a nice chocolate. I take one from the heart shaped box, feeling its sweetness melt on my tongue. He grins.

"Good man."

---

"Now, bow before the wonder of my amazing Valentines' skill." Sirius holds open the door to the Three Broomsticks. I walk through. Just when he's about to follow, James pushes him out of the way and puts his hand on the door, ushering Lily in.

"Ladies first, Lilypad."

"James Potter, you are a total moron, you know that? If you're trying to impress me, don't…bother…oh James…"

Behind the kissing couple, Sirius makes an "Urgh" face and pretends to throw up. "Lilypad…" he mouths, and I cover my mouth with my hands to stop myself laughing. "Remmie-muffin" I mouth back, and he sticks his tongue out.

When the two lovebirds finally decide to stop kissing and actually move out of the doorway, Sirius comes inside. "Bloody freezing out there." He blows on his hands and shivers a little, and then he's all smiles and charm again. "If I may show you to your table, monsieur?"

He grabs my hand with his own freezing one and pulls me to a small, out of the way table in the corner, pretty much invisible to the rest of the pub. Pulling off his jacket, he takes my hand and looks into my eyes. "Remus, I…"

"Sirius!"

Oh crap. That ruined the moment. A bunch of Sirius fangirls has appeared and they look ready for action, half open robes, loosened ties and all. Several pull up chairs and sit down, despite the fact we're both radiating get-lost rays as hard as we possibly can. They all shift as close to him as they can, leaving me feeling a bit exposed as they coo and whisper and touch him as much as possible.

"So, Sirius, where's this date?" There's flint in the brunette's voice. It sounds to me like what she's actually saying is "Where is the sacrifice? Bring me my knife!" I shiver slightly. That girl is scaaaaary.

Another, a blonde with big blue eyes, starts sympathetically stroking Sirius' arm while I sit and fume. "Did you get stood up? I don't believe it! That girl doesn't know what she's got!" Her voice turns softer and more seductive as she leans forward, resting her breasts on his shoulder. "But don't worry, Sirius. I can make it all better. I'd never stand you up."

A third girl, her brown eyes glaring jealously at me (_stop hogging him_), says "Well, Lupin, I'm sure you've been very helpful and made Sirrie feel sooo much better, but we'll take it from here." She also leans forwards, running her fingers down Sirius' neck. "What he needs is a woman's touch."

Sirius is starting to look more and more panicked, his eyes searching for a way to escape. His eyes catch on something. I twist in my seat to follow his gaze. He waves madly. "Sophie!"

The dark-haired girl turns at the sound of his voice. I can almost hear the gears clicking in her head as she assesses the situation. Hurrying, she walks over. "Sirius!"

There's a general sort of communal glare from the group harassing Sirius. In a distinctly unfriendly voice, the brunette demands "Who's she?"

He looks nervous. "Um…my date?"

Sophie looks as shocked as I feel. "I am?"

He pulls her over and whispers something in her ear. She blushes and nods. Why can't I hear them? Include me, dammit! I don't trust those two together, not after the whole kiss thing. Bugger!

Eventually, the crowd disperse, muttering and shooting looks of pure hatred at Sophie. Sirius looks embarrassed. "Sorry, Soph. They're gonna hate you now."

She grins, sliding off his lap. "It's ok. Good luck. And by the way, you're lucky I was here before my date. You owe me a favour, Sirius Black."

He smiles back. "I know. Thanks a lot, you've made it a lot easier."

As the girl walks back over to the fireplace, I turn back to face Sirius. "What the hell? What was that all about? Good luck with what?"

He sighs slightly, cracking open a Butterbeer and pouring me a glass. "Duh. Good luck with…well, this. Us. Sophie's known about us since before I broke up with her. It's actually down to her that I'm here with you now, not sitting around moping and being lonely."

I find that hard to believe. I can't see Sirius moping about anything. He'd just wander off and stick his tongue down somebody else's throat. That's just the kind of person he is. He can't stay sad for long.

"How'd she know? Did you tell her?"

"Nope, she worked it out by herself. She's a very clever girl, you know." He smiles for a moment before taking a gulp of Butterbeer. "So, Remus, about the Sirius-is-mine girls…do you think it's about time we came out to them? I mean, if they realise I'm gay, they probably possibly maybe might perhaps give up and leave me alone, so…"

Come out to the school? I don't know if I'm ready. It scares me to think about that. The students might be wizards, they might be different from Muggle kids, but they're still teenagers and, as Michael proved, teenagers can be, to put it bluntly, total bastards. I can't predict their reaction, since Hogwarts hardly has a long tradition of openly gay couples, but if Peter's anything to go by, it won't be good. I'm scared.

"Um, they MIGHT leave us alone, then again they MIGHT very well decide I'm what's turned you gay, rip me to shreds and leave my body in a ditch somewhere and go right back to harassing you. So no, I don't think we should tell them. I'm only fifteen, I don't want to die quite yet."

He frowns, but then his brow smoothes and he smiles. "Fine. If you don't want them to know, my lips are as sealed as a very sealed thing. Nobody need ever know…except James and Lily and Sophie and Michael and anyone who's ever seen us kiss."

I lean over and kiss him lightly on the cheek. "Thank you, Sirius."

---

"Now, where shall we go? How about the only place in town nobody will ever see us?" He grabs my hand and drags me out of the Three Broomsticks towards the Shrieking Shack.

It's pretty much deserted. Nobody really wants to take their girl/boyfriends to the creepiest part of town on Valentines Day, so there's not another student in sight. Sirius vaults over the rickety gate, and I climb after him. Together, holding each other's freezing hands, we run over to the old building where I spend every full moon. Hidden behind the dying trees and the broken walls, we kiss.

"Happy Valentines Day, Sirius."

"And you, Remus. Here, have a chocolate."

"Thanks…mmmm, these are really nice!"

"Let me taste." He kisses me again. "Mmmm, chocolatey."

-------

Yeah, I can't be bothered to rant at myself for being slow, so just take it as read that I'm extremely sorry, all right? This chapter is the product of fluctuating inspiration levels…ooooh, that's right, I'll just…what was I going to do again…oh, and then they should…

You get the picture.

Anyway, excuse time.

-Christmas presents

-Mum's birthday

-Coursework

-Interweb outage

-Laziness

Ah well, hope you enjoyed!

Oh yeah, and I has a promise to make. Henceforth, no metter what, there will be at least one update a week from here to the end of the story.

Also, I drew the photo from the puppies' Christmas holidays. And here it is. http://bobblebrain. Potter © JKR


	40. Diversions

XXXX : Games 

**Sirius**

"Sirius, pay attention! If you play this badly tomorrow, we've as good as lost!" In frustration, Alex Wilson, my teammate and fellow beater, hurls the heavy black ball at my head. I duck just in time, feeling it whistle just over my head.

"Yeah, because knocking me off my broom is _really_ going to help us win." I stick my tongue out and swoop downwards, catching the falling Bludger as it turns in the air and thwacking it straight at him. He drops abruptly, sticking one finger up at me. Guess which one.

"Oi, Beaters, you're both acting like total retards! Can we get on with practice now, or are you just going to throw Bludgers at each other for the next hour?"

"The second one!"

James scowls. "Fuck off, Sirius. Take it seriously or I'm kicking you off the team."

I chuck my bat up in the air and catch it again, before zipping up to James' eyelevel. "Sheesh, Prongs, lighten up, wouldja?" Catching sight of his expression, I set my mouth into a suitable hard line. This is not Prongs, the insane, overconfident troublemaker we know and sometimes love, this is James Potter, ace Seeker and Captain of the Gryffindor team. Ah well, he'll be like this until the match, if I don't behave myself. "Yes SIR, Mr Potter!"

We shoot back to our starting positions, hovering around the pitch as James opens his hand to release the Snitch. The rest of the team fly out, doing their stuff mechanically. I'm sick of this. It's not like I haven't been practicing with James for the last six months. I could do the set moves blindfold in my sleep on drugs.

A Bludger fires towards my head, and I swing my bat into it as hard as I can, sending it flying over towards Melanie O'Connor. She ducks as it swoops over her head, ruffling her red hair. Alex hurls the other black ball, which swerves towards me. Adrenaline surging, I drop off my broom, hanging by my knees and hands, and kick the missile towards James, who swerves just in time.

"Nice one, Sirius!"

"Good move!"

"Stop showing off!"

Over in the stands, Remus looks up from his book long enough to grin and stick up a thumb in appreciation. I look over at him for a moment, revelling in the sight of his hair shining in the February sun. Tearing my gaze away from his pretty pretty hair, I flip myself back onto my broom and shoot into the air, knocking a highflying Bludger to Alex, who catches it on the end of his bat and hits Mel in the back of the head.

James smiles at me. "See, Sirius? See what happens when you…PAY ATTENTION, SIRIUS!"

I jolt guiltily out of a pleasant daydream involving pale skin and brown hair and chocolate body paint in time to dodge the Bludger James hurls at my head.


	41. Pride Comes Before A Fall

XXXXI : Pride Comes Before A Fall 

**Remus**

I chew my knuckles nervously as a Bludger flies at James, sighing in relief as he plunges down just in time and the black ball shoots harmlessly over his head into Sirius' fast-swinging bat and back out towards the Slytherins. Quidditch matches always shake me. They're definitely not safe, and one of these days one of my friends is going to end up in the hospital wing. If I had my way, I wouldn't put myself through this torture, but it's my duty as a Gryffindor to turn out and my duty as a Marauder to cheer. Still, I can't help being a tad worried.

I cheer louder than anyone when Sirius knocks a Bludger at the Slytherin Seeker, forcing him to swerve off course and allowing James to snatch the snitch from in front of his nose. I don't really care about the match, but it makes my friends happy, and they're good at what they do, and I'm so proud of them.

"And Potter has the Snitch, ending the match. Slytherin 130, Gryffindor 195!"

The stadium erupts, although the Slytherins stay firmly in their seats, a few clapping slightly, most glaring, hissing and booing. But that's just them being Slytherins. After all, they're not exactly known for good sportsmanship. I scream as loud as the others, louder. James and Sirius, my two favourite people. They are amazing!

---

Well, after that kind of win, there's nothing more to say to my friends but "wow!" Sweaty from the match, grinning widely, still in their kit, waving off the immense amounts of attention they get from Gryffindor House (especially the girls, of course, always the fangirls), they walk down the corridor.

"Sirius, that last hit was legendary! Nice!"

I smack him on the back in a manly-type fashion, which causes James to give me a rather strange look. "Ah, Remus, when the hell did you become the kind of person who says 'legendary' when not referring to stories?"

"Shut up, you strange silly person. Did I mention that catch was also legendary? And the flying was legendary. And…"

"Stop trying to be cool. It really doesn't suit you."

I stick my tongue out at him. He sticks his tongue out at me. I ruffle his hair. He gives me a rather painful noogie.

Sirius' voice suddenly rings out as he waves. "Hello Snivellus!"

Snape, who has just left a classroom and entered the corridor in front of us, turns and gives us all a glare that could stop a clock. "Leave me alone."

"But Snivellus, don't you want to celebrate with us? We won at Quidditch. Again. Although I'm guessing, loser as you are, you missed the match. You lost."

"What's your point?"

"Well, _traditionally, _you see, the winner gets to do whatever he likes to the losers. And since Slytherin lost, and you are clearly the biggest loser among the Slytherins, we get to do whatever _we_ like."

Snape, seeing the way the wind's blowing, starts to walk away. But James whips out his wand. "Levicorpus!" Yanked up by his ankle, robes and lank hair hanging, Snape looks apoplectic. And extremely amusing. I know it's mean, but my god it's freakin' hilarious! I burst out laughing.

Snape's eyes narrow. His pale face is turning crimson as people gather around and laugh. Suddenly, he draws his wand, points it at our little group. "LEGLIMENS!" The mind-reading spell.

Probably he meant to hit Sirius or James. Actually, he hits me. Images flash through my mind, obscuring the crowds and my friends.

I'm five, just playing in the garden, when there's a flash of grey and an awful pain and I black out

It's my first full moon after that. The awful pain of transforming. The fear. The loneliness.

I'm being pushed around in the playground. The other kids are making fun of me for being a teacher's pet, and for skiving off every month. They walk away. I'm alone.

I'm eleven, getting my letter for Hogwarts. Dad's talking to Dumbledore. I want to know what they're saying. I hear the word "werewolf". I run.

I'm wandering the corridor on the train, leaving my dad for the first time, scared and alone. A boy much cooler than me, with sleek black hair, grabs my arm and invites me into his compartment.

The other Marauders are showing me what they've done for me. I'm not alone anymore. _We're the Marauders. We stick together. Of course we care about you._

I'm picking up the letter that fell in Sirius' suitcase, reading it. _I love you, Remus Lupin._

I feel hot flesh against my own, two hearts beating fast as one, while snow falls outside the window, Sirius' lips on mine, burning…

NO!

No! Snape, you're not allowed to see that! NO!

I open my eyes suddenly, seeing my Patronus racing towards Snape. My wand hand's outstretched, I'm trembling, and I can taste salty tears running down my cheeks into my mouth. Sirius and James both have their arms tightly around me, shielding me. Snape has at some point freed himself and is staring at me in undisguised shock. Then he turns and runs as if the devil was after him. Which he might as well be, since Sirius takes his arm from my shoulders and lunges after the fleeing Slytherin with an animal roar.

---

A few hours later, I sit in the common room drinking my third Firewhisky (look, they gave me a bottle for revival purposes, and I happen to like the taste, ok?) while I listen to Sirius talk. I can't be bothered to work out how many he's had, but he's slurring quite a lot. And rather pissed off.

"…But it's fuckin' Snivellus, innit? Bloody slimy fuckin' evil git. He'll use the information he found against us." He turns to me, slopping half a glass of alcohol down his front. "What'd he find out, anyway, Remmie-muffin?"

I don't want to think about it. I take another draught from my glass. Dutch courage. "He saw what we did last Christmas."

"Oh." Sirius looks a lot more sober. "Oh. Shit."

"What did happen last Christmas? I never got the details."

"Now is really not the time, Prongs." He leans over, refills James' glass. "Just shut up and drink, unless you have an amazing Marauderplot to make the last six hours not have happened." Dutifully, he does so, leaning drunkenly to the other side to talk to Lily.

When he's sure Prongs is immersed in his drinking and Lily-ing, Sirius turns to me. "Anyway, you realise what this means, right? We have to come out to the school before Snivellus can force us out of the closet!"

"WHAT?" That came out louder than expected. And higher. I sounded like my little sister. "What?" I repeat more quietly. "You want me to tell the whole damn school I'm gay?"

"Nonono." He waves a wobbly finger under my nose. "I'LL tell the whole damn school you're gay."

"You're gay?" Pete. I thought he passed out half an hour ago. "Seriously? That's just gross! And WRONG!" His voice is rising, shocked and high-pitched.

"Seriously? You didn't notice? 'Tail, you spend 99.9 of your time with these two. How can you not notice they're gay with each other? Chill out, it's no big deal." James lies back into the squishy chair, arm around Lily.

"P-p-prongs, how can you be so calm? They're GAY! It's just unnatural! And I've been with them all the time…THEY'VE SEEN ME NAKED!"

"Alternatively, we could just lie back and let Radio Peter tell the whole damn school we're gay. Saves some time, anyway." Sirius mutters archly.

"Pettigrew, you are really not helping here. Shut up and sit down or leave. Quietly." Lily gets a word in edgeways, finally.

The conversation rolls over my head. I take another gulp of Firewhisky, draining the glass in one and pouring myself another. 'Radio Peter' is probably pretty much indicative of the general reaction I'll get. Sirius can pull it off, he's confident and sexy and everybody likes him. Whereas I'm an accessory. A swotty lycanthropic gay accessory. I'll be ripped to shreds, especially by Sirius' fangirls. With a grim smile I pour myself another glass and empty it just as quickly.

I wonder what it's like to be ripped apart by rabid fangirls?

I need another drink now. I fill the glass to brimful and drain it.

I really don't want to come out.

Another glass.

I really wish none of this had happened.

Another glass.

I really, really, really want to be drunk right now.

Another glass.

I haven't ever been properly drunk. Ever. I can drink anyone under the table if I tried. And I only have a few when the rest drink several breweries' worth.

Another glass.

Drinking is supposed to make me forget, dammit.

Another glass.

"Remus, why don't you just tell everyone? It'll be easier in the long run. Snivellus'll make it known anyway."

Another glass.

"Because I don't want them to hate me."

Ouch, that took a lot of courage. I deserve at least three more glasses for that.

"But…"

I've stopped listening. I'm NOT going to come out of the closet to the whole bloody school at once. No freaking way.

Another glass.

Why am I not drunk yet?

Another glass.

Another glass.

Another glass.

Still not drunk.

Another glass.

Another glass.

Curse my high capacity for alkihol…my high capakity for alkohog…my high capapapapapapacity for anchorhom…my not-getting-drunk-ness.

Another glass.

And cool hands prise the bottle from my hands. "Are you OK, Remus? Haven't you had enough to drink?"

I wrestle the bottle back off Lily. "No. You drunk I'm think, don't you? But I have a hiiiiiigh ca-pa-city for al-co-ho-l." Yay! I said it! As a reward, I give myself the rest of the bottle and pick up another.

"I don't believe it! He's as drunk as a skunk! Awesome! I don't think I've ever seen Moony drunk before."

"I am NOT drunk! I'm just a lickle bit tipsy. Hehe. Tipsy sounds like Mipsy. Mipsy bunny."

"Um, is Mipsy even a name?" Sirius turns to James. "You're right. He's completely and utterly pissed."

I hit him on the head. "Bad doggy. I'm NOTNOTNOTNOT pissed, drunk, bladdered, shmashed or intoxicatededed. Silly puppy. Sit." Hehehe, he looks funny when his face is like that…I wanna laugh at him, but that'd be mean. Mean like Snape. I sniffle suddenly. Snape ruined my life. There's nothing left for me. I might as well just die. Damn, it's a bitch being undead.

I'm crying properly now, spilling Firewhisky down my front and on the chair and the table and into the fireplace with every lurch of my shoulders. Where the alcohol hits the fire it burns blue. Hey, there's an idea. Fire kills werewolves, right? What if I put my arm in the fire? Would I die? I shuffle onto the edge of the chair, reach out my hand…

Sirius snatches it back. "What're you doing? Stop it!" His warm arms encircle me. He smells nice. Safe. I hug him close.

"Sh-shirrie…I can't do iiiiittttt! Why is this happeniiiiiing? Ish no' faaaaiiir! Why'd bloody fuckin' stupid Snape have t' go'n' ruin everything for?"

He strokes my hair, holds me close. "Shhshhshh, Moony, it's ok. It's ok."

"NOT OK!" I cry harder, hitting his back. "Notnotnotnotnotnot ok!" I take a swig from my bottle over his shoulder, feeling the hot liquid course down my throat. "Shirrie, I can't keep on dooooiiiing this! I can't come out, so I gotta gi' you up, bu' I can't gi' you up, so I gotta come out! I CAAAAANNNNN'TTTT!!!!!"

I take another deep draught of whisky. For a moment, he glares at me, then he knocks the bottle out of my hands. The red-brown liquid goes EVERYWHERE. Such a waste. Then he pulls me even closer and kisses me hard. When he lets go, he's still scowling. "You CAN. It's up to you what you do, but I'm coming out and I absolutely don't want to lose you!"

I smile weakly, thinking iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.

Then I throw up.

---

I wake up slowly and extremely painfully. My head feels like post-full-moon injuries plus cotton wool on the INSIDE of my brain. I think now I know why the others are so hard to wake after an all night drinking session. I will never yell at them when they have hangovers again. ARGHHH!

Come to think of it, what time is it now? I roll over and look through extremely crusted and blurry eyes through the curtains around my bed and out of the window. It's light. Crap. I don't know exactly what time that makes it, but full daylight in February does not usually equate to getting-up time. No, it's a bit more like three-hours-past-getting-up time. Shit.

I would get up and run to Transfiguration about now, but I'm sooooo comfy here. I think I'll just go back to sleep…

No! Bad Remus. Bear the soul-destroying pain and get the hell up!

I sit up and see Sirius sitting on the end of the bed.

"Huh?" Than my mind catches up with me. "Huh??? Padfoot? Shouldn't you be in lessons?"

"Well…I WOULD, but sadly it's Sunday. Idiot." He says that, but he's smiling softly. "And do you know what else it is today?"

"Valentines Day? My birthday? Christmas?"

"No. It's the day you make your decision."

"My decision…?" Then I remember. And then I remember a bit more. And a bit more. "Oh. Fuck."

"Well?"

My head may be full of cotton wool and pain, but right now, in the bright and eye-burning light of day, what I have to do is clear. "I can't lose you. So either I tell them or Snape does. I don't think I have a huge range of options, except growing a moustache and moving to Mexico."

"Heh. Don't say that. A 'tache wouldn't suit you. Promise me you'll never grow a moustache. EVER!"

"Ow! I promise!"

"Good. Now get up. It's half an hour until lunchtime."

-----------------------

Hello. Remember me?

My god, that was the longest bloody week I've ever heard of XD

Well, since my last chapter was two months and eight days ago, I really think there is no excuse. Obviously Christmas is a busy time, and I've had a lot of homework, and in the last three weeks a LOT of shit has gone down (All I'm saying is: Computer virus. Family death. Exams. Sickness. Hard drive wipe. Coursework. Not a happy bunny) but all the same, that leaves me a month in which to write fanfic. SORRY!!!!! Please forgive me!

Still, it's my longest chapter yet (I think). 2334 words. Pretty pathetic, when you think about it. And yay for drunk!Remus and strangely sober!Sirius. Not so much yay for homophobe!Peter or ebil!Snape (boo! hisssss!) I actually like Snape, because I feel sorry for him, but in this chapter he made me want to hit him.

Oh, by the way, I opened a livejournal account. Look up yarukage if you're on, 'k?

Maybe next time I'll take less than two months. If you're lucky. I won't even try if you don't review saying you want another chapter, because to be honest I think 41 chapters is TOO LONG.


	42. Take The Plunge

XXXXII : Take The Plunge 

**Sirius**

Remus is a mess. An absolute and undeniable mess. It's moments like this that it becomes totally obvious he hasn't been drunk before. He doesn't know how to cope with a hangover at all. Welcome to my world, wolf-boy.

I finger-comb the worst of the tangles out of his hair and give him a hairbrush. Woah, this is ridiculously weird and surreal-feeling. Remus is the responsible one. It freaks me out beyond belief seeing him like this. "Oi, Moony, you're ok, right?"

"Hmm? Yeah, fine. Apart from the fact that my head feels like the hangover goblin is only managing not to split it open because of the amount of cotton wool inside." He massages his temples slowly, grimacing. "How much did I have last night?"

"Hmmm…" That's a toughie. I lost count. "Five, six-ish bottles? Bit more? You would have kept going, but we confiscated the alcohol after you chucked."

"Oh god. I feel awful."

Prongs comes in, holding a steaming cup. "Oh. Sleeping Beauty's finally awake, huh?" He gives the mug to Remmie. "Drink."

"What is it?" Remus examines it suspiciously.

"Anti-hangover potion."

"Smells more like coffee." He takes a tentative sip. "Tastes like coffee too. No wonder you're failing Potions, James."

"Nonono. Coffee is absolutely the best cure for a hangover, unless you want to take the raw egg route?"

"I'll pass on that, thank you so much, Prongs." The colour is returning to his face somewhat. "Still feel like crap, though."

"I'm a coffee dispenser, not a miracle worker."

"Oh god, we're freakin' WIZARDS! Can't we magic it away? I think I read something somewhere…"

Wow. That's new. "You THINK? In the morning after a heavy night's drinking? You really are a super genius, Remmie-muffin."

"Lies. I just permanently remain aware of the existence of my brain."

"Except after six and a half bottles of Firewhisky."

"Shut up, James." His long fingers make little circles on his forehead. His elbow knocks over the coffee cup. "Bugger. Scourgify."

I point in disbelief. "P-p-prongs, he's doing MAGIC with a HANGOVER! He is not human. That's the only explanation. I am in love with a superhuman robot."

"Speaking of 'in love', your big reveal is in about five minutes, guys. Unless you plan on being late for dramatic effect?"

"Shit." Remus flops back onto the bed. "You know what, I really can't go into this with a hangover. Maybe it could wait till dinner? Or, you know, breakfast tomorrow?"

Sigh. He doesn't get it, does he? "Remmie, sorry, but the longer we leave it the more likely it is that Snivellus will get there first, and then there's no hope whatsoever." Grabbing his wrist, I drag him towards the door, protesting all the way. "You are coming with me, Mr Moony. Or else."

"But I have a HANGOVER! It HURTS! I don't want to die with a hangover!"

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Remmie, you aren't going to DIE. You may be horribly maimed by certain fangirls, but you won't actually die." Damn, that didn't come out right.

"Wow, thanks for the reassurance, Mr Helpful."

By now we are halfway down the stairs. It's hard work dragging the bloody idiot after me. I wish that our stairs turned into a slide, like the girls' ones did when James tried to perv on Lily last year. Except without the siren. Judging by Remmie's pale face, I think that much noise might mean the end for him.

Lily's waiting for Prongs in the common room, but when she sees us she comes over despite the copious lack of James (he's still upstairs fixing his hair, the bloody narcissist) with an exclamation of "Remus, what the hell happened to you?"

"Hmph. I think you were present when the hell happened to me. And could you please not be so noisy? My head is reaching critical stages of pain."

She mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "oh for fuck's sake" although of COURSE it wouldn't be, this is Lily, after all, she's the aggressively good one, and points her wand at Remmie's head. "Rememdium"

He brightens. "Wow. That worked. Thanks. I'm going now." With that, he tries to make a run for it. He'd succeed, too, if I wasn't holding onto his sleeve.

"No. You're not going anywhere. Let me down now, Remus Lupin, and I am NEVER talking to you again." All lies of course. I'd crack after ten minutes and he knows it…or does he? Hope not.

More struggling and protesting, and eventually I get myself into a position where I can whisper in his ear "You WILL. Bad wolfie. Behave and there may be rewards."

He stops struggling immediately. "What kind of rewards?"

"You'll find out later."

"I'll behave!"

"Yes. You will. Ready to face your doom…I mean, destiny?" Not a whole lot better, really. I have got to stop doing that. Before he can complain, Prongs descended in a stately fashion down the stairs. Well, it WAS stately, but then I stick out my foot and it's suddenly more of a tumble than a descent. Just what I need to cheer myself up. He stands up and cuffs me round the back of the head, and we set off.

Strangely, Pete is somewhat on the not-there side. Weird, but not entirely unwelcome, to my mind. He insisted on going into the toilets to get into his pyjamas last night, in case me and the unconscious Remus suddenly decided to perv on the annoying ratboy. Because, you know, all gay people have immense fat fetishes and infinite libidos. Well, the infinite libido bit is true, but that's NORMAL for a fifteen-year-old boy. I've had an infinite libido since I hit puberty, and strangely enough I've never felt the slightest desire to rape Pete, not even after I realised I was gay. Still…

We're approaching the big doors to the Great Hall. I find Remus' hand, squeeze it reassuringly. He squeezes back, rather painfully tightly. Ow.

He doesn't let go as we enter the room, either. In fact, his grip only gets stronger. I'm pretty sure I just felt my bones grind together. Owowowow. He's not supposed to be this strong! I'd squeeze reassuringly again, but I think he just disabled all the motor functions in that hand. Did I mention ow?

Pete is actually already there. He squeaks slightly when I try and sit down, so in the end Lily sits next to him, with James, me and Remus on the other side. Even then, he looks rather nervy. Sort of oh-no-I-might-catch-gay-ish.

We guzzle our way through two courses (well, I guzzle my way through two courses, Remus nudges a bit of broccoli around his plate morosely) and then, before the pudding can arrive(therefore all are present), I stand up on my bit of bench, raise my arms and yell "PRAY SILENCE PLEASE, FOR THE GREAT SIRIUS BLACK HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!"

Next to me, Remus and James facepalm simultaneously. I ignore them. They just don't know the right approach to public speaking. Anyway, it had the desired effect. Approximately 99.9 of the school are now looking at me in what I like to think is mute admiration, and the other 0.1 are doing their I-am-not-mainstream ignoring me pointedly thing. McGoogles rises. Dumbles pushes her back down.

"Ahem. What I am about to say will be an awful blow to you, girls. I'm very sorry. Sadly for you, I am no longer in the least available!" All but about three Slytherin girls and about half of the rest suddenly no longer look so interested, and the remainder are instantly up in arms. "Quiet, quiet, please! I'm not done yet! I am afraid I must now take away the last fragile vestige of hope from your tender hearts, ladies, as I introduce my one and only. Pray silence please, for the main event!"

I reach down and, grabbing the wrist of the furiously blushing and rather pissed off Remus, I pull him upright. There is a brief murmur of dissent, which I quiet by shooting red sparks into the air with a loud pop. "Yes, people, put it on record. I, the infamous Sirius Black, top Marauder and Casanova of Hogwarts, am GAY! I wear a pink blanket, I fly the rainbow flag, I am a poof, a queer, a gayboy, mine is the love that durst not speak its name…I am in love with Remus Lupin, boys and girls!" As an afterthought, I add "And he's in love with me, so I'm not available to boys EITHER!" And then I kiss him. Very hard. On the lips. On cue, James sends a shower of pink fairydust over us. Thanks a lot, antler-boy, you will pay dearly for intruding on my very serious speech with such frivolous details. The rainbow fireworks and big flying heart? Too, too much, Mr Prongs. But whatever.

I let go of the spluttering Remus and take a quick look to gauge audience reactions. Half the fangirls are horrified, half look unhealthily interested, most of the boys are severely freaked out, Dumbles is laughing his head off and clapping delightedly, the old voyeur, staff expressions range from indulgent to bloody furious and Snivellus, I note with some satisfaction on looking over to the Slytherins, looks rather thwarted. I judged right, then.

So, triumphant and also rather too covered in pink glitter and confetti for my liking (damn you James…) I call "That is all. Thank you for time, ladies and gentlemen. Now, to the much more important issue of pudding!" and slide back into my place to be confronted with a barrage of comments, questions and abuse.

I do my best to fend them off. "No, I do NOT like all boys, just Remus…Five months…Insolence!…I liked you, Becca, of course I did, but I'm now in love with Remus…FINE, I'm bisexual, not gay per se, you picky bastard…no, Burrell, I will not be perving on you all while you sleep. Being gay doesn't mean I don't have any taste, you know…look, for fuck's sake, can we just have some pudding? PLEASE?"

Oh, thank you so much, James. My nice chocolate cake is now a pink blamanche with the words "I Love Men" picked out on the top in silver. I grab him by the collar and growl "I know where you sleep, you bastard, and I am NOT happy. Beware!" . Unfortunately, this gives rise to several lewd comments which force me eventually to throw the hideous pink gloop at the nearest non-Marauder.

Somehow, in all the confusion, Remmie's slipped away. I scream aimlessly loud enough to deafen everyone around me and then run away while they're distracted.

Turns out he's hiding in the loo again.

"Moony? You in there?"

"No"

"Lies."

"Go away"

"Never!" 

"You ruined my life, you bastard! Why don't you just tell them about my lycanthropy too? Hell, why don't we just go and do it doggy-style on the table?"

Oh fuck. He's hysterical.

"Calm down. They're mostly mobbing me anyway."

"Mostly? Is that meant to make me feel better? 'Cause if it is, it fails dismally."

He's trying to hide it, but there's that all-too-familiar catch in his voice again. Shit. He's going to cry.

"I'm coming in there."

"Don't you dare!"

I do dare. I change to Padfoot form and poke my snout and face under the door.

He kicks me. Ouch, my nose! I make a tactical withdrawal.

"Get the hell away from me! And don't come back unless you have at least five gallons of Firewhisky, you fucking attention whore!"

---------

Oooch, Remmie gets NASTY!

Well, wouldn't you? Mean of Sirrie, really. That's just freaking mortifying.

And may I just say that is not taking kindly to me uploading this? In fact, it's being dragged onto my documents page kicking and screaming. IT WON'T GO ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!one!!!!!

I have nothing more to say to you, except thanks for everyone saying how much they don't want me to quit. pink-robot-pentapi, please don't throw yourself off a cliff for my sake :)

Ja mata ne :)

Ruth xxx

PS. (this goes for last chapter too, on which for the first time ever I forgot to mention it) Sirius, Remus and all character in between (except Burrell) are the property of one whose name starts with a J and ends in Krowling.

Oh yes, and it must also be said…42!!!!!!!!!! Life, the universe and everything!!!!!!!!1!!111!!eleventyone11!!!


	43. Rage

XXXXIII : Rage 

**Remus**

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fucking bloody sodding shit crap bugger damn bollocking FUCK!

Stupid Sirius

Stupid James

Stupid me.

Why do I get so pissed off about piffling little unimportant things like my boyfriend yelling my sexuality to the whole school?

…

Oh yeah.

I sit back against the wall of my cubicle, sighing. Dammit, why the hell am I in love with the most freakin' annoying teenager this side of Snape? I mean, he's cute and fun, but my god he has no idea of what's appropriate, does he? He is so oblivious to other people's feelings that he might as well just live in a little bubble. I thought he knew me, but nobody who knows me would do something like that and then have the bloody cheek to actually be surprised when I run away and take refuge in the boy's toilets. I should feel guilty for kicking him, but all I feel is a strong sense of satisfaction at a job well done. Git. I fold my arms angrily, huffing to empty air. I bet Snape wouldn't have told, anyway. It's not like anyone would believe him.

Did I mention fuck?

I look around. I seem to spend a lot of my time in the toilet since I started going out with Sirius. There was that time after I kissed him the first time, back in October, and there was a LOT of hiding going on during the whole Michael/me/Sirius/that random girl thing…maybe I need to get a little sign to hang on the door? Remus-Sulking In Progress, Do Not Disturb.

In fact, maybe I could just claim one cubicle for my own personal use? I use them enough…actually, I'm pretty sure this is the same one me and Michael were kissing in last month…and the one I cried in after I broke up with Sirius…and the one…

If I were of a more troublemaking bent, I could carve my name in the door. But that would be vandalism, and despite the loose ethics of the Marauders (in fact, I suspect Sirius at least thinks that 'ethics' means something dirty, along with, you know, _consideration _and _empathy_) vandalism remains something that Remus Lupin Does Not Do. Because Remus Lupin is a bloody swotty stuffed-shirt boring dork.

Crap. I'm going to start bloody crying again. I can feel my throat filling with tears. I stuff my hand in my mouth and bite down, like they tell you to do when they do something that you just know is going to hurt like hell. It muffles my sobs.

"My my my, Mr Moony, that is not a happy noise."

"What do you want, James?"

"Ah, how callous!" He rises above the top of the door, sitting cross-legged like some kind of guru. "Tell me your problems, my child."

Levitation. What the fuck? That is James all over. I look briefly under the door and see a pair of shoes. "Lily, you're in the boy's toilets."

"Remus, so are you."

"And you are levitating James into my personal space?"

"No, he's levitating himself. Irritating, isn't it?"

"That he can or that he is?"

"Yes."

"AHEM!"

"Can I help, Potter?"

He sticks his tongue out. "That's bloody charming, after I went to all the trouble of…"

"Invading my personal space?"

He looks affronted. "Yes, I suppose so."

Lily gives an annoyed little sigh and I can hear her foot tapping on the floor. "Remus, we're _worried_ about you. You've been in there for five hours."

I grunt, and then what she just said hits me. "Five hours? Five. Bloody. Hours?"

James, clearly irritated by the lack of attention, clicks his fingers in front of my face. "Lily, get in here. The boy's lost all vestiges of his once-towering intellect. He is now incapable of understanding simple sentences. YES, Remus, five bloody hours."

If I have lost all vestiges of my once-towering intellect, it's his fault. Him and fucking Sirius bloody Black. "Wonder why that'd be, then? I blame post-traumatic stress. Thanks to your wonderful pink fireworks."

He preens. "They were rather wonderful, weren't they?"

My fingers curl into fists of their own accord. Bloody arrogant TWERP! I can't help it. I get a sudden urge to punch him in the face. And then punch Sirius in the face. And then punch Pete in the face. Sod it all, I just want to punch the whole bloody world in its stupid grinning face.

Did I just threaten to thump a planet in the face?

Never mind.

Angrily, I grab James by the neck of his robes and slam him against the wall of the cubicle, hissing through my teeth "If you do not apologise RIGHT NOW, Prongs, I will kick you in the balls so hard they'll burst into your miniscule little brain!"

He looks rather freaked out. "Ok, ok, ok, sorry, Moony. Sheesh, you really are upset, aren't you?"

Lily taps on the door. "What's going on in there? Remus? James?"

"Remus is getting more pissed off than I've seen him since…well, actually, he's never threatened to kick me in a sensitive area before."

"What?" I can actually _hear_ her getting freaked out. "James, Remus, whoever, open the door."

He does. Freakin' pushover.

"Oh my. I didn't realise you'd decided to have a party on my pain." I sigh in frustration. Just Lily I could cope with, in fact she can be very therapeutic to talk to, but it's an immense battle to talk to James without periodically getting the urge to peer through his ear to see if his brain's fallen out. And anyway, it's half his fault…

Suddenly, Lily slaps me around the face. Ow! "What the hell…?"

"Stop it!" She glares at James. "Get out. I need to talk to Remus."

"But I.."

"Shut up and get the hell out!" she snarls. He bolts. Lily looks back at me, red hair messy around her face, face pink with anger and exertion, and sighs. "Remus Lupin, you have no idea how pathetic you look right now. Seriously. Yes, Sirius is an idiot. You've known that for years, haven't you? And you still love him! I know James is an up-himself self-obsessed moron, but I still love him. And he's said so many things that have made me wish I could just hide and never come out, but I _don't_, Remus. Sometimes love is hard, ok?"

I nod. "Hmm. But you're kind of missing the point. I _know _I love Sirius. I know he loves me. There's no point me worrying about that. I'm a little bit more annoyed that he took into his own hands, but I can live with that. I'm just…it's just…" Irritated at my total inability to communicate, I slide slowly down the wall to sit back on the floor. "Lily, I'm scared. Nothing's the same any more. This is just the last straw. Do you know what I mean? If I go out there, people won't ever look at me the same way. They'll bloody hate me, and you know it. The girls'll hate me because I took Sirius, the boys'll hate me because now I'm fair game, aren't I?" I bury my head in my hands, trying to keep the tears out of my voice. "I'm scared. Everything's changing."

She crouches in front of me, then suddenly leans forwards and hugs me. "Oh, Remus, Remus, Remus. You idiot. I thought you were stronger than this. It doesn't matter what happens, one thing won't ever change. Your friends will absolutely always be here for you, right? Sirius and James and Peter and me…we won't bloody let anyone hurt you, right? So just let the world change. Move at your own pace. You're lucky enough to have friends who'll move the earth for you. So calm down, take a deep breath, wash your face, because frankly you look a mess, and go out. Face them. And sooner or later you'll forgive Sirius for that." She smiles. "How else would me and James have got together in the first place, let alone stayed together for nearly six months?" Jerking her head towards the door, she takes my wrist. "Come on. Wash your face and get thee to the common room. It'll be fine."

I smile back shakily, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand, and follow her. "You know…" I tell her as I splash water on my face, "it's kind of sad that at the age of fifteen I'm still crying in toilets. I'll try to be stronger from now on."

"No you won't. You'd better not. If you try to be any stronger I'll have to call you Atlas. You're already supporting all your friends. It's ok for you to crack occasionally, you know." She runs a hand through her messed-up hair. "Remus, why the hell aren't there any mirrors in the boy's toilets?" With a flick of her wand, a shining silver mirror appears in front of her as she does her best to rearrange her hair.

"Do you really want to know?"

"On second thoughts, probably not." She Vanishes the mirror and turns. "Also, I just realised how much I shouldn't be in here. I'm going. Either stay here and drown in your tears or come on and face the world."

I follow.

---------

Writing is taking me several million years at the moment, due to my inexplicable mistyping of every other word. And I ABSOLUTELY should be working right now.

On another note, is it just my usual emo-critic skills or was Remus somewhat OoC in the first half of this chapter? Ah well.

By the way, you would tell me if my fic was awful, right? Please? Since I joined the fanficrants community on LJ I have been so neurotic you wouldn't believe it.

Harry Potter and all the characters contained within its gilded walls belong to J. K. Rowling.


	44. Consequences

**XXXXIV : Consequences**

**Sirius**

I settle gratefully into the chair I've _finally_ battled my way to, trying my absolute best to ward off the barrage of questions that's still coming at me from all angles. Maybe I was a leeeetle bit ostentatious? I think I might be going deaf from all the shouting. "Sheesh, haven't you guys ever met a gay guy before? Lay off!"

The portrait hole opens and shuts, and James, Lily and Remus come in. Oh good. They'll save me.

"Black, get your self-obsessed arse over here, you wanker!"

Or, you know, not.

Prongs nods. "I'd come if I were you, Sirius, mate. She's a_ teeeeeny_bit pissed off."

"Shut up, James."

I get reluctantly out of my chair and go over to them, fingering my wand in my pocket and thinking about casting a good strong Shield Charm. I think it might be the only way I can survive the Wrath of Evans. Prongs is right, she does not look happy, and I'm the tiniest bit worried that I'll never see the light of day again. Eep.

She grabs the top of my arm painfully tightly and pulls me upstairs to the boy's dorms. There are a couple of first and second years sitting on the bed. Lily gives them a smile. "Could you please leave the room for about ten minutes?"

"Aww, can't we stay and watch?"

The smile is really creeping me out now. "No. Don't make me hex you. Skedaddle."

They skedaddle.

She finally lets go of my arm, for which I am intensely grateful. It was starting to go numb. Unfortunately, she doesn't look any less scary. "Black, you are absolutely the most selfish, irritating, up-yourself arsehole I have _ever_ had the misfortune to meet, but it's not really up to me to tell you that. Remus? You'd better not be as spineless as last time, or I'll kill you myself. Now, sort it out. Oh yeah, and Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

She punches me extremely hard around the face. I think my jawbone just went through my cheek. Ow. I mean, really, _ow_.

"As soon as my fist stops hurting, we'll try considering it a clean slate, shall we?" She heads for the door, shaking her hand. James does his best to 'kiss it better', or possibly eat it. Not quite clear which. I try to shout 'you think your_ fist_ hurts?', but since my hand is clamped to my throbbing jaw, it comes out as "Oh, oo ink OR ist urts?"

"I'm sorry, Black, I don't speak Moron." With that, she is gone.

I turn to Remmie, prepared for the worst. "Shoot."

"Oh, trust me, Sirius, given half a chance, I would. What the hell did you think you were DOING? 'Oh yes, I fly the rainbow blanket, I wear the pink flag, I AM fucking GAY'? And the pink confetti. No. I am going to need to be Obliviated now, you realise?"

"To be fair, it was James who…"

"Shut up. For once in your life, seriously, look at me and fucking apologise and MEAN IT, or so help me I'll damn well hex you into oblivion."

I look at him. Man, he's really pissed off. I look down at my feet. His are tapping irritably. I try the ceiling. Ah, peace. Perfect pe…

"SIRIUS!"

His fists are clenched, his knuckles white. His brown eyes are narrowed dangerously. I look deep into them. "Remus, look, I'm really, really sorry. Whatever it takes, I'll make it up to you."

"Can you take back what you said?"

"No. If I could, I would." 

"In that case, I think I'll settle for you going for a month without using my notes. Just to show you how much you need me."

"But Remmmiiiiiiie, the NEWTs…"

"Are in three months. Use your initiative, Sirius. By which I do NOT mean steal, purloin, thieve, nick, catch an accidental peek of, take a shufti at, cadge, have a lend of or borrow any of my work. Understood?"

Never let it be said that Sirius Black makes no sacrifices for love. I hang my head. "'s, Remus. Sorry, Remus."

"Good."

"But seriously, I…"

He lunges forwards and kisses me rather harshly, in a way like but not quite like he does just before full moon. "Sirius, shut the hell up."

I comply.

"Sirius, you're supposed to be making it up to me."

"Oh, right." Unlike the whole having-to-pay-attention-in-classes thing, this is a forfeit I am more than willing to pay. My hands slide Remus' robes up his legs even as we back up, falling onto the bed. I run my hands along between his legs. Gasping, he points his wand at the door, locking it. Slowly, I slide his boxers down, licking along the inside of his thighs. He bites his lip, arching upwards towards me. I run my tongue along the sensitive bit on the underside of his cock, relishing his quiet moans as I take the tip of his hard length into my mouth, sucking gently.

"S…sirius…more…"

"Yes." I mutter, knowing the vibration from my voice will carry up his body and…yup, there it is, he grips the sheets tighter, holding back a moan. So I do as I'm told (after all, it is my forfeit) and suck harder and faster, gulping at his cock. His hands are around my head, tangled in my hair, pulling me closer until I'm practically deep-throating. Before I know it, he comes hard in my mouth, biting back a scream. I slowly draw back, kissing my way down his long slim legs. He pulls me close again, kissing me hard. 

When we've got our breath back, he murmurs, "Sirius, I think you are now forgiven."

"So, um, the notes…"

"No. That was a good blowjob, but not _that_ good."

---

Yes, again is too short (under a thousand words! -:facepalm:- That's more like a drabble than a chapter…), but my first ever graphic(ish) smut. Happy, orange-sheep? I wrote it to commemorate this, the occasion of my birthday (I drew my twin sister a puppyshipping card! How good is that?). OH YES! As of 11:35 GMT today, I am fifteen years of age. And the birthday girl demands HUGS!

Much to my disappointment, JK Rowling didn't give me the rights to Harry Potter characters in general and specifically the puppies. So they're still her property. Ya never get exactly what you want, do ya? Also, a belated happy birthday is due to Remus. I'm sure Sirius gave him many nice gifts -:waggly eyebrows:-.


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